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Self-Care Tip #153 – Celebrate your imperfections and adequacy. Be a friend to yourself.
Chrystal came in. Years with degrees of depression pulling her up and down leave her hoping to reach euthymia (steady level mood). Chrystal and I frequently find ourselves talking about the grief that comes with this. But not so much today. She was hopeful after a new medication trial gave her a week with less melancholy.
In depression, even a few hours of relief from the dark inability to feel pleasure or interest, even a few hours when hope slips in can be enough to remind us what it is about life that is worth living for. Chrystal has stood in and out of that shard of hope many times. Each time it returns, she turns her face into it. Hungry. Wanting. Alive still. Responding to what any of us do, as any of us would, when hope is on us.
Celebrating a little together this lovely hope, she was nevertheless aware that it might sneak off again. She said, “We’ll see.” I said, “We’ll see.”
And then I remembered. “Why can’t we celebrate your flaws? Who says we can’t?” They have beauty. They have depth and shape and the loveliness that comes only from pain.
Chrystal looked at me doubtfully. “Really? I’m not so sure about that.”
I remember Someone perfect. Last I heard, He had some pain and scars too and it didn’t change His status, value, or essence.
If we can’t celebrate our imperfections, we can’t celebrate anything because that is who we are. Imperfect, all of us, except for One. All of us adequate.
Adequate. I celebrate that I am adequate today. Adequate to live, to love, to do what I do. “Adequate” implies a personal balance between perfection and flaws. It implies a presence with both poles. It does not quantify. It does not mean that we don’t continue to grow or hope.
I’m not sure about everyone’s opinion about my self-perception, my attitude, or my effort at life. However, I am growing surer of my own and am getting glad about that. I’m wondering if Chrystal can celebrate her flawed self as much as she celebrates the hope of escaping her suffering. What about you?
If each of us in turn were as pleased with ourselves as that, still hoping, still growing, still hurting, still suffering, what then? Let’s celebrate together, alone, healthy, ill or wherever we find ourselves. Let’s celebrate our imperfections and adequacy.
Question: How do you live with your adequacy? Please tell me your story.
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I think having a good sense of humour and being able to see the funny side of things that go wrong helps to accept my own flaws.
that is a gift! i can see by your own blog-posts, u have it. keep on!
I had a counselor tell me once, “there was only ever one perfect person in the world, and you are not Him”. I have learned that that is totally ok. I don’t have to be perfect. Just be the best that I can be at this moment.
resonance. thank u Pattyann. keep talking.
In one of her songs Sara Groves writes the lyrics : “Less like scars, more like character”.
often the imperfection releases what the true person had to be.
A agree with her
gorgeous. thanks thysleroux.
Like halfp1nt, I try to find humour …
and u do my friend! oh you do! (check out her blog everyone. she keeps us rolling.)
It may be a matter of semantics, but I would not celebrate my imperfections. However, it is paramount that I RECOGNIZE them. Doing the personal inventory in Step 4 helped me do this. I knew that I had some but was unaware of others. I learned some humility and respect for the value of others. This was a correction made because I realized that I was very dismissive of others. Upon what could I justify that? Nothing of course. So by recognizing that and agreeing that being dismissive is a character defect, I am now more indulgent and sensitive for the value of others and sensitive to their needs.
i luv step 4! i’ve been so moved by the work from you and other 12-steppers on humility. it really affects and inspires me personally. thank you.
enjoy having BPD at the end of the day take the best bit out of it i love fairy tale love so that suits me fine and makes me more loveing while putting the bad bits aside and not getting comlacent and know that it is in the background
i luv fairy tales too kevin. why not? i agree w you. embrace the fantasies! it’s hard for people who don’t interpret the world that way to see the treasure that they are but you and I know! 😉 smile.
Wow! What a lot of emotions this has brought up in me. I read it last night when I was tired, and all I could think of was how terrified I used to be about falling into another depression…and then the “used to be”, in my state of exhaustion and sleepiness, woke me up and kept me awake re-living (and re-feeling!) the terror. What helped, though, to quiet my thoughts, was using your sentence or two about the Someone who was the only perfect one as my nighttime devotion. Thank you for that.
This morning, the perfectionism part was what bothered me. I guess I’ll always be a perfectionist. My parents made it clear that “adequate” wasn’t good enough. I struggle now with the fact that my age, my physical disabilities, and my emotional frailty (sp?) do not allow me to be even close to who I was before, so, comparing it to “adequate” makes me feel like a complete failure. But then I began to think about my relationship with my family – and especially my granddaughter – and the love I have for them and can show to and share with them. That I can celebrate!! And, if that’s as close to adequate as I ever get for the rest of my life, I’m fine with that.
…and as quickly as it as taken me to write this, the heaviness I’ve felt since last night is gone. This blogging thing is a treasure for which I am incredibly grateful, but I think you know that already.
nancy u r a treasure. thank u for this. many of us reading resonate. keep talking.
Funny Sana, I just wrote a blog about what makes life livable, hope you read it 🙂
i just got it to my email! i’m just about to scoot over there and take a looksy! hope everyone else does too – hey you out there!… 😉
Thanks for sending folks my way, it would be nice to have a few more friends 🙂 Do you have a link to the comment from Mr. Rick, I didn’t realize anyone noticed me here 🙂
mr. rick is a non-blogger believe it or not. when he scoots by again, if he hasn’t read this already, i’ll b sure to tell him u found his profound words inspiring 😉
for some reason, i’m using the word scoot a lot today. scoot.
Scooting indeed. Glad that you liked my comment, XC. I do enjoy your blog. I will send you a link to my FB page. I find that I get the most gratification from facilitating the brilliance of our very own DQ. She has made incredible progress as of late and I’m quite sure that her repetitive use of the word “scoot” has some higher meaning that only the truly learned can grasp. It is nice to find others, like myself, that aspire to grasp and interpret “The Queen’s” prolific knowledge as shared on a daily basis. Nice to have met you here, XC
Maybe what is valued in our schools and video media should be examined. How about plastic surgery advertisments? Why do some give in to this?
we have inherent pressure too i think. it’s a real pain at times.
I wonder if we had an education system which turned our ‘weaknesses’ into strengths, say compulsory subjects from sport to handcraft to drama to chemistry – right through until college…what would happen then…
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