Serving Others May Not Have As Much To Do With Giving As You Thought

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Self-Care Tip – To be our own friend, be accountable for the service we do.

Bree was someone who was into details.  The moment of now was her reality.  She didn’t naturally consider the, “What if’s,” of tomorrows – but she did for the now.  And in her moments, if she slowed her day down so we could see all the threads individually weaving themselves together, we would see her doing lots of things.  Whirr.  She was busy.

I am a giver.  I know that I give all the time.  And I don’t get much from others.

Bree states she wasn’t getting much.  Giving, yes.  Getting, no.  Hm.  Let’s look at the threads that she spins and weaves.  Is this true?

Question:  Using the biopsychosocial model, what are the

things that Bree, or you, might be getting from giving?  Break it down! 

16 thoughts on “Serving Others May Not Have As Much To Do With Giving As You Thought

  1. This is a difficult one. We have all heard the saying
    “It is better to give than to receive”.

    But when we don’t want to accept something someone wante to ‘give’ us, we are robbing them from the joy of ‘giving’.

    • maybe this is true marie. my difficulty w it is that it is laced w guilt, obligation and martyrdom. if we could “cleanse” it from that, i could sit more comfortably w it on the same bench. what do u think marie? i luv to hear u think.

      • I learned it from my priest when the time came that I was the one in need, when I used to be one of the givers at our church. He reminded me that I needed to allow others to give to me. I understand your feelings of guilt. But then I felt guilt because I was robbing them from joy of giving to me when they and I knew I needed their help. You know that eventually the time will come when you will be able to give again.

        • way cool priest. “good-ones” can b found everywhere.
          my husband is helping me, through his work on humility, to know that sometimes when i want to share my thoughts, it is in part because i don’t want to open myself up to what i am supposed to b hearing. hugs

  2. A true gift is without any concept of giver, gift, or recipient, it is a gift directly from the heart.

  3. I’d much rather give than take. However, in giving I am getting…it feels good to help those in need. I only don’t like to give when I feel I am being taken advantage of.

    • u made me sing inside w this. why does it give me so much pleasure when i hear people own their relationship with giving? why do i blather on and on about it? hm. i guess that’s all about me, but it does. giving to others is fun suzi, as u say, when we get something from it. (trumpet music is filling the halls :)). keep on.

  4. I am going to go out on a limb here, and say this: in my early 20s, I came to the conclusion that there really is no such thing as an altruistic act. I do not think that altruism really can, or does, exist. Okay, bring it on, everyone. I know this idea doesn’t sit well with people, often. I could go into the biological and philosophical evidence that supports why I think this. Or I could point toward the complete work of Ayn Rand (although, since motherhood I have had to part ways with her in certain respects). In fact, few things bother me more than to hear the word “sacrifice” used with respect to giving. For example, when we hear people saying that they have sacrificed this or that for their children. Nothing is a sacrifice—it is a choice. If I, for example,relinquish my ability to buy whatever clothes I want any time that I want, in order to stay at home with my children, that is NOT a sacrifice. I made a choice about what I want MORE.

    So, does the non-existence of pure altruism mean that we can walk around and behave like jerks? Well, to some Randian objectvists, it actually does—which is partly why I distance myself from that philosophy. We have to make distinctions among the finer points of diction. What is the difference between self-interested and selfish? For starters…

    At the end of the day, it comes down to this: I behave in the way that I think will contribute to the Universe being a better and more loving place. That includes being nice to others, creating beauty when I can, showing mercy when I do not need to, cooperating, etc. However, that is just the point: when I choose to do these things, or to act kindly to others, it is because I am fulfilling my ideals or directing energies into promoting my philosophical take on why we are here. Nothing about that is altruistic. It is not a submissive Self that makes those decisions. It is a Self that glories in the ability of all us to have agency and to shape our corner of the Universe in the way that we see fit.

    • If we become selfless there are no motives. It is not a choice. True freedom is not to have a choice. True freedom is to live charitably in all things. So altruism is not a tangible thing but an attitude by which we govern ourselves. The value is inherent soul not measurable reward.

      • what a great turn in this thought carl. i leave philosophy to u. …the value is not measurable reward. the value is inherent soul. mm. makes me go, mm. i remember our meandurings through the worthy questions about what is our essence in a changing body; a changing self. thank u carl.

    • sarah, when i saw your name, i got so excited cuz i have always always luv’d whatever it is u say and that i know i am about to read. this was a beautiful measure on the courage to explore as well as disclosure of your own struggles to account for your self as a point of reference in your life. thank u. we r awkward, any of us talking about serving ourselves and it is often lonely although we r not alone. keep talking.

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