We, many, share the not so friendly distorted belief that we are entitled to understand everything. Bull bullhorn in hand, supported by the scaffolding round our personal renovations, we trumpet our oppression per the noncommunicating swine we once called our relations.
“Isn’t it our job to try to understand?” you ask. Well, no. The duty to understand starts with Me and ends with Me. (I think I just felt a poison blow dart pierce my flesh! Stop that! Is this being received well!? Hello? Anyone?! Ouch! Not another dart!)
Motives too easily change to build a case against each other rather than reconcile or to account for our Me. What does someone owe us, if not to let us understand them? Nothing. Sounds harsh? Or maybe, not so harsh. Not as harsh as being victimized. Not as harsh as spending one’s bank on illusive control of what isn’t ours to control. Not as harsh as the crescendo anger swells into when a child watches her parents behave poorly. Not as harsh as watching your beloved friend “un-choose” you. No. Claiming title to the thoughts and behaviors of others is generally and commonly done with little insight, but it can only be policed by the individual on either end. After all, everything starts and ends with Me. (Plink! Hear the pennies dropping?)
We deserve as much as the value of our own self. Understanding others will come perhaps or perhaps not. But it is as deserved as any other gift. That is to say, not.
Question: How do you stay in your space, when you are grieving the behaviors of those you love? How do you keep your entitlement to, “Me,” where you have title? Please tell me your story.
Self-Care Tip: Something as easy as remembering, “They don’t owe Me anything; even understanding,” can be friendly. Keep on.