Reblogged from A Friend to Yourself:

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Hello Friends.

Introducing you to mutually interested others in being a friend to yourself:

#MHON is a supportive Twitter chat led by credentialed Mental Health professionals around Mental Health issues. Every week or so, a different licensed mental health professional is featured, who discusses his or her specialty and takes questions from the participants.

#MHON runs weekly on Wednesdays  at 12 Noon – 1 PM EST.

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This is today folks :). Join us?

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Self-Care Tip – Set your self-care free.  Be a friend to yourself.

Self-care just is.

The problem about saying self-care starts and ends with Me is that people forget about the journey it travels between here and there.  People become fearful that it means alone-care, apart-from-God-care, selfish-care, and so on.

When we take care of “Me,” we can connect more with others, including God, have more inside of us to give to others, and have more interest in the world around.  The opposite disables our abilities to do those things.  Again we say, “Can’t give what we don’t have.”

God gave us this person, “Me,” to take care of.  He considers “Me” valuable and of high priority.  He celebrates with me and cheers me on.  He stands beside me and He doesn’t see self-care as having exclusionary implications to anyone else.

Please, shake it off.  Self-care is no more of a moral issue than anything else.  It just is.  It is a choice, a freedom, an opportunity.  It is as much about salvation as any other act of good or bad, and has no influence on our worth.  It just is.

Lord, What must I do to be saved?

- Paul’s Jailer.  Me.  Could be you.

Questions:  How do you speak to the stigma in your church, community or self toward being a friend to yourself?  How do you get to Me, despite the pressure to pay-up to all the others around you in emotional and physical energy first?  How is your relationship with God when you are friendly with yourself?  Please tell me your story.

Related Articles

• Self-Care is For Everyone, Regardless of Circumstance (friendtoyourself.com)
• Know What You Are Fighting For – Your Right To Journey. (friendtoyourself.com)
• Owning Our Choices Is Self-Care Even When It Feels Painful To Do (friendtoyourself.com)
• Self-care is Not Selfish But You Might Feel Alone (friendtoyourself.com)
• Can You be Nourished in a Crazy Hectic Life? (connection-revolution.com)
• Why Preventive Health Just Makes Good Sense (drtimmorley.com)
• Taking Care of Ourselves (toddlohenry.com)
• Guilt-free Self-care (cherryoneill.wordpress.com)

Question: What is a barrier to you becoming a friend to yourself? What role does shame play? Please tell me your story.

Self-Care Tip: Get friendly with your shame.

i feel green

i feel i could eat a fly in-between

there are moments in my day

when all i do is think, and i think

of all the things i feel

and now i think

i feel a horn on my head

oh the weapons i possess between my ugliness and horn

and survival skills i guess

i am am just mean

i mean

no one will kiss something green

and warts are contagious to hand-holding romantics

and life is just hard.

life is hard when you’re a frog.

Question: Are you chosen to suffer? Is life hard because of who you are? Where is the the friendliness in that? Please tell us your story.

Self-Care Tip – Find the friendliness in your opinion of yourself.

A juvenile forked-tongued frog from West-Javan mountain rainforest (Photo credit: gbohne)

I’d like to introduce to you, my pastor, John K. McGhee, Ed.D., Ed.S., M.S.P.H.  

We met about ten years ago in Boston, and worshiped together there for no more than a couple of months.  In contrast to how quickly I chose him, I’ve been very slow about letting him go.  He lives around the globe, talking about health, Love, God and individuals.  He has been and continues to be an important presence in my life and although I sit in other churches, he’s my pastor.  May God continue to bless him, his family and his work. 

Guest post by Dr. John Kenneth McGhee.

Dr. Sana’s blog is persuasive, and possibly life-changing.  However there may be some spiritually inclined conservative Jewish, Muslim, Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestants who may be uncomfortable with her emphasis on self-care as a vital first-step to healthy interactions. Isn’t it quite selfish and rather ungodly to focus on self-care?  Don’t the great monotheistic faiths teach that people achieve their greatest potential when they unselfishly focus on serving others?

I wonder what God thinks about self-care?  Probably it is impossible to know with certainty.  Who can know God’s thoughts?

However, one can find ample evidence from the Holy Books to support a few principles about self-care.

1.  Self-care is promoted in the Torah.  Genesis 1:28 – 2:3   clearly identifies that God told Adam and Eve to have plenty of sex, and babies; eat nutritious food; and enjoy a delightful weekly rest.

2.  Self-care is promoted in the New Testament.  3 John 2 clearly identifies a principle stated by the human being who was one of Dr. Jesus Christ’s closest friends.  “Beloved I wish above all that you would prosper and be in health.”  Here we recognize God’s concern with finance and health care on a very personal level.  The language implies that there is a direct action involved by God’s friends that they would become financially viable and do what it takes to remain in good health.

3.  Perhaps the most concentrated teaching on self-care is given by Paul who mentored Timothy so effectively.  In I Timothy 4: 7 – 16, I find the following direct commands:

• Train yourself in godliness – this requires time to read, time to pray, time to think, time to do acts of kindness;
• Don’t let anyone put you down because you are a young teacher – this requires time to nourish a healthy ego, time to know who you are, time to build character;
• Do not neglect the gift(s) you have received – this requires time to write; time to develop musical or other artistic talents, time to share gifts with others in a faith fellowship community;
• And finally Paul counsels Timothy, “Pay close attention to yourself.”

Questions:  What conflicts do you have in becoming your own friend with your religious beliefs?  Is religion a barrier to you being friendly to you?  Or, how has it been otherwise?  Please tell us your story.

Self-Care Tip:  Be aware of barriers to friendship with yourself, even religion.

Hope (Photo credit: bitzcelt)

So many of us don’t get much to speak of as a chance at life until we are older.  Raped with penetration by age five and following, traded for favors, fear and more fear, isolated, escaping from one to other places of objectification.  We don’t like closets.  We avoid reminders but since there is no place we don’t remember our traumas, we are, we know, not hidden well enough.

And then one day, Hope gets through the diseased surface of our primitive defense and delivers her message.  The message comes again, as Hope is unchangingly drawn to us.  Hope has been here before, but this time for what ever reason, it might be our age, finally seventeen or twenty-eight or fifty-four, it might be a nosey teacher or a fatal car crash involving one of our victimizers or our home is moved, but this time that Hope comes, we have the fortune of being pierced through.

When there are holes, Light can enter.  When Light enters, Light takes chase to darkness and then, served on a moment-gilded-platter, we have it.

This may not be your story, but is for enough.  Even one, right?  Even one matters.  Things really are that sick in more “homes,” represented by the normally garbed, disguised at school, work, church, stores and behind their computer screens.  We are all invariably fooled.  All of us respond to these disguises with what is available from our biopsychosocial-selves.  We respond by naming them consciously and unconsciously with a name that serves the needs of our biopsychosocial-self.  We could say that the disguises are designed both by them and us.  It is what it is.  We are all fools, this way by different degrees.

But back to those pierced by Hope.  Being a friend to yourself may not occur to us for what seems forever along the line that Time determinably follows in our dimension.  Being a friend to Me finds us now where light enters.  Hope and Light can have their way on our damaged selves.

Hope ports to all new beginnings.  The judgment of what makes living, through such distances, worth it is not for anyone but the individual and God.  However our opinion, served from our biopsychosocial selves is that life is worth living even in the distance before Hope pierces us through.   See Post, Your Pain is Not Special. It Is Normal., to read more on this.

We who have gotten friendly with Me, want Life despite the freakishly terrible.  Either we are masochistic to continue through such horrors, to continue living, or it is true.  What comes with hope, with being a Friend to Yourself, with Love, when experienced cannot be qualified or quantified other than to say, that Love wins.

Questions:  Do you believe Love wins?  If not, why?  What do you say about being a friend to yourself to those who are in the midst of being victimized?  Please tell us your story.

Self-Care Tip:  Want Life despite the freakishly terrible.  It’s true.  It’s that worth it.  Be a friend to yourself.

Related articles

• Remember, You Are Free, Even When You Accept Help. (friendtoyourself.com)
• Premises of being a “Friend to Yourself” (friendtoyourself.com)
• When To See A Psychiatrist (friendtoyourself.com)
• Manifesto, by Sana Johnson-Quijada MD (friendtoyourself.com)
• Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and Biopsychosocial Intervention Strategies (eitheory.com)
• No place for disablism in disability campaigning (thecreativecrip.com)
• Mental health issues prevelant among 18- to 24-year-olds (digitalbullpen.com)

Much of what we do in medicine is elementary. I wouldn’t know how to quantify the amount of plainness involved with our goings-on. Behind the writing of controlled substances on pricey government controlled paper, behind our, “Hmm’s”, our flow of learning and teaching, and more (or less) than the laying on of professional hands, we are… we are common.

To say it simply, physicians are dealing with themselves. In medical practice, separating the self out, effectively breaking the emulsion of the physician from their personal journey leaves many of us suspiciously grouped into the numbers of old and lonely but practically excellent. Some medical specialties are infrequently bested by anything other than 80+ hour work-weeks, knowledge retention and steady hands. The imminent peril and the literal moment by moment of life-saving interventions helps the rest of us understand.

Even so, I’ve known some who have been “the best” and still managed to be connected to their personal. I imagine some other dimension is forced open by all the space that that kind of nearly fictional human occupies: Cardiothoracic surgeon, Anees J Razzouk, M.D., at Loma Linda University, for one; Gisella Sandy, M.D., critical care specialist, general surgeon and medical missionary in Peru, for another. We are all happy to say that the list is long here. We think of the ordinary physicians planted around our planet who are heroic enough to do the simple. After all, how much can a physician offer to her patient if she hasn’t taken care of herself first?

Those of us who seek medical care from a physician will be interested to know that the physician as well as the patient can only carry so much before things start to fall out of their arms. Before a sack tears on our way from the car to the kitchen, before there is spillage and things go unnoticed, we want to know that they thought about it. We want for them what they want for their patients in other words. Accountability to Me.

Wanting this for others, because we are afraid, is understandable. But it’s not at the aorta where life pumps and freedom flows. Each of us, regardless of fancy prescription pad or paper gown, to trust the other, we must have their own wanting. Wanting this for themselves. For Me. That is the pulse on trusting each other.

Questions: How has being a better friend to yourself improved your trust in those who are serving you? How has being a better friend to yourself improved your ability to trust those you hope to serve? Please tell us your story.

Self-Care Tip – Follow the thoughts that bring you back to Me where you will healthily grow your accountability, wanting and trust. Be a friend to yourself

Related articles

• Can Long-Term Physician-Patient Relationships Be Bad For Your Health? (healthecommunications.wordpress.com)
• Our Patient-Doctor Relationship Improved by Self-Care and Back At You! Posted on May 18, 2011
• What Makes A Doctor-Patient Relationship? Posted on September 9, 2011
• Reworking Choices With Your Physician as Part of Your Team. Posted on June 28, 2011
• Physician’s mindfulness skills can improve care for patient and provider (eurekalert.org)
• Empathy In Health (workinhealth.wordpress.com)
• Why the physician shortage is worse than you think (kevinmd.com)

Today I find myself walking with Hermes’ shoes on. Bits of fairy dust seem to have caught in my hair like shards of light in a forest of tight mountain pines. 3 hours into my day, I discovered I was full of gratitude. Where did it come from? I would like to find this spiriting again. I can’t help but admit, being thankful must be good for me.

People talk about gratitude to the fellow traveller of life as if it were pill, or morning chore to get over before play. But today, it came to me like a music-gram at my door. And there it is, the opening of the door.

Today my kids reminded me that no matter how much we get in life, (the little cherubs!) we will always want more. Coming out of Barnes and Noble post cookies and purchases, they were still listing off their desires. Us adults are not so different, we just package our orders differently. However, wanting more and ingratitude are different and not necessarily related. We agree with Nathaniel Hawthorne in “The Birth-Mark,” that we can have gratitude despite it.

“My poor Aylmer!” murmured she.

“Poor? Nay, richest, happiest, most favored!” exclaimed he. “My peerless bride, it is successful! You are perfect!”

“My poor Aylmer,” she repeated, with a more than human tenderness, “you have aimed loftily; you have done nobly. Do not repent that with so high and pure a feeling, you have rejected the best the earth could offer. Aylmer, dearest Aylmer, I am dying!”

So how do we “open the door” to gratitude amidst the wanting? Open your door any way you can, my friend.  I’ll watch and hope to learn from you.  Today mine opened without me even realizing the part I played.  Thinking back now, I remember that last night I asked my husband to pray for me. I believe that was the way I opened the door. It was a friendly thing to do.

Self Care Tip – Cultivate being thankful. Be a friend to yourself.

Questions:  How do you open the door to gratitude in your life?  How do you want more without losing gratitude?  Please tell us your story.

Related articles

• Growing Gratitude (seekingjoyfulsimplicity.wordpress.com)
• 301 Days ’til 40: Attitude of Gratitude (And My 100th Post!) (400daystil40.wordpress.com)
• Gratitude Experiment Day 3: Gratitude Journaling Results (blissybliss.wordpress.com)
• In Gratitude. Commenting is good self-care.  Posted on January 7, 2012
• Grief Can Be Treasured At The Same Time That We Celebrate Life.  Posted on June 10, 2011
• Calibrate the Forces In Your Life.  Posted on February 19, 2012

Science & Sensibility » Research Review: Maternal Metabolic Conditions and Risk for Autism and Other Neurodevelopmental Disorders.

Any of us know that going back to our home-town is invocative.  I am, predictable.

Today, I came to LSU with my five-year-old son and my father.  My dad never misses an opportunity to socialize if he can, and my son never misses an opportunity to play Animal Jam, so the boys were happy.  Dad walks a little still.  He uses a cane.  To postpone any more structural injuries, we sat in the back and avoided the stairs.

I have grown “up” in an insular culture to some extent.  Perhaps because of this, many of my classmates have not gone far.  And by classmates, I mean, people I went to lower elementary with, middle school, in-between years, college, summer, medical school, residency and swim team.  There are people everywhere.  The traffic is terrible and urban sprawl, ach!  Awful.  You’d think it would do it’s thing on us and we’d dilute.  But we don’t.  We remain.  Cohesive, in each others space and decorating with stories.

This is why today I found myself standing in the back of Constantine Hall heckling with several of the same I had studied with twenty-one years ago.  We were glad to be together.  I remembered about them and I wondered what they remembered about me.  The room was seating other college students, (who looked twelve years old by the way), but it felt like it was still ours.  And that’s part of what being alumni is about, I guess.  We’ll always consider the ties between us.

Coming to the front of the room, the students were amazingly courteous.  I looked to their eyes to read who was itching to get this over with, who was weighing the time spent with us against the waiting homework and who was just so with-it, that they could relax in the luxury of pre-med club.  I had never been a “just so with-it” girl so I was sus.  I found myself increasing vocal energy as my way of thanking them.

And what do you think they wanted to hear about?  You guessed it!  How to be a friend to yourself!!!  Can you believe it?!  That’s what I heard anyway.

Walk with God.

Know yourself as early on as you can.  Know what brings you pleasure, what you’d do for money or for not, what feels like play even though you work like a bee in spring over it.  Get that clear as possible in your head and then rethink your goals.  Then rethink where you are spending your time and where you get your money.  Adjust.  Plan on doing this continually through life and even into the ending stages of life.

Remember your freedom.  With deliberation, actively, purposefully – keep your freedom.  When you give it away and finally realize it, humbly ask for it back.  It’s still yours.  You may have to fight.

Forgive yourself.

We touched on a few other pearls, community, variety, can’t have it all,… but that was mostly what we had time for today.  You know I really wanted to sell them on Me, but alas.

I wondered if my son would return with me in 40 years and sit me in back, look out and fumble with all that he has been given.  Thank you thank you thank you thank youuuuu thankkkkkkkkkk

Keep on.