Know when to keep your mouth closed.

Between you and me, and between him and her, between us and them, between is the space from this person to that person – in that space relationships are made or destroyed. That space is the mixing bowl for your relationship-kitchen. What we say and do and feel towards each other is whisked together like meringue. It can be tricky knowing what to do with what enters that space.

I will address today specifically when someone is criticizing you. Even reading that, how do you feel? Angry or irritated or defensive. Sometimes the criticism isn’t justified, it’s lopsided or lacks understanding. Sometimes it is deserved. Let’s imagine the common scenario that it is all of those. Not clean criticism, but dirty, stilted by some truth and some distortion. It mixes into your space.

Here enters the only part of that space you control. Your response.

“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
–Mahatma Gandhi

Allowing someone to speak without responding is a gift you give them. But it’s also more. It is a gift for yourself. Someone once said that those who live by the sword die by the sword. Protecting the very person that said something hurtful is in fact protecting yourself.

My own Husband gave me this sweet gift last night. He listened with a heart full of love and in the end, we both felt it. Something good there that might never have been.

Next time, someone spills charged words and feelings into your space, detach yourself before making the whole world blind. You will feel better and your relationships will be better. It’s a friendly thing to do.

Self Care Tip #12 – Let it go. Be a friend to yourself.