My niece is sitting beside me and I can barely keep my hands off of her 5 month self. I am eating a blueberry scone slowly. She, with her tummy-full of breast milk, is watching every bite, a faint smile on her pink face. I’m a little afraid she’s learning to eat carbohydrates from me and I want to tell her that I can’t remember the last time I ate one of these. I start eating faster and turn away so I don’t imprint this on her supple myelinating neurons.
We closet eat, closet smoke, closet shop, closet sex, closet what we want to protect others from but what we independently are strong enough to handle …or not. There is a term called “self-sabotaging behavior.” Reducing this, we find that the process of closeting is in fact the handle on the door to that mal-behavior. Keeping it real is the same as saying get it out of the closet.
My mentor and brother, Cameron Johnson used to say, “Go where the pain or fear is and it will lose control over you.” People who work the 12-Steps call this “Rigorous Honesty.” It is a pealing away of all pretense with yourself.
Avoiding rigorous honesty turns into self-sabotage. We end up cutting ourselves down at the knees. Anxiety uses fear to make us hide. In cases that include emotional illness, of course medication will help our work toward honesty.
It is not about whether we hide our bad sides or not – we do. It is about trying to keep it real. The only thing to be ashamed about, if we must, is not trying.
So to my niece, I give her my flawed self and when the time(s) come, I will accept hers as well.
Self Care Tip #45 – Show the world your flawed self. Be a friend to yourself.
Question: How have you experienced the freedom that comes from going toward the fear? Please tell us your story.
- Life-ers – Our Beloved Flaws (friendtoyourself.com)
- Are You Empowered to Start Everything and End Everything With Me? (friendtoyourself.com)