She is a level-headed woman generally.  Objective by nature.  But now she asks, “What should I think?”  No longer taking birth control because she says she doesn’t need it.  They aren’t having sex.  Her husband uses porn and now openly gawks at other women walking by.  She says she doesn’t really care.

When a couple stops touching, the relationship is virtually over.  Few people revive their intimacy after too much time without sex.  Not everyone will believe this and may think it is too primitive for a true relationship of love.  But that’s the stats folks.  What to do if you physically can’t have intercourse?  Figure it out.  Must touch for intimacy.  Sounds like a bumper sticker.

Reminds me of a mighty river that suffers interference of dams and rerouting waterways.  Eventually a dry riverbed that once roiled with current and depth is left baking in the sun.  Even Paul the Apostle who never married recognized that if you aren’t physically intimate with your spouse, your nonphysical connection is also lost.

Physical intimacy is of course only one paradigm of intimacy.  And just about any one can say that, “Sex doth not a love make.”  Nor am I talking about finances, floss left in the shower, or how someone squeezes the bottle of toothpaste.  But whatever the many reasons are explaining the space on the couch, it ain’t good.  

So what did I tell her?  I certainly didn’t tell her “What she should think.”  I did review that we can’t trust our feelings.  “That’s true” she said.  “I hadn’t thought of that.”  Feelings lie all the time.

Question:  What do you think?  Agree or disagree.

Self Care Tip #59 – Keep it in the relationship.  Be a friend to yourself.