Self-Care Tip #102 – Take what is yours and live. Be a friend to yourself.
Cheri came, still dressed in work scrubs, with her 2 daughters, 8 years old and 3 years old. Having finished their dinner date, they were swinging by for her appointment before going home. Cheri told her kids, “Get out now and go sit in the lobby! If you don’t listen to me I’ll….” Turning to me, she said, “It’s never enough! I just took them to dinner and they do this to me! No matter what I do…!”
1. Cheri tells me she’d like to cope better with simple stressors such as redirecting her kids
2. We talk at length about her perception of her kids abusing her.
Cheri is married. Her husband laughs at her for “…having to take those drugs to be normal!” “…But he just sleeps his problems away. He doesn’t deal with them like I do. He has no idea!”
3. We talk more about her perception that her husband is responsible for her place in life.
Cheri believes if she doesn’t take more than 2 pills a day, she is less “dependent” on drugs. She says, “I don’t want to go on like this!” Her tears continue talking when her voice stops. She is ashamed.
4. The concepts supporting taking care of yourself as being the kick-off point to caring for anyone else comes up.
5. We talk some more about who is “The Why” for what we do or don’t do.
Cheri feels less shame, but it’s still there. She is willing to give a new medication a try but clearly doesn’t buy it all yet. She’s going home with her girls to her husband with new pills. And hope? Yes. It is all connected. It all pulses together and is a living negotiation of sorts.
Disease <–> behavioral/emotional negative symptoms <–> victim role <–> self-neglect <–> greater crisis <–> seeking help <–> responsible self-care <–> healing <–> fewer behavioral/emotional negative symptoms <–> emotional abuse from husband may continue but is no longer seen as responsible for personal choices and self-care <–> less shame <–> further healing and so on…. (Lub-dub…Lub-dub…)
hbofamily.com
Cheri is still negotiating her deal in life. She doesn’t realize that it’s already hers for the taking. Her life. Her choice.
The deal is already made. Take it or leave it. Your life to live.
Question: How are your negotiations? Do you see them as still in progress or settled. Please tell me your story.
I guess I’m fairly fortunate, I managed to “negotiate” a lot of bad things out of my life at an earlier age than some. I agree, we need to take back what is “our life”
Good post. We need to be reminded of this!
Just in time. thanks. i needed to know that resounded w someone some where. keep on!
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I think you are right, we can easily blame so many other things and people in our lives for the chaos. Its when you take control and start making those small decisions that your life can change for the better.
And it is those little decisions that lead to big changes. I know by being more assertive the last couple of years have seen enormous changes that have benefited everyone in my family. I’m so much happier for taking a little time to stop being a martyr and start being the person I am.
Life is very hard when youre battling everybody, I found that asking for help was the first step in letting people back into my life.
you said that so well. “the small decisions” in your life benefiting you. Benefiting others.
thank you for sharing some of your story with us! Keep on.
Still negotiating.
That question isn’t a judgment. There’s no qualifier here. I know I didn’t make that very clear. One of my weaknesses to come across that way. Hope you are doing well Mr. Courage. Keep on.