Hi Everyone… I thought I would kind of write a guest blog today (call it blog-jacking even) DQ did not specifically asked me to do this, however, I do not have any clear recollection of her specifically asking me not to do this either. With this in mind, I would like to let you know about my unique relationship with DQ (I am just going to write DQ because I have a very limited attention span and am likely to have two or three great ideas flow through my brain by the time I type Dr. Sana Johnson-Quijada and then I also start wondering if she has a middle name too and how she fits all those letters into those forms that have the little boxes on them). Anyway… I communicate with DQ on a regular basis and get interesting insight on a variety of topics. This makes me feel unique and special until I realize that most of the people reading this have the same opportunity. Then I kind of ask myself… “What kind of group have I joined?”
To begin, I would like to talk a bit about my psychiatric qualifications. I spent six years attending college. Technically, these were at a community college, but I did take at least one psych course while I was there. In addition, I am an alcoholic and drug addict in recovery who has previously attempted suicide. I take medications for both depression and ADHD. I had to go through a variety of medication to find the right combination because almost every medication I tried made me sweat profusely and/or break out in a rash. As part of my ongoing training, I am going through a nasty divorce which has caused me to be temporarily unable to see my son or live the life that I have become accustomed to. In addition, I have just lost my job of fifteen years due to cutbacks. All of this in the same month that I turned forty and should be free to seek out a quality midlife crisis.
The fact that I am laying in bed with my shoelaces in my possession in a nice room that I am free to come and go from as I please over two weeks after the divorce/job loss week most likely indicates that I am totally delusional and only think that I am happy or that I actually am. Either way, I am content in the place that I am at. This, to me, is pretty amazing.
I am grateful for that I have been through all the things that I have been through in my life because they have given me the strength and experience to go through what I am going through. Even though I did not do real well in school, I somehow did well enough with a big corporation that they are willing to give me a severance package that will basically pay me for the next four months as long as I do not get a job or accept one of the positions they have offered me. Basically, a bunch of paperwork and legal terms that say to me “Paid, vacation!”
Being an alcoholic and a drug addict have led me to become involved in a program that connects me with others who have previously tried to use alcohol and drugs as a solution for coping with life. These people are a great source of support and experience. As for the prescribed drugs, I am not even really sure that I need them all the time; however, I sure as heck am glad that I was on them when my “Perfect Storm” kicked off. Oh yeah, as part of my challenging week, I found myself with no place to live and immediate access to very little money. A little rational thought and I realized that I have an amazing amount of airline miles from years of travel. In fact, more than enough to take up residence in a nice beach front condo for the next month.
Why am I sharing all of this? For several reasons — First and foremost, I am newly almost single and think that this is a great way to meet ladies without having to ever think about the awkward point in a relationship where I will have to explain my past. In addition, the fact that everyone here is reading this most likely means that you have experience with challenges like mine and I can always use others that I can relate to. Lastly, I have found out that when I have felt that I have a very unique situation, I am usually wrong and that I am actually just not in a group of people who feel comfortable sharing their experiences. It would be kind of cool if everyone just wore a signs with their three biggest “issues” on them. I have a feeling that if everyone formed a group with only the people who had at least one issue in common with them… we’d all be in the same great big group called life.
Thanks for reading to this point. What do you think about this? Are you female and single or considering becoming that way? Could this really be a worse idea than matchharmoneyfinder.com or whatever it is called? Keep on and be a friend to yourself and stuff.
Oh yeah….DQ, please get better soon because this blogging stuff is cutting into my busy schedule!
I used every single day for 35 years. I will be clean and sober 9 years on Mar 2, 2011. I am 61. I go to at least 5 meetings a week and have 5 sponsees. My sponsor just relapse and has taken quite a dive. The Higher Power has given you a second chance at life. You will see son in time because you will always be his mother. You had to go through all you did to get to where you are now and relish in the new found freedom you have from your old life. I just started my blog on July 31 and the trip has been just wonderful. I no longer look back with fear and trepidation or forward with those eyes either. It is a new world full of possibilities. And don’t worry about want misfortunes that may come your way(and they will) as long as you are clean and sober you will have already done the hardest thing you will EVER have to do and if you do your daily maintenance you will be at your maximum physical potential and mental mental health to face or enjoy the future. I cannot be a father, a son, or a grandpa with substance abuse and I decided which was the most valuable. It was easy. You may choose life or you may choose death. As long as you are connect to the Higher Power , it is life that will characterize your future. I remain somewhat ashamed of my past but I am not ashamed to be in recovery. As a matter of fact I chaired the 7:00 AM meeting this morning!
Glad to hear you have found a program that works for you. Thanks for sharing your experience, strength, and hope. T11
I am sorry. I see I am talking to a man so correct to” you will always be his father. ” It seems you are very full of challenges right now and it may not be the best time to be seeking a relationship. Sobriety must be 1st priority but a carting relationship is not threatening if it passes one test: “Is this a distraction from sobriety/” I f the answer is “yes” then I suppose you know what you must do.
R62
hilarious.
Thanks… I’ll be here all week if you need more
i think many of us have probably been in a similar place. I spent 10 years single raising several children by myself. I met my husband 16 years ago. He was and is amazing. I have been through much in my life and although I have never used alcohol or drugs, I was born into a family where that was common practice. probably why I have always been so against it. I have done a few 12 step programs in my life and I love them. They are always beneficial. You just have to keep pushing one, even when it is not comfortable, and especially when you don’t want to be doing it. Times does heal all things eventually, and hopefully you will get in a better place that will allow you to have a relationship with your son. It really is up to you. Not one of us can change our pasts, but we can start today and make a brand new ending.
I agree… the one thing I am most grateful for now is the times I have spent with my son. I really don’t have to wonder if he knows that I love him because we have always told each other that every day except on “opposite day” where we laughed about who hated the other the most. You never know who is going to put things into perspective for you… I mentioned to a buddy of mine who is a Marine that it was going to be tough to spend Christmas without my boy. His quick (edited) response…. at least your not deployed. Keep on and be friendly and stuff like that.
Best of luck on your journey forward, Rick. I must agree with Carl though, it may be a little premature to be looking for a new relationship. Baby steps for the time being.
Thanks, Cindy. Trust me, the relationship part of the blog was intended as pure humor. At this time, I am totally focused on the matters at hand. Actually, I wrote the piece above as a brief distraction and a chance to do something different. Uhhhh…. Keep on and on
thank you so much everyone for commenting! Rick was amazed, I believe, by your support and interest in him. Keep on folks!
Thank you, DQ. Yes I am still amazed. You never know where neat experiences will come from. Hadn’t really planned this and just thought it would be a nice break late at night from some other stuff that I have been working on. Kind of interesting when I saw that I was the the daily post. I wanted to show my mom and put it up on the refrigerator. Mom is doing better and my current kitchen gets very little traffic but hey, I know it’s there. Interestingly enough today marks six months of continuous time clean and sober. That’s kind of a big deal and kind of not, in my opinion. My son will have six years of continuous sobriety on December 31 (same a most kids in kindergarteners). Also, at one point, I had around 14 years of continuous sobriety after drinking and a lot of other stuff. However, what makes day really amazing….today I am actually content despite the storm going on around me. WTF? (That is a term we psychiatric bloggers use that stands for What The Freud)
oh my word. rick. too funny.
i’m happy for your great and good moments today. 6mo v 14y. i see your point and points. glad u celebrated 6mo though. that’s marvelous.
Hi Rick! Thanks for sharing. It is truly a tribute to how far you have come that you are able to look at life’s ups-and-downs with humor. I echo previous posts that you will always be your son’s father… Keep fighting the good fight!!!
Thanks, Louise. Neat to find people that relate.