Sitting on this land, fenced and gated I felt small. It was different from my home. Here I lost my connection to beyond the fence. The string that attached me wasn’t long enough. At my home, without thinking about it, I thought my self was bigger. Small yet as large as the large connection I had to all the life that stretched out. I hadn’t been in that place for a long time.
In the distance I saw the strange mountains, snow-covered, scoops of freedom and thought, “I must get there before I disappear.”
That’s what internet, (blogging, Facebook, Twitter) has done for me. Taken me there. No fences, no neighborhoods or zoning. Suddenly my home became the great outdoors again and although I became smaller in it’s largeness, I became bigger by connection. I had died a little in my isolation. Designed in temperament and by human nature to get my energy from connections, I was weakening and alone.
I did not know. I did now know a name for my condition. I did not know the nature of my weakness. I did not know what would happen when I took it down. And I was afraid.
Tomorrow I’ll talk a little more about what conditions us to disconnect. But for today I only share the openness around me with you. It surprised me and wasn’t my conscious goal originally when I set out writing FriendtoYourself. But as all true gifts come, It came to me from Love, not bought by labor or coin.
My land has changed.
Self-Care Tip #142 – Use the internet as a way to connect with others to be a friend to yourself.
Question: What have been the connecting forces in your life? Please tell me your story!
I can really relate to this post. I am surrounded by people all day at school, but when I get home, it can be lonely when my son isn’t there. My family of origin lives far from here, and the few friends I have are often busy with their own families. Blogging is a fun social outlet/inlet for me, that fills part of the hole in my social world. I love coming home and checking to see who has stopped by to say hi!
Grieving what I’ve lost during sixteen years of trying to get well and the almost unbearable feeling of aloneness during those years…which are still going on. Wow! You have, in three days, pushed my two most sensitive buttons. I think they are the two biggest barriers to healing after one has been emotionally devastated. How strange – and wonderful – that an internet connection could be the beginning of the end of the hurting. Connection is the operative word here, I think. Thanks for finding yourself with us in this way.
losses and disconnectedness – ouch. it is a lovely tale u tell though nancy, turning more often than not towards where u find light. keep on
The tale isn’t really lovely at all. It hurts and it’s hurtful. The light comes from being able to share it rather than feeling that I need to hide it…the hurt, that is. This blog has given me an outlet…and I’m praying that it’s the right outlet for me. It’s good to see it’s right for others…including you.
articulate. “The light comes from being able to share it rather than feeling that I need to hide it.” That’s it!
” I became bigger by connection”
Me too 🙂
u r enormous (…in a delicate feminine nonglutonous way :))
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“My land has changed” Characterizes Miami, Florida very well. Most of the old European ethnics along with their traditional institutions have disappeared now having been replaced by South and Central and Caribbean Hispanic and Caribbean African descendants. It is almost as English is a minority language. I feel I am a stranger in my own land and perhaps me and 27 other people know who Mickey Mantle was or know the meaning of Veterans Day or Memorial Day which no longer have much in the like of parades and such except a 21-gun salute at the police station. Large populations of particular religions do not celebrate Christmas(only 4 units in my townhouse complex have Christmas lights) and they have no idea what Halloween is. Communities are somewhat racially and ethnically segregated here with encapsulated enclaves. So I have had to make connections with things spiritual and value the few friends I have. One reason the teaching of American history is so pragmatic and unifying is that it gives people a common denominator through which divergent people can achieve a collective consciousness as a people. In other words when we see Lincoln on the $5 bills similar responses should be generated in the minds of the viewers. But that does not seem to be happening here. “My land has changed” Indeed. Now we must actively manufacture and design creative connections as all the old plausibility structures(Peter Burger) have evaporated.
really beautiful reply Carl. Sometimes it is manufactured and sometimes it’s natural. keep on!
I’ve been connecting in many different ways for years and I have found it’s not something that just helps but something I need. To connect to the greater world around me.
this is great to hear. thank u for sharing yourself w us. keep on!
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Talking to people in person is hard, so the Internet is a good way to get to know people for me. I am much more outgoing here than in real life. It makes me wonder which is the real me.
Some people say the Internet hurts relations with others because we are no longer face to face, but I say it is very helpful to people like myself who aren’t outgoing. Plus, without my blog, I wouldn’t have met any of the people whose blogs I look at or who look at mine.
Great experience I think many of us can relate to!
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