Self-Care Tip #144 – Work hard if you think you’re worth it.
On the last day of our family road-trip, thinking about self-care and I don’t know where to go with that! In the past when I thought about road trips, I’d sooth myself with visions of ice-cream stops, cheese puffs, and other expected and unexpected delicious treats to enjoy and bribe the kids with. However, I’m taking care of myself these days, (hard work!) which subsequently results in me taking better care of my kids, …my family. They had a nap, which was nice but now they are awake, refreshed and talking. A lot. So close to my head in fact that it feels like I have headphones on. Volume adjuster not currently functioning. Oh where are the bags of junk food!? (Disclaimer: No offense intended to my kids.)
But old habits die hard, so I imagine this one will hold on at least as long as our road-trip. In the mean time, without inserting needles into my eyeballs, I am thinking instead about self-care. Thankful, despite gritted teeth and ringing ears, that I will lose the baby-fat before I forget that I was any different before the babies. The memory is already distorted a bit by the fact that I have thrown away any clothes I used to wear and haven’t allowed any pictures of me below my shoulders to pass before my eyes in years. I’m a happy frog in a Jacuzzi getting hotter and hotter and have to find a way out before I get eaten by someone French. (Disclaimer: No offense intended to the French.)
Thankful also about the ripple effect to my kids. I’m gifting them a healthy me (because I will succeed), to offer them and theirs in their future. I’m gifting them better odds that they won’t be in my same position in time.
I’m gifting my husband as well with the hope he continues to voice that I am around to care for him when he is dyeing. Whenever that is. (That is a gift if it ever happens! He can be a real baby when he’s sick.) (Disclaimer: No offense intended to my husband.)
And I haven’t forgotten about you either. You will have me indefinitely to chirp on and on about self-care. It really is the holidays!
It’s a good thing I’m belted in because I might start levitating. OH! I just remembered I have ear-plugs in my purse! Yes!
Ah. That’s better. I know I’m working hard for good reasons. And all the reasons start and end with “Me.”
Question: Why are you working so hard for yourself? What has been the hardest thing for you on your self-friendship journey? Please tell me your story.
- When I Can’t Take Care Of “Me” (friendtoyourself.com)
- Self-care Begins and Ends With “Me” – Own It (friendtoyourself.com)
That was your worst post this year. (Technically, it is also your best) Your sensitivity towards your family and the French is certainly noble. However, frogs have feelings too… think of Kermit singing “The Rainbow Connection” with no legs as you apologize to the French. Real Nice!
Honestly, your candor is what makes you unique. The fact that years of medical school and experience have lead down a path that ends in a remedy comprised of needles in the eyes and ice cream while you mock the doctor next to you for having been diagnosed as terminal, must mean that either modern medicine is a myth or that you are just like the rest of us and that is why you do such a good job relating. (That is the longest sentence I have ever written) Happy New Year!
Seriously, no respect. Where does a female physician working mother 1/2 Lebanese minority survivor of your friendship go to get some of that?
Rub it in. I hv no idea what MCWU means. Must b a generational thing old man.
I felt the MCWU acronym appropriate for this venue. I would hate to damage my reputation in the Psychiatric Blogger Community. How quickly you forget. There comes a point at which bowing and saluting fails to convey the proper reverence. Children must overflow with enthusiasm for being in your presence, friends must make desperate attempts at humor in hopes of being favored with a smile, and husbands must offer you the last breath all in and attempt to make you feel respected as you parade your footwear for octagenerians to admire. Thank you for your writing that we may all learn to do it better!
me: snort, laugh
husband: what’s so funny?
me: this guy keeps making fun of me!
Work hard i find that one of your best posts so far and reason being this is one that works and is really good for you why do i work hard because i want to not for anyone else but for myself because it is very self satisfying sory for being so me but i tihnk in life sometimes you do need a bit of me and hard work is me
hey Kevin! that’s really great of you to say. many thanks. means a LOT! 🙂 i am always wowed when i connect w someone. it’s magical to me. like i just caught site of a fairy for a moment. thanks for letting me know!
you r right on too w your reflections. keep on mr. effort. btw, how’s it going w your S.O. and your visiting-her plans?
its became quite complicated in a matter of days my ex girl firend who left me wants to marry me yer i love her but she does have her downfalls shes an alcholic who doesnt want to admit to plus she likes to talk to her exes when she is drunk very hurtfull meanwhile my girl friend accross seas her husband is back but he goes away about aprill time for about 3 mounth so i have a gap then to go over i do speek to her everyday but i going to start just speeking online to save the trouble it causes when i ring so i have two deccisions to make when the time comes let my ex back in my life who hurt me terible or go overseas for the chance of a new releationship we get on well from phoning and chating online in person i dont know how it will work i have to admit in the year i have known her she has never hurt me she has only suppoted me saved my life a few times when ive been suidd** she says she cares for me and is prepared to get marryed if it works well but im still very scared of the rejection part thats my head kicking in and my pesamistic views
oh the quandary of being a wanted man! blessings on your decisions.
Thanks for your openness and honesty. My guess is that you are a guy who is pretty insightful in most situations and somewhat blinded when love is involved. I’m guessing this because it is how I am and I firmly believe in the adage.. “you spot it, you got it”. Psychiatrist have a fancy term for that which is only revealed after your insurance coverage has been verified. Technically, I am not a psychiatrist and any fees accepted would mess up the lifestyle my unemployment compensation currently provides me.
Based on my current marital situation, some might suggest that taking relationship advise from me might be a bad idea. Don’t listen to those people! I am currently an expert on bad relationship and further honing my skills on a daily basis. I am in the process of developing a list of key words that should be used to terminate any relationship once they are used. As luck would have it, both of your relationship “opportunities” hit a couple of words that are at the top of the developing list – – “active alcoholic” and “husband”. Not throwing stones here… given the right set of circumstances I could also view both as good opportunities. The difference… my involvement with aforementioned individuals would be considered research and thus I am fully prepared to rationalize the resulting Train wreck.
Perhaps my perspective is a bit tainted. I have a soon-to-be-ex-wife that can taint your perspective in much the same way. She’s attractive, drives a very nice car, loves over seas travel, and has lots of free time on her hands. I’d be happy to give you her number. If you can marry her by within the next year, I will gladly pay for the wedding based on my spousal support savings.
mr. rick, even w insurance coverage, i couldn’t have said that as well as u did. so gentle! what are your thoughts kevin? keep on u 2!
i kinda have a bit luck on my side but then i dont the person i want to be with it aint going to work never and she is in this country in hospital they put it as short turm gain long turm gain no the one in america im to scared to go ahead with but i know it would work the time will come later this year march time aprill time and i will have to choose my head is battered and yes i know im going to get hurt this is garenteed with the one in this country i have to move on to this one in america risky but a more settled enviroment stable as well but yet my head is dependent on this girl over here im taking a bet and probably a good educated bet when the time comes ill go into crisis becuse the choice will be so hard for me this happened when the ex left last year witch was going to happen i felt it before it did plus i was told by everyone including family and friends then another year went by stale mate and it will stay in stale mate chess turms but i dont ant that to happen i dont want to be sectioned again for an exx
i kind of see the train man a cometh and over here its going to go bang with the exx and lots of tears
the second one i really dont know i feel love for this person who i have never met face to face but it has lasted as a friendship and she wants me oer there but as i become more educated i then question even that whats her meaining what does she want why does she want me to get back at her hubsband revenge maybee or does she care and has been kinda got lost with my story of what happened to me last year plus the information that i read about long distance relationships aint good then something that she siad a long time ago got me we might have problems 3 years down the line
i think in the long term its a gable on either and both have weird odds number one is conpatible but not secure and stable with a probable chance of 25% chance of working and lasting more than a year number two 60% chance of working but maybe inconpatible but a good chance of lasting more than 2 or 3 years
but i cant trust my own head i dont trust it when it comes to love and loving people because it is blind and i can admit that it dosent want to see the truth probbly cause it hurts the truth
in summing up a mess and when sh** hit the fan it goes everywhere my head is allready confuses greatly on the subject
The hardest thing I’ve found on my self-care journey is remembering that the way I look (100 lbs heavier since taking anti-depressants), the way I feel (with Fibromyalgia), the way I have messed up my family since my breakdown, ultimately are NOT my fault. My husband keeps telling me that. I want to believe it, but I look at me and what has happened to us in the last 16 years and I and know how I feel, and it’s hard to not take the blame. Until I learn….
And I like frogs, too, but here they are really cold now, so I think a Jacuzzi is a great idea – for you, for me and for the frogs. :-}
Reminds me of the post on not being responsible for our past but rather for our future. Keep on woman of courage.
I’m not sure whether you’ll get this, but if you do, could you please tell me the title of the blog about not being responsible for your past but being responsible for your future? I have gone through several months of titles and can’t find it – unless I needed to read each blog. Ii would be easier if I could get to this specific one…and then read more of what you’ve written, which, incidentally, I very much am enjoying doing…slowly but surely. Thanks.
sweet! i was wanting to do that! glad u got me going on it. https://friendtoyourself.com/2010/10/12/you-are-ink-water/
let me know what u think. keep on.
I have never really heard of this “self -friendship journey” It is a wonderful concept for people rebuilding their lives and would be a productive model for the addict/alcoholic in recovery. If you may please reference literature / ideas self-friendship concepts. I would like to write a protocol for use addiction treatment.
That’s lovely Carl. I’m sure I’m not the originator of these truisms but when I write, they mostly come from my collective learning. I will keep u in mind though here on and try to pick up objective references. U may use whatever I write of course at liberty. It would b a joy to join your work. Keep on.
Thank you Doc, I’m a little quiet at the moment, but I am reading each and every post in my email inbox.
ah cindy, u r ever supportive. a wonderful live idea of sorts is what u r, having never materially met u. u r alive yet still not completely real! too good to b true i guess.
don’t worry. u’ve got a lot of bank. get some rest girly!
Having to do with the Ink and Water blog, the trauma your father (God bless him and others who do what he did!) went through in Somolia and what I went through in my childhood are so very different but they are still both traumas we need to get…what? Over? Through? Beyond? I loved the blog. I agree with the ink and water analogy. I just desperately need to learn how do do that…how to not make what happened to me become my identity now. The difficult thing is that it took 51 years for me to understand that I had been traumatized at all, so now, even though it’s been an additional 18 years, everything seems so fresh and raw. I can’t even imagine what your father went through…what our soldiers are going through…”Overwhelming” is such an insuffient word to use in PTSA.
Thank you for referring me to the post. It’s something I need to read – many, many times.
Hey sweet Nancy. i’m so happy the blog-post connected w you. there was a time probably when it wouldn’t have. when u weren’t ready for those thoughts. when u couldn’t b in there space long enough to consider them for yourself. now u r thinking not only do they connect, u actually might b able to join them in your future! that is very cool. keep on!