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Self-Care Tip #206 – Write your letter to get what you’re looking for from self-care. Be a friend to yourself.
So why am I so interested in self-care?
I’m not sure who said this first, but I heard it from speaker and author Peter Rollins, and it rings true. People write letters not necessarily to communicate to others but because they needed to hear the words themselves.
For example, the smooth Paublo Neruda wrote in his poem XVII (I do not love you…) as translated by Stephen Tapscott,
…I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
You may also remember this verse from the movie Patch Adams. I think Paublo Neruda must have really wanted connection. And so with me, I’ve been writing my own letters of sorts – every day about self-care. What do you think about that?
The truth is, it’s not hard to see why I’d need that.
This leads us to victims. We’ve all seen them, and probably been them at one point or another. Parents who blamed their kids behaviors for their feelings. Spouses who blamed their Other for their feelings. Physicians, nurses, accountants, judges who blamed their colleagues, who blamed their employers – “Every day there is just so much work put on me. The system’s corrupt.”
What I realized is that I was also living like a victim. I wasn’t taking care of myself. No one can give what she doesn’t have. And I didn’t think I was responsible for this. I actually thought at some conscious and including subconscious levels that all these other things in life were reason enough to suffer like me. Many of us think this way – stress leads to poor treatment of ourselves. It may, or it may not. But all we can have any control in, is our own selves.
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This was my ah-ha. Self-care begins and ends with Me. This became a passionate love-letter for me even though I’m still not above “victimhood.”
For us who were “ruined” by their circumstances, tired and loveless because someone cheated us, mad because of thoughtlessness – we were in need of Love.
No one is responsible for my emotions but “Me.”
Questions: Why are you interested in self-care? What letter have you been writing? Please tell me your story.
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- Take Care of Yourself Better by Knowing What That Means. (friendtoyourself.com)
Friend to Yourself 
I love Neruda, and that sonnet is one of my faves…love that you included it here!
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Thk u dear Sarah
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I think that documenting my daily life in my blog is my love letter to me 🙂
Have a great week, Doc, and thank you 🙂
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I read what u write. U r saying lovely things about yourself
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I never wrote a letter for self care. It didn’t seem worth it if noone heard it or read it. Then this blog entered my life. I may write too much or too often but it has become probably the best self care aid I’ve encountered in my healing experience, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
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Thk u for working so hard Nancy, to all our benefit.
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I write to figure out what I think and knowing what I think has to be one of the highest orders/rungs (?) on the self-care pyramid.
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Joana your thoughts – mm. I agree. We r all blessed by your selfcare journey
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1. “ruined by their circumstances” (victims, in need of love). 2. “no one is responsible for my emotions but me” It depends on how you look at it, they say. “Self care begins and ends with me” These ideas are hard to reconcile and integrate and I still wonder but have not figured it out yet. A plausible serenity may be unachievable. Changing how we look at our life does not reconstruct the facts and as we develop self care are we fooling ourselves by manufacturing an alternate reality in which we are more comfortable? Is self care a reaction for survival? Is it a “live in spite of” design? Is self care a never ending reprogramming of my self and adaptation? Does embracing myself compensate for not being embraced by others? Is life a war of redesigning myself? Is the self ever static or always aflow? Is there no finality in self definition? How can you find yourself if it is an ever in progress project? I become elusive to myself. The only thing about which I have a glimpse of understanding is based upon remembering having a very intense relationship terminated by the other person. She said “…take care of yourself, Carl.” I have figured out what that means. It means you have to take care of yourself. Point conceded. Self care as a requirement for surviving is not comforting, however. It makes us face and admit that ultimately we are alone. That’s distasteful to say the least. In light(actually darkness) of that, perhaps an alternative to self care is “co-care” through Jesus. Then I am not alone because I have the connection. Not everyone does or chooses to have it.
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Selfcare as alone care – an important clarification I agree we benefit by continuing to review. Thk u, u survivor-man. Bless
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Ah yes, self care does begin with “me”. I’ve found that when I lead a more active lifestyle I not only feel better physically but emotionally as well.
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this is so well articulated, i’d like to write it on my wall.
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welll in developing my blog i have been helping myslef it has become a big part of my life bigger than i ever imagined learning to self care takes quite a bit doing but we have to be positive it helps me in more than a few ways its a bit like my montoring hub and when i leave it i kinda am a bit lost and bewilldered what have i learnt form self care i can do probably about 75% of self care but theres allways room for inprovement
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nice kevin. i agree entirely. especially w the “quite a bit of doing” part. it is the hardest job we have.
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Co-care through Jesus, then I’m not alone.
I love that, never thought of it.
And yes, the only one responsible for me and how I feel … is me.
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“Co-care through Jesus, then I’m not alone.” AMEN! 😉 i’m doing a dance around that – true, i never look good when i’m doing that, but i feel good.
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I read your posts regularly and this one was definitely one of my favorites. Thank you for speaking to my heart 🙂
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dear jaclyn, u reading “regularly” is inspirational to me! thank u for letting me know. it is fuel in the caboose!
u r sooo welcome and i’d luv to know your interests further to write more directly to your thoughts and ruminations. keep on!
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That’s actually a very good and therapeutical exercise, writing a letter to yourself and just talk to yourself and tell yourself your story. I think it’ll be an enlightening experience.
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hey nabeel! thank u for reading and commenting. i luv your site and your own eclectic approach to taking in the world around u. let us know how your “letter” goes if u feel like it. that would b pretty cool. keep on.
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How do you start self help when you can’t see ourtof the darkness I could sure use some help is there anyone who was where I am now and came through to the other side I want so much to be joyful again I really miss it.
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Becky, I know this is your 1st shot at connecting on this blog-site but in a short time u will see people u resonate w and they will see u. u being here is wonderful. many of us need to hear u speak. keep on.
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if there is one site that i would recomend to see out of the darkness it would be this site when i first came to this site mounths ago i was really in the dark and i could not see the light i hope you can see the light again i can and it hasnt been easy and im not fully mended yet but at least i can see most of the light dont give up hope of a better future
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Thk u kev. I think Becky is blessed by your company n feed back, as we all r.
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