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Self-Care Tip #218 – Find your own answer about why you fight against the “natural” course of mental illness. Be a friend to yourself.
Suicide.
In psychiatry, we hope through conversation, evaluation, intuition and information to be able to say when someone is at risk to hurt themselves so we can do the best we can, collaboratively with any others, to stop suicide. Sometimes there isn’t enough anyone can do. Sometimes suicide happens. Death is part of life and people die from illnesses all the time.
Question: Why do we fight against death from mental illness, specifically by suicide, so hard? Please tell me your story.
Related Articles
- Editorial: Prison Suicides (nytimes.com)
- Predicting suicidal behaviour-first international index developed (tricitypsychology.com)
- Talking can help reduce stigma of suicide (timesunion.com)
- It Is My Choice to Take Care of Someone, Even in The Context of Suicide (friendtoyourself.com)
My dad committed suicide, Doc, and I’ve never quite understood it. Look forward to reading the comments here.
thank u much cin, for leading so courageously out w this comment. u r all woman girl. can’t believe i “found” you.
Of course I have thought of this alternative many times. I am glad I am here despite unfortunate and unpleasant matters. I would not have seen 3 grandchildren who bring me such delight and joy with their mere presence. I have decided that suicide, unless plagued by a terminal painful illness, is very selfish because it deprives others from giving you their love and giving love to them. The quality of life for those who need me and depend on me would be drastically diminished and I cannot allow that to happen. And I remind myself of all the wonderful people I have met and with whom I share and how valuable and precious this experience has been since my first post 7/31/10
we’re glad to be with u too. 7/31/10 wasn’t that long ago but what God has done in us since!
i hear u in your comment.
wondering about that word still – selfish. so twisted up w morality and judgment. how can we detangle it from the other obvious truths that if u died, those who loved you, depended on you, would b w/o u suffering? it’s definitely tough. thank u for again, …you.
This is a fascinating question and one I have pondered over and over. I’m bipolar, mostly depressed, and have been suicidal more times than I can remember.
My answer to you is this: there is a “thing” that exists within me (yes, some might call it a soul) that doesn’t want to die no matter how much my brain wants to, no matter how much bipolar wants to. To me, this thing is a candle. It’s the tiniest spec of light in an otherwise dark and tattered existence. But it’s there. Sometime. Intangible. Ethereal. But I swear as real as the air we breathe,
This isn’t a religious thing, this is just a human thing. I used to chalk it up to Darwinian biology and simply say we’re programmed to live for evolutionary reasons, but really, that’s not it. It’s something else. It’s the difference between us and a rock. The rock has no pinpoint of light, but we do.
– Natasha
i second jacqui!
“I swear as real as the air we breathe” – so lovely. thank u natasha. keep on.
I think that just like we don’t want to let people go when they have other “health problems” we don’t want to let them go when they have “mental health problems”. It’s sad when people die, no matter what. We don’t want our loved ones to give up.
We tell them to fight.
Eventually seeing them in so much physical pain from trying to hold on, we tell them they don’t need to fight anymore. But it still hurts. We still don’t want to let go.
With “mental health issues” we do not always see them, so we don’t realize that holding on only brings them more pain. We don’t grasp this concept, and we do everything we can to keep them from leaving us because we think they are simply “being dramatic”.
There is a lot of pain and baggage, no matter what.
i luv’d your comment heather.
for example, “we do not always see them” – wow. how many of us have been on both sides of that place? – not seeing and not being seen. thank u heather.
Two of my family members committed suicide, so this post really strikes a chord with me.
I think we fight against suicide because we’re optimistic and believe that things will get better. When someone is in a dark place, they slowly lose hope until they think there’s no way they’ll ever see light again. From the outside looking in, we want to tell them to hold on a little bit longer… that circumstances will change and they’ll be happy again.
Sometimes it’s not enough though. Sometimes love and support are not enough to make someone stay. I’ll never fully understand why.
jaclyn! u r an elegant writer. i will never fully understand why either. you spoke of this w such a sense of presence. thank u for commenting.
I think we fight to stay alive because someone says it’s wrong to do otherwise and it hurts others, and so we fight. Having not wanted to live often over the last twenty years, but having been talked out of dying, I, like Carl, am really glad that I’m still here. What I would have missed takes my breath away.
That being said, at least in my case, I wanted to die because I wanted to get away from my mind – my thoughts – my memories, and I couldn’t think of any other way to get away. As I think I’ve said before here, a Disney guide once said “Remember. Wherever you go, YOU are there!” It was funny at the time, but when you don’t want YOU there, the alternative seems logical. Thank God for family, friends, my faith and and support like this blogsite.
Nancy lady. “What I would have missed takes my breath away” – mm.
I hear what u r saying about having felt trapped as well. perceptions. thank God, yes.
As a young child I was moved from pillar to post due to my mothers mental illness, on many occasions she would attempt suicide right in front of me. either sliting her wrists, or swallowing alot of pills.Hence for years I would not take pills for depression or mania I was in denial.I have children of my own my youngest of 14, I would not put him thru the same ordeal even if it means that I’m in pain alot.Then there is for me, this cant be it for me surely I have more to accomplish, more to experience maybe even some happiness? My mother died a year ago from natural causes thnakfully, finally an end to all the pain she suffered, she was alone for a long time. I’d like to try and do better.I don’t want to loose what I have left.
Davida, I was at dinner when i read your comment. goose-pimples sprang up, i became distracted and had to share your story w my husband. it’s not just the suffering, but it’s also the courage by contrast that i find so inspiring. thank u for sharing this w all of us. u r not alone. keep on.
Oh, this is such a tough topic for many. I lost a close friend years ago to suicide and it was devastating to me and something I will never forget. Some people are just in so much pain that it is hard to see outside of it.
I have friends who have been through horrific childhoods who have been suicidal at times and I admire their inner strength to go on and be hopeful for a better future. Hope..sometimes is all you have to hang on.
hello lady-sharon. i’m sorry your friend died. we stand beside u even at this late hour – years later. why don’t we grieve more together? we’ve lost that in our community some.
This is such a difficult topic. Natasha–what a wonderful insight. Thank you for your thoughts.
thanks jacqui for your support. it is golden.
One thing that has me here is that until I determine that my condition is PERMANENT despair, I cannot justify a permanent solution.
You would be a very busy fellow in Miami in you work. Narcomoney, megabank and megacorp fraud, insurance/medicare fraud, kickbacks, etc. This is one corrupt place with vast international ties.
Oh, yes, Carl! We read about our comrades in that area and wonder why they don’t give up in frustration! Here in Kansas, I get frustrated with the dry qualities of our day, but in Miami, the frustration would be the opposite – Not being able to stop a fraction of the bad stuff…
i got family in KA and Miami and neither i think envies the other.
Carl’s, we r related by any chance?
@Carl, (Carl you guys, come on! not Carl!) i love your articulate expression of what many of us want to say. we want to speak up, like u, w such linear logic about hope. keep on.
Sana: very low suicide rates among the Amish… get those stress levels down! eric
dear eric, the amish got it going. stress is corosive!~ thank u for bringing it to our attn again. u helped me think about my own self-care w what kind of “house-keeping” i’m doing and i definitely need to clean out some dust bunnies. just thinking about it made me feel healthier! folks – cut some fat off and love yourself more.
Dogs do not commit suicide, therefore, it is not a natural part of life. Any other questions?
Dogs don’t have the tools or the thinking strategies so people help them accomplish it.
i think this dog has a degree of it, but you’re right, definitely not much.
there u r timothy. off out and about peeing on bushes and peoples lawns. did u see any comrades getting hit by cars? – not that it was suicide…
None of my pals got nailed this week. Also, I am not peeing, I am marking. Dogs do what is instinctual and natural.
ah. the education is never wasted.
in the uk it comes down to duty of care well thats what i have allways been told i had a major brakedown last week and i ended up in hospital the day after but this time i did something really naughty i did not tell the whole truth i did to my theropist and as a result im not getting theropy punishment so there is justice i dont get theropy till im ready but i am getting another CPN i got to the poitnt where my castle crumbled i started quiteing away form people maybee people will wounder what led up to this i do why becuase ilearn form what i have done wrong and i do see it as bad first of all i went threw all my savings witch as anyone will know they were to goto america next mounth becuase i got sanctioned for not going for a job that has to be one of the biggest blows second i could not get my new business up or my new blog to most people they could probably handle this i could not then there was the police trying to kick me out of kevs or and they pushed me and intimedated me and i felt like a criminal 4 th blow and on that night there was to many blows it had been a leed up to this and the whole thing went out and i needed the reset button i needed to be out of this and fithly i was told that all my fireds belived over here that i dont have BPD i am just taking off the country and not working i am protending and i am oerfectly fine and should pull my socks up i was very hurt fro this and more than my forend would beleve this is now my 69th time in hospital since i was 22 what what have i learnt from all this these things are going to happen i am going to get like this when i aim to high i am going to come down with a bang when it all goes wrong i have two mounth to save up to and to change my life and give it a better shot i may have lost nearly everything but in ending up in hospital im still alive and now for the positves my mp replyed to me and my sanction has now been lifted by the job centre so i get paid normal kev has forgiven me for his jewry going missing and says he didnt think i had stolen them but he had to make me relise how mutch danger i was putting my self in and that leaving a door on the latch in a bad neigborhood wasnt good the job centre have now changed my agreement to say i cant work with people so i dont have to goto this 14 week group thing my firend in america still wants to be with me my heart beat is nearly back to normal i only have myslef to balme for that one im getting a mental health mentor at uni for one hour a week and the job centre are going to work with this person on there info so the big bang in my life was going to happen nobody could of stopped it and even say there was a crisis team i still would have done it i went past the point of no return it weird when you come back to earth after it becuase you have to pick you pices back up again there was a lot of things that led up to this i am still strugeling more than i thought i would but i am getting there just being there for people who are suicidal isnt enuff you have to have the will to live and the will to fight when that is lost theres nothing mutch there left but we must still try to keep them people alive if we can and they want to play im back to the figting ground myself and i want to live
this is lovely kevin, this community taking care of it’s own approach. thank u for sharing this along w your own wanting. life is here for u and us. keep on.