Image by Erik - parked in Cairo these days via Flickr
We are doing a narrative series on understanding where emotions and behaviors come from:
- Emotions Are Contagious – Emotions shared
- Our own Emotional Junk – Emotions hidden
- Positive Emotions and Behaviors are Contagious Too
- Our Conscious Self is Our Board and Paddle at Sea – Small conscious self and BIG unconscious self
- Biopsychosocial Model – Biological, Psychological, Social selves
- Me! (Today’s Post)
What we have covered so far in our series is that we know emotions are contagious. We know that if we take care of our own first, we might not be as “susceptible” to negative “contagion” in turn and perhaps, be more available to giving and receiving positive “emotion-contagion.” Further, we hope that if we do this, we might be able to choose to be with people we love even if they don’t do their own self-care. We can have that connection without personalizing what isn’t about us. Sigh. That is nice, isn’t it? Then …out at sea (away from our narrative for a day,) we talked about the pleasure in engaging with what bits of biology are directly available to us and the relationship we maintain with the big expanse of our unconscious biology. Yesterday we reviewed our biopsychosocial model as a tool for further understanding where our emotions and behaviors come from.
Self-Care Tip #272 – If you are ever unsure about where your emotions and behaviors are coming from, it is always safe and true enough to say, “Me.”
Where do emotions and behaviors come from?
Me.
For example: Me <–> Emotions Shared <–> Me <–> Emotions Hidden <–> Me <–> small conscious self and BIG unconscious self <–> Me <–> Biological, Psychological, Social selves <–> Me… round and round, starting and ending and starting with Me.
Rob and Yesenia were both breathing hard. Rob was pale and Yesenia flushed. Where to start? With Me. This is what I shared with them both.
Put your spouse down and take three steps back! Own your own self. Take care of your own self. In the process, you will be able to pick each other up again and share love.
Questions: What are you holding, carrying, using to explain where your emotions and behaviors come from? How have you been able to put those down and hold yourself? Please tell me your story.
Mine’s a little too personal to share here, but … suffice to say … I DID IT!
way to go cin. thanks for telling us that u succeeded! sweet.
My emotions come from a place inside me that has been discolored by many unpleasant experiences that overshadow the pleasant ones. Because I know this, I have practiced well and long enough that my initial reactions do not hail from the dark place. When hit with negative vibes I now react as kindly as I can(unless they did not refill the ice cube tray with water) or step back or withdraw to allow my emotions to express themselves in a controlled and sensible and non confrontational fashion no matter how hurtful the action of others maybe. I don’t let stupid and ignorant getta whola me. I have also managed my anger to the point that the only time I get angry is when someone pisses me off.
i like that last sentence carl – …unless u get pissed off! u r a force to contend w mister. thanks for sharing your hard work on taking care of yourself w us!
Many think that owning oneself is limiting and dont want to do the wwork, take responsibility…However, it is freeing because when you learn to do things for yourself it also becomes ingrained to also care for those around you.
great flow of thought and consequence suz! thank u!!
“Put your spouse down…” I love it.
Or, put the children down… That was my epiphany from last night. We do not have to moralize differences in temperament typologies. It is not my job to turn my ESFP daughter (I took the test for her) into someone who views the world like I do (I fluctuate between INFJ and INTJ, depending on mood—very J pronounced, very N expressed). My epiphany from last night was that I can choose to set down guilt, shame, blame, and worry with respect to shaping my children—and focus more on shaping me. We all are going to be whomever we were born to be. I think that’s one piece if the puzzle for me… Other pieces to come….
Also, do you have any sites about how different temperament types can learn to communicate in each others’ language? Obviously there are huge differences between sensors and intuits and perceivers and judgers…and we are highest expressed in our differences.
laughing. u would luv that. that’s what i like about u.
i also luv’d your thoughts sarah.
“I can choose to set down guilt, shame, blame, and worry …and focus more on shaping me.”
and especially:
“we are highest expressed in our differences.” bang! that was good. thank u.
For me getting old and getting the hormones outta the way has helped a lot.
But seriously, I often ask myself is what I am experiencing fact or feelin?
Then I ask myself if I am telling myself the truth or am I lying to myself? It surprises me that usually when I am in an emotional storm I am lying to myself. The truth does set you free!
i can’t figure out how old u r because u “talk” like u r young and expectant of life still. but i have often dreamed of what it might b like w/o hormones! u just make us dream more w this u know.
thx for sharing your stormy self w us. keep on.
LOL Of course I am still “expectant” of life… it’s just my body that is old!
laughing. laughing again.
“What are you holding, carrying, using to explain where your emotions and behaviors come from? How have you been able to put those down and hold yourself?”╔══════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════╗
Well this is all way over my head… but I believe all of the worst, all of the best and all of the experiences in between taught me everything I know. But it doesn’t make me who I am. That part is up to me.
As a child, I was made to pinch my nose repeatedly for 30 minutes a day because it was too wide (by the way, it doesn’t work. lol). For a long time I wanted a nose job… but when I became an adult, nobody was making me feel bad about my nose anymore… so why am I doing that for them? I had to make a conscious decision to not give away my power. I had to take it back and own it.
Well that sounds a bit dramatic… I didn’t get up and go somewhere or do anything… but it happened in my head… but it did take as much effort as getting up would have. lol
My life story doesn’t begin with, “I’m an only child of divorced parents.”
It begins, “I am an artist, mother and wife…” Hugs and Blessings! Jasmine Wilmany
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it’s great to laugh w u jasmine on these things. my dear mom told me to pinch my nail beds so they’d b long and slender. take one look at me and u’ll see that nothing could make anything on me long and slender! i especially luv your beginning statement. what a girl u r. thx for sharing w us.
SO true, Doc, thank you for this: whenever I have accorded myself time to regenerate, my relationships have been better. Must remember to make time.
me too Kate! i write it easier than i live it (smile.)
From the comments above it looks like your question meant different things to different people. I’m not sure what you meant.
What are you holding, carrying, using to explain where your emotions and behaviors come from? How have you been able to put those down and hold yourself? Please tell me your story.
We talked about our emotions coming from brain chemicals in another post. How have I put those down and hold my self? I step back and look at myself. I write about what I’m feeling and see if it’s valid. I talk about my feelings to my husb. And hope it’s a two way street. That he talks about his feelings with me as much as I talk to him about mine.
great take on this clar. your view and understanding is all we ever want to hear from u about (smile)
My emotions and behaviors are in great part ruled by my brain damage. All the abuse as a child, growing up, etc. are part of how I developed (or under-developed) the use of my emotions and behaviors…. blah, blah, blah… It’s the same old story. But it is what makes me mentally disabled today. Marie.
blah blah blah. u crack me up marie. i’m really sorry to hear about your abuse and duress. u r so precious and valuable. i’m so so happy u r becoming your own friend. keep on.
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