Please get back on your meds!
Pretha explained that her mom had done better on her medication. It was the irritability that isolated her. That and the boredom.
It’s just boring, her daughter said. It’s boring because there’s just so little there before she falls into her fray. The venere is so thin. It’s just boring.
Pretha’s mom who had taken her medication didn’t see what it was doing for her. Every day it had hurt her a little, knowing what she knew. She was better now that she had given it over to God. Her life without medication was a testimony to the power of God. She had not been faithful taking medication.
What do you think, doctor? How am I doing? Aren’t I doing well?
Pretha’s mom was difficult to maintain eye contact with. I wanted to please her. That’s not easy for a physician. At least for me. It was more uncomfortable because my thoughts had already skated down the path of what if’s. Whatever I said, Pretha’s mom wasn’t going to get back on her meds.
Where’s the self-care in this? Pretha? Mom? Physician? You, reader? Do you identify with any of us?
Pretha and I have similar jobs. Keep what is about Me, right there. Be present with ourselves first and subsequent to that more able to be present with Pretha’s mom.
Pretha’s mom has her job of sifting through her distortions, using her same organ that is diseased to understand her disease. Pretha’s mom’s job is large.
What is your self-care job reader? Please tell us your story.
A few years ago I decided to stop taking my meds. The panic attack had been so long ago and I had convinced myself that I was better. One of my self-care job is to stay rational about who I am.
Everyone wants to feel cured and giving up the meds would seem as though we were.
I am not ashamed that I must take my meds. They help me be me. Other people may have to take insulin and such, so what’s the difference? Is the dysfunction of one organ versus the unwellness of another in another person an indicator of the quality of a person’s character? I try to be vigilant and conscious to catch myself if I am out of kilter, I know why, take a deep breath and adjust according as the meds are not a perfect panacea.
Great answer, Carl!! Thanks.
thank u for this bit of your truth.
i’ve been thinking about your, “the meds are not a perfect panacea.” fair and gracious.
“Stay rational about who I am.” You speak timeless words. It is something like that movie, 50 First Dates, in the recurring realization, grieving and acceptance of illnesses that can’t find cures. Giving up on the meds is an obvious choice to get away, huh? Maybe if we made a movie out of why we do what we do for self-care and play it every morning it would help. (Help or make us sleep somewhere else :).) thanks for that M.
This is so tough. I wouldn’t know where to begin.
that’s a thick book in your hand. 🙂
Meds. To be on them or not to be on them. The eternal question in the heads of those of us who are suffering from mental illness. Three years ago I took myself off prescription antidepressants after fourteen years of trying everything that came on the market and reacting to each one of them to one extent or another. Last winter I started on Sam-E. Did it work? I don’t know. I think it depends on the day or the situation. At least I’m more conscious than I was on prescription meds but, then again, the stress in my life this spring and summer has been so intense that I have often thought maybe I don’t want to be as conscious as I am. I have learned how to take care of myself in other ways but sometimes wonder if the other ways are enough, but the fear of more reactions and more weight and more med changes…. And around and around I go. So I ask my husband or my kids, “Am I good? Am I different? Is this different good?”, and their answer is, “Well, how do YOU feel you are?”.
I wish we had an answer, those of us who need or don’t need or think we need or don’t need meds. We have answers for others around us. My daughter has TMJ, the result of an extremely difficult situation at work. My other daughter is a mess because of the stress at work and at home. My immediate inclination is to say “See a doctor. He can give you something that will help.” Thier reaction is “Mom, look at what you went through on them. No way I want to go through that!” And I can’t say “Yes, but…..” because I don’t know and I’m not sure and I wish…………
it takes a lot of courage to speak up when you know you have lived contradictions. i celebrate your courage. keep talking
Boredom is the wrong word. It’s anxiety causing for the other person. For the loved one watching the patient not taking their meds. When one’s veneer is so thin, when irritability is a breath away then the loved one doesn’t know where they stand, what to do, where does projection end and reality start?
Using the same organ means one has to depend on others to decide for them. Their yardstick has to be the other people in their lives to determine their welfare.
“Using the same organ means one has to depend on others to decide for them.” Depending on others = self-care. nice clar
well long time i have a new laptop weyhey to start with my girl friend louise bought it for me yep were back together after all the hurt and pain she caused i have been quoted as “unable to do better for myslef ” but i do love her and sometimes to put your pain in the past you can move on a little we are getting engaged as well aftand after moving down south and cutting louise off she started to copy my triats not good basicaly she was being self destructive drinking 24/7 and not eating on top of been a diabetic type 1 not really good behaviour but she wanted me close so we could stay in contact and i cut her off blank not long after that my first OD that was when i found out louise was in a really bad way threat of losing her legs and left kidney i really didnt take it well while i was down there i was with another girl i tryed a relationship out and i could not find love or feel love like i use to be loved plus when i was left i was putting myslef into hospital that will be the fear of rejection kicking in this girl who i was with siad i should go visit louise so i did and i was shocked she had gone down hill more than me i took a massive OD again and the girl firend form down south went back down south and i stayed up north i did go into a diabetic coma but my heart survived and i live to tell the tale so i went to the councill to get rehoused since kevs tenancy was up anyway they put me in temp accomadation while they try to sort me and louise out kev has been a good guy and wrote us a good refrence so the games have not begun quite yet as such i am looking after myslef but you have to be good there are security on all night etc and you cant do like you would maybee in your own house i have been refered back to ian up here but that is a while off yet i was on a four week protest with my docotrs and the mental health team becuase i wanted them to review my meds but i have gave up on that one mind the first week i was really ill suicidall sleeping nightmares etc the second and thiird week i was feeling really good doing things life was really good i was happy yes i admit i can be the profit of doom somtimes but i had some happy weeks off my meds but the honey moon period in my head did not last and louise went to kevs with me and got mortal drunk and had a good four hours slagging me off etc with all the best of language included i was very hurt very hurt and i started back on my meds again ive been really sleepy but i think they are helping with louise after that i thought i had done something wrong i had i had rejected her for my new laptop and she was getting even in intrest my therapist ian looked at louise and yes she is a lose cannon when drink is down her neck but when she is not drinking she is the best lover i could ever have fairytale love i get to cuddle her all the time hold eatch others hand be a big kid in a way i can be myslef with louise if that makes sense i dont fear her and she makes my life complete to a certain extent she gets up in the morning befire me and she makes a cup of tea for me as welll i am so clingy with her voe and so childish i stamp my feet cross my arms and she is use to that and can cope with me not being able to goto pubs so i think i have anserd my therpists question what is so special about louise that i cant live with out all of the above we have major leeps to make and barriers to cross and one of the biggest barriers with louise was she cant have kids witch was allways a trigger so i looked into adobtion and they siad it was going to be very cloudy very little chance in other words becuase of the trouble i got into as a kid and my bpd and my behavior giving very little hope for kids ever with me and louise at that point when i found that out i did feel like a failure very suicidall but being me i carried on fighting the thoughts and then this is by chance i found a little bit information about estonia my dad was estonian even voe he lived in this country that means i can take resedce in estonia a brand new start medical recirds scraped police records scraped very early stages in my resarch with this but the posibility is there thats what i maybee need and what i have been looking for jobwise i have been given a job card for an agency who can support a buisness for me and do all the hard work witch i dont like i dont know what they are like at the moment but it sounds really good with access of upto £5000 unsecured funds sounds all good sum myelf up a little me and louise match we love eatch other but there are barriers louise needs to be able to go out without having to goto a bar for a drink afterwoods i have her diabetees no under controll very hard task as she doesnt like doing her blood sugers she is eating again and had one blow out i need to get her into some kind of hobbie to occupy her mind she doesnt have a hobby apart from drinking i can provide her with the secirity she wants to settle down with like adobting it will be complicated as hell but can be done 4 weeks and one big drink is one major step fowward for her i think this new business might get her inspired a little her legs are all healed now her sight is getting worse but laser treatment will hopefully help there her deppresion i dont think it is depression voices in her head when she drinks and also when she is not drinking when she is down the tablets seem to just stablise her mood if she dosnt take take them i get my head bitton off also she has a very bad concetration she cant concetrate for more than say 2 or 3 mins on the same subject it seems she loves me i love her we just have to stick together as soon as she has had her eye treatemnt she is going to join in online with me a bit and write her own blog
great to hear from you kevin! we were thinking about u and so glad u r back in touch, alive and sounding hopeful. that etoh/beer/liquor/coolers/or any alcohol of choice is definitely the enemy. virtual support floating your way. keep on.