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My kids look at fruit as if they are inspecting a diamond for flaws.
Is this a good one Mommy?
My daughter was pointing at a blemish that comes from fruit grown outside in dirt and not genetically engineered.
My huffing sounds are barred by something almost like maturity, just in time. I pick up a different White Sapote with broken skin and beak marks where it is half eaten by whoever got there first.
After spitting out the seeds, I remembered bits of my filthy self as a daddy-chasing kid. The words dusted off and important to me again, I heard Dad say,
Pick the fruit that the birds have pecked at. They know what’s good better than we do. Here Sana. Take this one. This is really sweet.
The fruit turning in my daughter’s hand, the cast-offs still in the basket, her anxiety about finding the best and my dad’s words came at me like the sounds between Broadway and 42nd Street. And out walked Jean.
Jean was a patient I had known, particular to me despite common problems.
Abuse since at least my daughter’s age or younger. Neglect. Disgusting trauma survived.
Jean who, after getting picked on for the first thirty years of her life, came to me, insisting on living. She resisted being a White Sapote in a bowl on the counter, inspected by passerbys. Her community had tried to declare her value, her second chances and hoped to cast her off.
Pick the fruit that the birds have pecked at. They know what’s good better than we do. Here Sana.
Jean’s face was in my memory. Her white scar on her black skin shocked me; a large keloid.
Take this one. This is really sweet.
I gave my daughter a squeeze and told her what Papa had said. I’m so glad my daughter reminded me about this in we who have been hurt. (Okay. That’s all of us, see it or not.) The way Jean grew, looked for light, the courage she answered to, the newness that came out of used up and shabbiness – Jean was teaching me about value.
Even when we are not behaving well, when we don’t look good and when we drop the market price, we have value. Somehow, being chosen for life is more important than being chosen to suffer. I wish I could explain why and how better but it’s just something each of us will have to experience for ourselves. We will have to in humility and wisdom, like Jean’s or my dad’s wisdom, find the sweetness in Me.
Questions: What is it about you that is particularly sweet? Do you perceive your value? Per what measure or qualifier? Please tell us your story.
Self-Care Tip: Discover your sweetness. Be a friend to yourself
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Great post – and as I see it – pick yourself first! And pick yourself no matter how bruised, hurt, abused, and damaged you may appear on the outside – pick yourself FIRST and always! I love what your dad taught you about choosing the fruit that the birds pecked at.
I am learning that men may overlook me, women may trash talk about me, my siblings might be jealous of me, and the world may reject me, but none of this matters when I pick myself first! I am the best me that will ever be and all I need is me, myself and I – the energy that is me.
thank u carol! i’m smiling real big knowing that we resonated on this. thank u especially for expanding this so well! your words speak to me and i know others. keep on.
Agree with Carol – great and useful image.
One I’ll have to remember.
Thanks so much. I agree that it has been worth my thought-bank. Hugs
wow – what a great reply! i will remember that always and how you honor yourself. well done and thank you for sharing!
Muaah. Thanks col
This is unbelievably beautiful, Doc. What a moment in your family, and what a torrent of recollection and learning! Thank you. I shall always remember your Dad’s words. Our flaw are so often the signpost to what is extraordinary in us.
yay for kate! u say things so well kate. i’m a bit of a closet “kate-writing” groupie if it must come out. “our flaws are so often the signpost to what s extraordinary in us.” excuse me! but that rocked!
Sweetness. I am currently working on Polarities in my Soul Circle. I have been driven from within on one of my in particular. Ugly/Beauty. Through exercises we have determined some of our own. A repressed aspect and a “mask” for that aspect. It took me some time to realize I had suppressed Beauty (no one was allowed to be anything more than our mother, she was so fragile and mentally ill and I am just sad today about that) anyways it took a bit to get started but when I did “It Flowed” from within. As I wrote I realized that I had been focusing so much about physical beauty in hopes that if I were physically beautiful someone would love me, and as long as I was fat and “ugly” no one would. A lot of this stuff is buried pretty deep. I just didn’t realize it so clearly.
So the list that follows are the characteristics of what I consider to be Sweet in me – big breath I am suddenly nervous and none of you know who I am but this is scary to put out into the world as it were!
Sweetness of Col
God centered, creative, being present, loving, capable, success (as in I am allowed to be successful and I am just by being human), achieving, shining, giving/sharing with others, empowering others/myself, feminine physically, sexual, Grace, fearless, accomplishing, caring of myself and my possessions, permission, abundant, playful, laughing, genuine, TRUTH.
Some I did not include, but the bottom line for me, is that my sweetness is allowing me to be me, and others to be themselves and to really see the God light in them and myself. All of the things I listed and some I didn’t are about who I really am and the polarities (yup I have that list too!) and I am allowed to let all the light shine of every aspect of me because to do so is absolutely sweet because it is Love.
I am allowed to be successful in my endeavors and have nice things around me. I live a very modest life in many respects and for so long it was because I didn’t believe I was allowed to have more and its because actually I like a modest life! I don’t need or want all the “fixings” but if I did I could choose them. I have choices today where before I felt I didn’t.
If this list doesn’t make sense that’s okay. It does to me, it is my list I have made for me that is my Sweetness my Beauty. So much the past two weeks has been about Beauty. Scripture verses, my writing from within, so many things, and its so much more than physically being beautiful or sweet. Its about my light that shines out. THANK YOU GOD! Thanks Sana for the opportunity to write this, its pretty darn scary! Col
thank u col for answering the question. that sounds like a plane group of words but i’m sincere. i luv engaging w u, w your energy and sincerity. add that to your list. beautiful btw.