I keep hoping she calls and tells me she regrets this.
I’m amazed every time at how much suffering any one of us experiences. If we live long enough. This statement above was from Frank. He and his wife separated one week before Thanksgiving and now Christmas had passed. And now New Years was here. She wasn’t though. The pain came, deep where he thought his roots once lived. Frank found that some mornings, he would roll over in bed, reach out and in the empty space that found him, he would awaken. He was alone. A pain that only the absence of something important and enourmous can bring, gaping, vacuous, and with it’s own force of gravity, that pain would grab at him, cold and sticky. Formless. He was losing shape.
Why won’t she come home?
This is familiar perhaps to you. In some one thing or another. You lost.
As this 2014 slips away, we hear a lot of the gratitude we “should” be feeling. And, well, we should. But for Frank, and those of us who have a struggle against the loss, if you can in any way, pick what to remember, remember that your love is not without form. Love is that way.
…Even so, just for the fun of it, to Frank, and the rest of us, let’s shake our fist at the losses like this!
you did not deserve my lashes
my curves the
drop from my hip
these lips or ankles I wear.
remember holding hands under the table?
you did not deserve my efforts
my passion that came like buckets of milk
nor the whisper of my
thoughts my nuggets of gold
remember?
the best that I have was
almost yours but you did not deserve
Self-care tip: Let us discover the form of Love again, in 2015, knowing that although we will inevitably again suffer, we will still have Love. That makes all the difference. Keep on!
Question: What have you lost? How does Love show you Her form? Please tell us your story.
To all the Franks out there, I can promise that it does get better. My husband left me the day our 6th baby was born. I went into a severe depression where I did not want to live. The only thing that kept me going was those babies, who truly needed me. It took me ten long years of trying to change and learning about myself and growing stronger before I finally met a man who doesn’t try to change me. Who loves me just as I am. With all my faults, the depression episodes, the anxiety, the stresses, the days of exhaustion. He loves me through them all and doesn’t try and “fix” me. Somehow, he seems to know that I just need him to be there. To support me, to love me in spite of myself and my fears.
I have learned that a healthy relationship doesn’t involve fixing. It is caring and sharing and becoming. It is loving through the hard times and the easy ones. He has taught me that.
We have been married for over 20 years now and he is still here for me. I thought I lost everything, even myself in those years. There were so many trials and so many nights of wishing and wanting what I lost back. Now, I would not change anything, because all that I went through made me who I am today. All those times brought me love. They taught me to be more than I ever imagined I would be. There is so much I could share, but I won’t. For each of us, our journey is unique. It is hard. It is heart-breaking. But I have learned that becoming who I am right now is worth the difficulty. To get to this point was worth the sadness and the tears.
I appreciate so much the love that I have been given. Love does indeed make all the difference.
This story is heartbreaking, as are so many others, and I do agree 100%. We often neglect “what we have”…
Hello Thys!!!!!! Thank you for speaking out. I appreciate you, “what we have,” 🙂
Dear Pattyann, your comment has set in me, quiet and peaceful, resonant and just what this site needed. Your hope is. Thank you.
Maple. Sweet Maple puppy dog is the form my love takes. Joy. Pure present joy. Walks around the lakes or romps in the dog park bring tail high up and my 8 year old golden retriever showing her play bow and puppy dog dance so free and unencumbered. Committed to her person, momma of 8 years. Oh what beauty and love embraces my heart, in the form of my doggie, my girl. My loss. My love of 15 years in 2015. I walk on with Mapley experiencing presence and hope – to shine on –
Kelly, such lovely flow of thought and words! U blew me away. Thank u.
Someone with far better writing skills than I once penned “It is far greater to have Loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” No matter how we live, Love will cost us. Often the question is, how much do we want to spend? We all know that if we spend a lot we open up the possibility to loose a lot, but what is the reward? What we put in may not equal what the other person is willing to spend. “Oh death, where is thy sting?” Oh Love where is thy blossom? Where we lose love by death, resolve, or indifference we still loose. Is it better to lose life now and not feel the death of Love of another? Some tell me that I am selfish, self centered and incapable of Love if I think this way. I am a Victum. How much do I feel pain or Love?
Thank you much for your words and resonance. Somehow, known in a galaxy far away, I am sure, there is the understanding of how in the heck that these moments of pleasure we experience in life make all the rest worth it! Keep on!