Anger

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Angry Responses

offended, by Thys le Roux

If you are not deeply grounded in who you are and what you are doing, if you have not done your own work on your own entitlement and issues, you will by snagged be what others think about you.  This is why what YouTube comments have nothing to do with the video.

When you actually make something and take the risk and roll up your sleeves, when you choose to get off the couch, you become a wall for others to bounce off.  Think of movie reviewers who sit for two hours in a movie and write their review, but never spent a minute on the set nor participated in the grueling effort to create it.   What right do they have?  

The sense of being disempowered is terrifying.  This motivates both sides of this relationship – the creators and the responders.  The people who are the very best, work very very hard on the basics and that is why is looks casual and easy.

Bruce Springsteen’s new album drops today.  A man of hard labor and great flow in performance.   How old is he now?!  He targets everyday people searching for redemption.  He has been around long enough to gather criticism but here he still is, productive, creative, connecting with the world.

When you receive criticism, step one is not to defend.  Do not send them to the website  where they can learn more.  Step one is to find out what else is in the room.

You may go down the trail of defending, whip out your power point, only to find out that their question is a place holder.  They do not understand why you got off the couch and started talking.  Understand where the criticism is coming from.  You defuse things this way and also get to the question behind the question.

Say, “Tell me where that is coming from.”  Or, “Tell me more.”

The sooner you can figure out what else is in the room, what other associations are made from what you just said or did, the sooner you have connection and efficacy.

– This post is credited to thoughts gleaned from Rob Bell.  Thank you Rob Bell.

Question:  How have others attacked your best efforts?  How have you been able to separate what is about you and what is about them?  How have you helped the others in their conflict so in the end you were able to connect?  Or not?  Please tell your story.

Self Care Tip:  Own your own junk and let others own theirs to connect.

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The Process Of Coping With Triggers Such as Anger Includes Awareness

Two people in a heated argument about religion...

Two people in a heated argument about religion when Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke at Columbia University. Click the audio button found above and to the left to listen to them. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Self-Care Tip #132 – Awareness comes over and over again when you are a friend to yourself.

A reader posted in response to yesterday’s blog, When Someone Is Afraid Of You, You Don’t Have To Be Afraid Of Them. Just Be,

Sometimes it feels like any negativity dirties me up forever. I have a really difficult time dealing with any of the more negative emotions…. I am not sure how to “just be” with respect to those emotions…it always feels like anger whittles away my soul. Any ideas for coping through the times when we get really angry?

Taking care of ourselves requires awareness.  Just seeing it for what it is.  Being tuned in.  Having that degree of knowing.  Insight.

Awareness is sort of like “I love you’s.”  When we hear them, we might need to hear it again 5 minutes later.  There are no available stock options.  If the love doesn’t keep coming, than problems start.  Same with awareness.  We restore our own awareness how best we can, over and over again.  It slips and when new feelings come up, it may seem like it never happened.

My dad came over a week ago and spent the day with me and the kids.  The joy of just being able to spend a whole day with him was unique.  It was a different company than when he visits for an hour or on a timeline.  This day was all ours.  He left his car, and his cell phone behind.  He rode with me and the kids, sans detractors.  We were relaxed together.  Present.  There was a lot more time of just sitting quietly doing our thing but sharing even in silence our own selves.

Today he called, “To check on the tribe.”  He reminded me that it had been “just” a week since we spent that time together.  In my business of filling cereal bowls, the office, picking up dirty kleenex, training our dog where to poop – our time with Dad seemed like a long time ago.  I told him half jokingly, “Dad, we aren’t a bank account.  You have to keep coming.  You don’t accrue interest on what you put in.”

So is our own self-care.  It’s not that we are starting from scratch every time we take a bath.  It’s more that when we get into the flow of caring for ourselves inside and out, it becomes a regenerating, constantly investing rhythm that may at some times take thought and at others just happen because that’s who we’ve become.

One step of coping is that regenerating, repeating, purposeful process of awareness.  Our reader’s question about coping with getting angry put simply, requires awareness.  Because coping is soooo much more than just that, I’m sure it is too simple but it’s a start.  From there, come other bits of coping.  But without awareness, hmm.  Not much is going to happen.

Question:  What is your process of coping with triggers such as anger?  Do you think about it or is it cued subconsciously?  Please tell me your story.

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