This is a slight remake from 7/25/10. Hugs to all.
In the evenings, when the kids are just in bed, the backlash of the day seems to have a few last flicks. Despite the anticipated quiet, my shoulders are tight. Dusk, when the land meets the sky, is when I feel like eating …chocolate specifically.
I purposefully don’t bring it home, except the darkest chocolate sold with over 75% cacao for this very reason. It’s so dark, it’s practically bark.
Home is my safe place and I need to know that it is as safe as possible, even from me. I used to bring treats home that were to be eaten in moderation, but I found that when the monster in me crept out. I’d board myself up in the pantry and polish it off. That would turn me to self-loathing. It was a cycle. I got tired of being my enemy and knowing what was coming next.
Now, I choose to simply go out for my chocolate. I eat what I want when I’m out, when I’m less likely to eat myself into despair. Now, when I’m home, I can pick a different fight rather than fighting the urge to closet eat. Home is a little more safe for me.
Tonight, the kids went to bed ok, but I still took my turn around the fridge and pantry, even though I knew there was nothing, absolutely nothing, I’d want to eat in my house. I am in danger now of developing something of a ritual in this rummage around the kitchen. The good thing is that when I do make the turn, it leads me to the thought of just going to my bike and riding. Tonight, after a 30 minute spin, while watching the last 1/2 of the première to Glee, I am good again. I’m thinking about the muscles in my legs and the way my body doesn’t walk as heavy as it used to and I feel good about myself. Just like that, I feel a little less self-loathing. I feel more safe.
Self Care tip #1 – Run away before you self destruct. Be a friend to yourself.
Questions: Have you found a safe place? What is keeping your home safe for you? Please tell us your story.
- Putting the Brakes on Emotional Eating (everydayhealth.com)
- Westenra: Diet obsession caused breakdown (entertainment.msn.co.nz)
- Trick Your Palate Into Eating More Veggies (fitsugar.com)
- Foods That Keep You Feeling Full (fitsugar.com)
- Move More Eat Less August 2011 (cathyzielske.typepad.com)
- basics on Weight Management 2011/06/25
- Trusting our Clinician, or Not 2011/05/17
- Self-Care Works You, Pushes You, Tires You Out Until You Are Happily Spent On Your Friend – You 2011/04/25
- Participate – Work as Part of A Team With Your Medical Providers 2011/04/12
- Choosing Connections – Take The Good and Take Care of Yourself 2011/04/04
- Check Your Read. Even When You Feel Shame, Bullied and Herded, You Are Free. 2011/03/26
- Living Where We Feel Safe is Part of Self-Care 2011/03/20
- Afraid of Meds 2010/09/19
- Get in Someone’s Space 2010/09/08
- Run Away Before You Self-Destruct – Keep Yourself Safe 2010/07/25
- Number One Reason For Relapse In Mental Illness 2011/04/07
- So Many Choices, So Little Time …For Self-Care 2011/03/05
- Say, “I Can’t Control This” When You Can’t 2011/01/31
- Emotions: The Physical Gift We Can Name 2011/01/06
- Escape Self-Loathing 2010/10/29
- Loving Me without ambivalence – Perfectionism v. Passive Surrender 2011/05/28
- You Can’t Barter With It. Sleep. 2010/12/03
- Regardless The Reasons Not To, Go Get Your Sleep 2010/11/22
- Choose, Gladly, Using Resources 2010/10/13
- Sleep Hygiene – my version 2010/08/29
- Pay a dollar 2010/07/29