Run Away Before You Self-Destruct – Keep Yourself Safe

Run Away Before You Self-Destruct – Keep Yourself Safe

This is a slight remake from 7/25/10. Hugs to all.


When you feel the pull to do something that isn’t good for you, turn away from it. Do something that you can stand doing at the moment that won’t make you hate yourself now or later.

In the evenings, when the kids are just in bed, the backlash of the day seems to have a few last flicks. Despite the anticipated quiet, my shoulders are tight. Dusk, when the land meets the sky, is when I feel like eating …chocolate specifically.

I purposefully don’t bring it home, except the darkest chocolate sold with over 75% cacao for this very reason. It’s so dark, it’s practically bark.

Home is my safe place and I need to know that it is as safe as possible, even from me. I used to bring treats home that were to be eaten in moderation, but I found that when the monster in me crept out. I’d board myself up in the pantry and polish it off. That would turn me to self-loathing. It was a cycle. I got tired of being my enemy and knowing what was coming next.

Now, I choose to simply go out for my chocolate. I eat what I want when I’m out, when I’m less likely to eat myself into despair. Now, when I’m home, I can pick a different fight rather than fighting the urge to closet eat. Home is a little more safe for me.

Tonight, the kids went to bed ok, but I still took my turn around the fridge and pantry, even though I knew there was nothing, absolutely nothing, I’d want to eat in my house. I am in danger now of developing something of a ritual in this rummage around the kitchen. The good thing is that when I do make the turn, it leads me to the thought of just going to my bike and riding. Tonight, after a 30 minute spin, while watching the last 1/2 of the premi√®re to Glee, I am good again. I’m thinking about the muscles in my legs and the way my body doesn’t walk as heavy as it used to and I feel good about myself. Just like that, I feel a little less self-loathing. I feel more safe.

Self Care tip #1 – Run away before you self destruct. Be a friend to yourself.

Questions: Have you found a safe place? What is keeping your home safe for you? Please tell us your story.

Gathering Friend to Yourself Blog-Post References:
Choosing Safety:
  • basics on Weight Management 2011/06/25
  • Trusting our Clinician, or Not 2011/05/17
  • Self-Care Works You, Pushes You, Tires You Out Until You Are Happily Spent On Your Friend ‚Äď You 2011/04/25
  • Participate ‚Äď Work as Part of A Team With Your Medical Providers 2011/04/12
  • Choosing Connections ‚Äď Take The Good and Take Care of Yourself 2011/04/04
  • Check Your Read. Even When You Feel Shame, Bullied and Herded, You Are Free. 2011/03/26
  • Living Where We Feel Safe is Part of Self-Care 2011/03/20
  • Afraid of Meds 2010/09/19
  • Get in Someone‚Äôs Space 2010/09/08
  • Run Away Before You Self-Destruct ‚Äď Keep Yourself Safe 2010/07/25
  • Number One Reason For Relapse In Mental Illness 2011/04/07
  • So Many Choices, So Little Time ‚ĶFor Self-Care 2011/03/05
  • Say, ‚ÄúI Can‚Äôt Control This‚ÄĚ When You Can‚Äôt 2011/01/31
  • Emotions: The Physical Gift We Can Name 2011/01/06
  • Escape Self-Loathing 2010/10/29
Breaking Negative Cycles:
  • Loving Me without ambivalence ‚Äď Perfectionism v. Passive Surrender 2011/05/28
  • You Can‚Äôt Barter With It. Sleep. 2010/12/03
  • Regardless The Reasons Not To, Go Get Your Sleep 2010/11/22
  • Choose, Gladly, Using Resources 2010/10/13
  • Sleep Hygiene ‚Äď my version 2010/08/29
  • Pay a dollar 2010/07/29

basics on Weight Management

A tipped cow. Taken near the Cliffs of Moher i...


A day or two ago we talked about life-ers. ¬†You and I gave our own. ¬†Whatever yours is, you are not alone. ¬†We share that being a friend to ourself means embracing our flaws, going towards our flaws and letting the shame dissipate in our familiar presence. ¬†Weather it’s cigarettes, weight, yelling or cow-tipping, resisting our instinct to hide it, to ignore it and deny it brings us into a place of friendship and connection.

In all my blah-blah’s, sometimes people just want me to get down to the specifics. ¬†I’ve never found those to be too exciting for me personally, but they do help when afraid.

Today I’m going to hit weight management up. ¬†When hope seems to be leached out by failures, these are my efforts that keep me connected to my journey. ¬†I eventually always go back to these.

Three Things That Have Long Term Influence on Weight Management:

1.  log your food.  For example, or are both wonderful sites that will help with this free, including apps for our smartphone.

2. ¬†weigh yourself every day. ¬†Just weighing in has long-term benefits. ¬†Sweet. ¬†Improves presence with our bodies, awareness, goes towards shame, etc…

3.  compete/support network

4. ¬†the rest of it. ¬†This is for all the other stuff that is critical on many levels. ¬†However, only the three things I’ve mentioned have been shown to have long-term effects.

I know. ¬†Where are my references? ¬†This is my blog, so me. ¬†But there are references if you like. ¬†I don’t have time to pick them off of my under-table unfortunately. ¬†Hope that doesn’t keep you from participating with us.

Self-Care Tip – Know where to go when you feel afraid – towards it and not away.

What Is Your Life-er?

Cover of The Cowardly Lion of Oz.

Image via Wikipedia

I’ve been doing my usual struggle with lifestyle, health, weight and image maintenance. ¬†It’s one of my life-ers.

There are some things we will courageously and sometimes cowardly maintain our fight with.  These are our life-ers.  We will have it on our docket every day.  There are times when this will blow us away with frustration, hopelessness and feelings of impotence.  Other times we will see it more calmly for what it is.  It is.  No more or less.

It’s helpful to say these things out loud. ¬†That way when we wake up and see the life-er there, or catch a¬†reprieve¬†with distraction, or work like a mad-dog to get friendly with ourselves despite it all and find that that doesn’t take these life-ers away, we will maintain hope. ¬†We will see these life-ers, although part of us, don’t define us. ¬†We will own them and weave them into our friendship with ourselves – flawed and perfect selves.

What is your life-er?

Self-Care Tip – Knowing what your life-er is, is part of being a friend to yourself.

Get Access to Information – Get a SmartPhone


Fast Company magazine cover: April 2010

Image by karen horton via Flickr


I read an inspiring blog today on SparkPeople titled, “Could Staying on Track be Addictive?”

SparkPeople is a great site that does what any other lifestyle change/weight loss website does and probably more – free! ¬†I can’t say enough good things about it. ¬†It’s one of those things that has given¬†comparably¬†to what it has taken. ¬†I’m not crystal clear on this, but I think they profit from advertising and publications (The Spark.)

I appreciate the practicality of the phone app especially, which allows us to real-time journal our food. ¬†We often can’t change our lifestyle if we don’t food-journal for at least a week or two to get an honest grip on things. ¬†This ties our journal immediately into our member site and all its other benefits. ¬†That is one reason that I like this food-journal phone app better than others. ¬†It has continuity.

How much do many of us spend on weight loss efforts? ¬†Let’s say we simply subscribe to a different on-line weight-loss program such as e-diets. ¬†This plan starts out at $17.96 for 1 month. The cost of a smart phone runs roughly around $100. ¬†The monthly cost for the internet access runs around $30/month more than a plan with just telephone service. ¬†It’s a fair bargain to get a smart phone with internet access just for the apps in my opinion. ¬†We get so much more quality of life from access to information. ¬†SparkPeople is just one of a huge number of potential options on our side. ¬†If affordable in our budgets, it is a friendly thing to have in hand.

Soon I’m going to write more about the idea referred to above, that staying on track can be addictive in a good way. ¬†I liked her blog. ¬†I like SparkPeople. ¬†Having a smart phone helps me be friendly with myself.

Self Care Tip #69 РThink about getting a smart phone.  Be a friend to yourself.

Question:  Has easier access to information helped you take care of yourself?  How?  If not, why?  Please tell me your story.