I Am A Poster Child For Sinners

IMG_4706 Leather pants

I am a poster child for sinners.

Sitting with a respected mentor, a leader of women in medicine, I couldn’t stop myself as usual from playing with the ideas of being a friend to yourself.  She caught on quick with where I was going and I felt wishes winging in.

I wished I could have practiced with her, have had her for a peer, a voice in the room that gets me, a mind that might even have resonated and crescendoed the healing process that comes from being a friend to Me.

Oh that guy is as stiff as they come!  She knew.

He always made me feel like I was a poster child for sinners.  …And I knew I loved her.  It wasn’t just me.

Sometimes, remembering that “it’s not just me” seems like reciting folklore.  The longer that Time clutters up between real encounters with like-minded folk, the more magical the thoughts brew of being chosen to suffer, I am alone and I am special for what hurts me.   However, perhaps a good this or that can come out of even things such as these (insert, “human connection.”)  Is that so much to ask?  Do I really have to sacrifice a chicken on a full moon over whitened unicorn bones to make it happen?

In becoming a Friend to Yourself, we know there are many times when living with not much more than our better choices for company is almost more than that stringy thin young muscle of self-care can sustain.  But know this.  Just when you think you might collapse, the Truth that “you are not alone” will wing in.  More than a wish or a perception of reality, “you are not alone” is Truth.  Something great comes to us, like,

I am a poster child for sinners.  

Stigma comes from ignorance after all and in being a friend to Me, well, our community has undeveloped awareness about it.  Some who don’t know that everything starts and ends with Me feel threatened, angry and even verbally aggressive toward us.  But, just when we think that the whole world is touched with ignorance and cruel responses except for Me, we find Thee.  (Yet another variation on the  quote by a Yorkshireman –  “Everyone in the world is quite mad, except for me and thee.  And sometimes I have my doubts about thee.”.)  Me finds Thee, just in time.

Suddenly we see ourselves for the stud-muffins that we are, courageous and in company.  Leather pants may be included if you like.

Self-Care Tip – Remember the Truth – you are not alone, even in being a friend to yourself.  Keep on.

Questions:  How’s your company these days?  Do people ever treat you like you are a wrong-doer for loving yourself?  How does that go over?  Please tell us your story.

12 thoughts on “I Am A Poster Child For Sinners

  1. Trying to care for myself by getting out of a bridge group, of all things. I’m pretty sure that they won’t think I’m a wrong-doer for loving myself but, probably not so strangely enough, I feel like I’m a wrong-doer. My leaving them means they have to find one more sub when they play and I know how hard it’s been when others have left. The guilt is really bothering me – but I have to believe that loving myself is more important. Now to deal with the guilt….

  2. As a caregiver, I have to put myself first for caring for myself. And as women you are expected to give more than men, because they don’t expect anything from men. Sadly that’s not fair. I care too much and I want the best, but not everyone is like me. So now I need to take care of myself because I have burned out from caring too much.

  3. Soon after one dives in to the caregiver role, as a mental health practitioner, one finds the thin line between the “me” and “thee” is really just a tug rope. They tug on my heartstrings when they call at midnight for just “one quick question”. And yes, I end up as the “wrong-doer” when I don’t respond until their next session. How do we effectively teach “everything starts and ends with me” when they are so vulnerable and broken?

    • karen, your question really got to me. u r a much more experienced contender w such questions than i although i can relate in my own way. my professional self isn’t expert either and both selves wonder how u would answer this question u posed. i’d luv to hear what u have to say? please :)?

      • Sana, thank you for the compliment, however, I am just an “embryo” in this field and still learning, will always be! (MFT Trainee). I really like to work with awareness, acceptance, choice, and change. And somewhere in that process I try to find that “sweet” spot of strength in a client when they can accept their circumstances AND still make the choice to heal and be free. I don’t know, sometimes it’s a look, a sigh, a curve of their lip, whatever, I use intuition and run with it! I don’t know if I gave credit to what goes on in my head, but it’s the best answer I’ve got! How about you?

        • seriously tough work. intuition is much like what we talk about in “temperaments” – going w what our genes tell us leads to more success. i like it.
          w me, as far as being a caregiver – it’s the mom-role i’m in. getting better for sure as the kids age. my D is just getting into books, really into them where she can read for a couple hours at a time and it almost brings tears to my eyes! i’m so happy for her and am looking forward to a coffee shop date when we can parallel read and i she’s entertained the whole time w/o me doing a dance – 🙂 big smile.

  4. We must learn to be good to ourselves to be good to others…kinda’ like charity starts at home. You’re right we are never alone; once we realize that we are on the road to healing and living fulfilled lives.

  5. This post really struck a chord with me. I have always found it difficult to surround myself with like minded people. I have been blessed, however, with finding a handful. These are my mentors, my friends and true support system. Since finding these people. I no longer feel guilty for taking care of me. Taking care of me makes me better equipped to care for those that I love within my life. I try my best to feed the “me” side more often and at times, the guilt creeps back in and on those days, more often than not, I am met with encouragement from friends. Finally, I have also found that stating what you want and need from others makes it easier for them to support you and they seem more willing to do so because they are now aware of what you need. Taking care of yourself is work. Letting others know its a priority helps!

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