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Self-Care Workshop Notes, by An Attendee

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We have been meeting Thursdays, as you know, for our workshop.  Every meeting takes me by surprise by how well it goes, which may be a bad sign but that’s just how my nerves go – setting me up for some denuding catastrophe.  I don’t think Billy Graham or Martin Luther King had that problem.  Even so, pressing forward, I and the rest of the group have done the hard work to get ourselves there – and the inherent energy and brilliance natural to being good to oneself did the rest.

One of the attendees spoke for a couple minutes and I thought you might want to know what her prompt notes looked like.  This woman is one of the courageous.  She has been victimized horribly but she is not a victim.  She has chosen freedom.

I WAS ASKED WHAT IT MEANS TO ME TO BE A FRIEND TO MYSELF

  • Had no idea 
  • hadn’t thought about changes made in my life as if in doing them I was “being a friend to myself”
  • Only have learned what I need to do to stay emotionally healthy and balanced
  • Some of these things cannot be compromised and yes, I do catch flak occasionally, but as I stand my ground it becomes less frequent
  1. Friday group with friends
  2. Aftercare group once a month
  3. Meds (acceptance, cooperation with dr)
  4. Saying “No”
  5. Responsible for only me
  6. Reaching out (for myself and for others)/ Connecting
  7. Recognizing when I need help
  8. Faith (new)
  9. Setting boundaries
  10. Therapy as necessary

Starts and Ends with Me

  1. Don’t give power over myself to anyone else
  2. Always have a choice, yes or no, but consequences go along with each choice

Awareness of situations and circumstances that are unfriendly to me

  1. Drama: the friendly action => minimize exposure
  2. Confrontation:  When it came to Tall Poppies, I wanted to rip out at roots and crush into ground; 
    1. can’t allow myself to get to that point; 
    2. wait until not angry or just let it go; 
    3. use insight to figure out other person’s angle or underlying issue

My employment:

  • loved it
  • my identity
  • first priority in life
  • many years of discussions about it killing me and need to give it up but wouldn’t at any cost
  • after truck crash, priorities changed
  • few more years passed and realized time to give it up
  • still miss it very much but cost to my overall well-being is too high
Questions:  Since becoming a better friend to yourself, what has changed in your life?  What does it mean to be your own friend?  Please tell us your story.
Self-Care Tip:  Take inventory on what you have done for yourself differently when you were being friendly.  

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8 thoughts on “Self-Care Workshop Notes, by An Attendee”

  1. Life does not push back as hard as it used to. My bank is getting larger. Good things seem to seek me more often.

    Thanks Dr. Q.

    Reply

  2. I have learned a lot about being my own friend. I have learned the necessity of it, and how it makes me more able to handle my own job demands, and the client situations around it. I take rocks with me when I leave my apartment to go to work, or where ever I go so that when I feel like I need a tangible reminder to keep me ground in the present, and in the moment I have them with me.

    Reply

      • Thanks for including me in the discussion, I seem to have this opinion that they way we learn, and behave does not change much from when we were children. They just become more sophisticated, and complex. And then we return to child types of behaviors when we get close to the end of our life. Maybe instead of carrying around electronics, I may be satisfying my sensory and tactile needs more simply.

        Reply

  3. I’ve loved these workshops and am looking forward to the wrap-up but wishing we had more workshops to go. I thought I knew a lot about being a friend to myself. I’ve learned more sharing with those who attended these sessions. And thank you for the post. You did a great job of “reporting”.

    I still have a problem, though. Along with mental health issues, I have several physical health issues. To take care of Me, I really should be doing things like aquatic therapy three times a week or seeing a doctor more frequently or spending the money on meds that I need, but we are retired and on Medicare. When we are in CA we are vacationing (if that’s what you call getting away from home when you’re retired). Spending time and money on taking care of Me means less time and money for the “us” that is so important to both me and my husband, especially out here. How do others handle this? Does anyone else feel guilty about what they may be taking away from their loved ones in taking care of Me? I totally agree that I am better – and much better to and for my family and friends – now that I know how to take care of Me, but I don’t know how to balance what I need with what we need. Am I making sense? Or how do I make it make sense?

    Reply

    • I’m glad you spoke about this nance. we all are confused by the work we put into understanding behaviors and emotions as coming from the brain with how easily they foil us and slide into the social and psychological selves that seem so naturally outside of our human body. the biopsychosocial model goes straight to this showing us how naturally the space between one part and another place converge. How’s it’s going these days with this? Keep on.

      Reply

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