Question: What have you been up to?
Did you notice? In this picture, the patient became the psychiatrist.
Question: Have you ever felt like your psychotherapist or psychiatrist blurred their boundaries with you? Have you ever struggled with your own boundaries with him or her? Please tell us your story.
Self-Care Tip: Enjoy your boundaries and let them lie.
- Ten Reasons to Leave Your Psychiatrist (awaywithwordsblog.com)
- Three Common Misconceptions About Psychiatry (getholistichealth.com)
- Psychiatrist vs. Psychologist vs. Counselor – What’s the Difference? (prairiewellness.wordpress.com)
Sweaty, well-worn, in bike-ware, she was eating comfortably with her friend. I kept trying not to stare and just had to fight it! I wanted to imprint her shiny wrinkled yet blooming geriatric status and break down what I saw into categories of self-care moves to grow old by. She looked really good.
I managed to finish eating at, (Oh my word! Yum! My new binge and bolt location,) Zinc Cafe, without ruining her appetite with a big hug and smooch from crazy-staring-stranger, me. I almost congratulated myself, it was so hard not to do. Nevertheless, when walking out I did stop and tell her she was beautiful and that I wanted to grow up to be her. She bloomed even more, right there and then. It was swell. Good food. Good role-model to remember.
We think it is our best years that people will identify us by. But they do not just do that. They think of us as how we are now too. More importantly is how we think of ourselves – of Me.
It is different for everyone. Why we want to be here. Understanding why, is a universal interest. It is the other side of value in the aging process.
My parents are getting old. I am. My patients and their parents are getting old. We are dying.
My dad is old. He just turned seventy-nine. He is not wearing bike shorts. He is not a blooming geriatric. But I value him and saying why, well, I realize starts with “Me.” It is not because of him thirty years ago. It is about his life these last thirty years. It is about his Me, now.
The present does not prove nor negate the past. Our value is more than that.
Sometimes I visit community practitioners. Please visualize that all of this is in the middle of their busy clinic day, racing between exam rooms to meet patient needs. I am standing at a nurses station perhaps, dressed in something über professional, (to hide the gypsy in me as well as I can. But if it were you, you would not be fooled by the cut of my lapel!) I catch the eye of the clinician and receive a strained smile, almost hearing her say, “Come on! I’m dying here! I have three patients waiting!” But generally they do not actually say it, generally. And sometimes, they are snagged by the magic of connection, take my elbow and draw me away into a private space where they can share their story. In a matter of moments.
We are skilled at shaving moments here and there. Skilled at putting as few words into a fat minute that can convey the large concept needed just Now! We learn this over brow-beating years of managed care medical practice, personal choices, convoluted expectations and need to please – self, other, insurance or what not. When clinicians share stories, we do it like we are late catching the train to heaven.
From these visits, I get more to my quality of practice. I get known, and get to know. Awesome. It is a newer part of my “work,” that I have been doing this, and I am loving it. I meet the people who are the other side of our patient’s treatment team. I meet people who are both human and medical clinicians. Realness surrounds them. Life stories come from them. In a fat minute I hear about their past, gain some understanding of their present and from that, I am given much. One physician told me of his beloved daughter who suicided, another of her husband’s chronic brain illness and how their family struggles. I shared how my young cousin hung himself and that part of me who is groping toward that space and time before he died.
To know who we are despite our changing emotions and behaviors, our changing identities, improves our understanding of life value. Somehow, Dad has known that, without bike shorts. He continues to mentor me in that. I do not know about the beautiful geriatric at breakfast, but who is to say she does not know her value? Not Me. But I am going to explore my own, for my sake. I am getting old.
Self-Care Tip: Look and look some more for why you are valuable.
Questions: What is valuable about you, even though you have lost so much in life? Why are you still alive? Please tell us your story.
- A happy patient is well connected to a doctor (eurekalert.org)
- The Doctor/Patient Relationship Comes First, Last, And Alway (psychologytoday.com)
- Patient-Doctor Relationship
- Book Review by Robyn Gabe Awareness of Dying by Barney Glaser and Anselm Strauss (robynfgabe.wordpress.com)
- What if you didn’t have to find out you’re dying to truly live? (theawarenessrevolution.wordpress.com)
Maureen McFadden, a two time Emmy Award winning journalist, at WNDU. In November 2007, she documented a winning medical series called Rewiring the Brain.
I am sharing my response to Ms. McFadden with you, my friends, colleagues, and community, because I choose you for company. Thank you for that.
Hello Ms. McFadden,Thank you so much for your work increasing community awareness of ECT and diminishing social stigma. Thank you for having a life-work, such as this, for obtaining a powerful voice that people want to listen to, and doing what you have done to get attention. Your influence, hard-earned, is collateral and that you spent it “here” is huge. I am so grateful.I am a psychiatrist. It is difficult for me to work with these, community awareness and social stigma. I am not special in this difficulty experience, of course, and I know that the bummer feeling that I am “alone” in it is a distortion. Thank you for your company and illuminating presence. Keep on.Sana Johnson-Quijada MD
- Removing Potential Barriers to Mental Health Care: Social Stigma and Insurance (mspp.edu)
- Present stimulation (searchedafterfoundeverywhere.wordpress.com)
- Why Electroconvulsive Therapy Is More Popular Than Ever (businessinsider.com)
A friend of mine told me the other day,
Mentally I went to a bad place during exercise on Tuesday. Like “I’m so slow, I want to go home, the other girls probably think bad things about me”. In my head space now I see those thoughts as ridiculous. But it was tough to get through.
Excuse me but she is brilliant. She speaks for millions.
So many times we think about the rough out there. The words that slow our swing down, that are not said right, that somehow take away points from our identity. We are not a two-dimensional scorecard. Speaking up does not qualify us. Good or bad. Speaking up does not change our value.
I loved her voice. I am thinking she should start up her own blog. If she can be this transparent on a blog, she is a needed voice.
If I could fantasize a little, (Now! Now! Stop that,) I would have her and you go back to our own, here at friendtoyourself.com, and start methodically answering each self-care question, post by post, in your own authentic way. And just you see what a stroke speaking up makes. Just see what it does for you inside and out. Just see what it does for others. …Me for example. See? I am affected by you.
As for my transparency, in brief, …I did not survive halloween. I ate like a motor. Chocolate. Chocolate and more chocolate.
Otherwise. I think this greens-and-beans-effort I am doing has been ok. I am eating a lot of plants. Trying to keep the simple carbs low. Not always the fact but the goal. I do still eat in volume which I will see if it makes a difference or not when it is this type of volume. All that fiber is making a difference to my gut though! my abdomen is distended! TMI.
A couple posts ago we shared Jessica’s, “Do This.” My question is, what is yours? What is your, “Do This?” Please do not make me use any more golf analogies, but where are your …words? Your words are important for you. They bring friendship to you from you. They bring you to connection, community, clarity of thought, and as said in a post long ago:
“And if we stop speaking, we will lose. If we do not respect the opportunity to connect, if we do not treat it as the treasure that it is, not only will the world miss out on the ‘Me,’ we miss out on the world at large. It goes both ways.
We have a choice. Get friendly with yourself. Speak. Listen. Connect.
Self-Care Tip – Stay connected for your sake and for theirs.”
Question: What has speaking up done for your friendship with yourself? How are your words kinder said than not? Please tell your story.
- Safety in Connections With Others 2011/06/12
- Demanding Freedom and Other Oxymorons That Empower Our Self-Care 2011/07/11
- Connection: It’s Medical But Still Magical 2011/01/15
- Kaia Girl Testimonial: Erin U. (kaiafitsacramento.com)
- Kaia Quiz! (kaiafitsacramento.com)
- Perfect? (muckcreekkennels.wordpress.com)
- Kaia Girl Update: Jama M. (kaiafitsacramento.com)
- Deal (therunawaymama.com)
The ocean is like an untended cemetery, compared to my youth dives, with shoots of life breaking up the stone and dead coral. A little family of forceps butterfly fish flutter around the tips of something brown. I honk sounds through the water to my kids when I spy a trumpet fish, a big one, with some neon lighting up the gray long body. My kids are so energized.
There are three turtles and I remember I have never swum with turtles before. “Hey. That’s cool,” I think. I try to reconcile the turtles with the changes from when I snorkeled and dove reefs years ago, “Positive? Negative?” Something there in me wants to feed this info through my inner hope-machine to convince my other that when my kids swim another future day, the ocean will not be dead. Foreboding.
I am starting to get disoriented by this and surface to get a grip. My husband pops up and I whisper to him, so our kids do not overhear and lose their energy to my negativity, “It’s like a tomb, Honey! I can hardly stand it!” And like a compass, he points to a better direction. “It’s fine, Sana. It is what it is.” Interpretation can distort experience.
Thanks to husband and the reconnection of interpretation with presence, under water, I see this moment, this day, in the parrot fish, the coronets, and the puffers. And I, with more gravity, am able to enjoy what Love is giving now. A solemn gift. More informed, my appreciation is deeper and I can receive.
Receiving Love is not as easy as it sounds. It is the work of a moment. It is the work of a lifetime. I am a spoiler, unable to love myself, unless I am able to receive Love from outside of myself and connect with it, in my pathway of Me-to-Me.
I am just starting to get this and am eager to understand and own more, because, this has been amazing. This is something like how it goes so far; tense up, maybe angry Me, (reason or no reason,) pause, look, pray for it, pause, acknowledge, let it do its thing on Me. Start over. Again. Again.
In we who suffer brain illness, we who suffer cancer, we who are in the dying stage of life, in we who, we, we are in the right place to do this. This is just where we need to be to receive Love.
Illness does not keep us from the ability to receive Love. Poverty does not. Dead coral and loss do not. Nothing can.
Everything can be used by Love to communicate to us. Illness can. Poverty, dying, loss can. Anything can be used to bring into our circle of Me-to-Me, Love. Love is now.
I am glad, in age, that I am increasingly aware of the changeability inherent in everything, everything, positive, negative, everything. This is one more way I am able to receive Love. Age.
Being able to receive Love requires the process of changing. It is not stagnant, stationary, unaging. As far as we are able to understand, it is not. We are creatures of dimension, creatures of space and time and until we are further created to receive otherwise, this is.
Question: how do you increase your reception of Love? How do you receive Love? How does this affect your friendship with yourself. Please tell us your story.
Self-Care Tip: Increase your Love-reception.
- Receive When a Gift is Offered 2011/01/07 (FriendtoYourself.com)
- Stop! Before Hurting Yourself or Others 2011/02/25 (FriendtoYourself.com)
- Me! Where Emotions and Behaviors Come From 2011/05/25 (FriendtoYourself.com)
- How to Receive Love. (elephantjournal.com)
- The Essence of Love!!! (lovedynamix.wordpress.com)
- Nurturing: cultivating your gift to give (and receive) love (firefliesofhope.typepad.com)
- Accepting Love (thehealingroominsights.wordpress.com)
- Receive My Love (taraleighlovesyou.com)
- No One is Born to Hate (thinktalkspeak.co.uk)
- How do you receive love when you don’t know who truly loves you? (teachmehowtotrust.wordpress.com)