Guest Blogger: Dogtor Timothy Q.
For some time “The Queen”, as we like to refer to her, has asked me to help out with her fine blog. Technically, she may have never asked directly. However, I think “Stay in the gosh darn yard before I go bazookas” could be translated into our language as “Please write my blog for me”. I would like to begin by introducing myself. My name is Timothy and I am a dog that lives in a magical floating house that is at the top of the bottom of a hill. (This confuses me, also. I just go with what I am told.) As you may have guessed… Our Queen is none other than the very “I’m gifted”, “I’m talented”, and “shucks I am so fat” … Dr. Q. This description is not my own, but rather, what she repeats each morning as she looks into the mirror before chasing the fine young prince and princesses around the house as the one we like to call “The Knight” pets us and escapes.
I have worked on this for the last month. Not because I have a lack of things I would like to say, but because paws and keyboards do not go well together. This is just one of the many discriminations that we as dogs face. I am proud to say that, rather than make excuses or bark endlessly about my problems (I tried that once and endured something called mad neighbor with a water hose), I have learned to use my nose. My tongue worked better but seemed to create issues with the computer.
I grew up with all the comforts a Labradoodle could hope for… Gourmet meals, attendants, a plush customized mini van, grooming at the finest spas. Yet, I have always felt like I have missed something. Recently, I discovered a loose patch of grass right next to the fence. The sign could have been no clearer. It said to me, “Dig!, Dig!, Dig!… your time to explore the world has come”. That is just what I did.
I have made many friends during my adventures through the neighborhood. I have also learned that there are many out there that will lead you astray. Being a stray is not a bad thing and can happen to the best of dogs. I have quite a few friends that fit into this classification, even. Many dogs are born stray, such as the ones they call coyotes. As my grandfather once told me, Labradoodle translates into “Feared by every single coyote that has ever even come close to us”. With this in mind, I reached out a paw to the yotes and found out that they’re not so bad. We have a lot in common… We all dislike cats and agree that they do taste a lot like chicken. Trust me… after hitching a ride on a banana truck back from Tijuana, I will never ever listen to a cat as long as I live.
Interestingly, people seem to let their guard down when they think that it’s just us dogs watching. Aside from enduring the occasional really bad rendition of Barbra Streisand, we pick up some pretty interesting information. Gets kind of complicated sometimes. Too much of this, not enough of that, need to change,blah, blah, blah, blah, woof. Believe it or not…. most of the stuff we see and hear as dogs doesn’t change what we have for people that feed us and pet us…. unconditional love.
How has your dog been rewarded today? What bad things have cats done to you? Do you know any sweet young female dogs (censorship!) that are looking for a good time? How does your dog see you and do you really have to dance while you sing the same gosh darn song every single morning?
- Lost But Now Found (friendtoyourself.com)