Self-Care and Joy: How You Can Use What You Love to love Yourself
Guest Post By Michele Rosenthal
Like any other commitment, self-care can become a chore. Whenever we force ourselves to do something the fun factor flies out the window. Yet, self-care should be one thing on our schedules that feels good! How can we turn a commitment into a pleasure? I think the key is committing to something that brings you joy. Let me explain…
Six years ago, at the age of thirty-seven, I was diagnosed with advanced osteoporosis. Putting it bluntly, my endocrinologist explained, “If you don’t immediately commit to a regimen of strength training, your bones will begin to crumble spontaneously.” You can imagine my following crash course in self-care.
Up until that point I had never thought about what I do to take care of myself. I had worked out, or not, when the spirit moved me. I meditated or not when I felt the desire for that kind of inner connection. My self-care was based on whim, not necessity.
So there I was facing the spontaneous crumbling of my bones and needing to commit to a regimen not only of strength training, but of a level of self-care I’d never previously entertained. Suddenly, self-care wasn’t some amorphous idea but an action that pertained to my very ability to walk upright. Suddenly, self-care had a purpose.
Making the commitment to self-care isn’t easy. Mood, other activities and time constraints can make it difficult to follow through. Fear, however, is a great motivator. Terrified that my bones would crumble I committed to self-care with the ferocity of a hurricane. I didn’t enjoy it but I did it. Within two years I completely reversed the osteoporosis. Since then I’ve stuck to my workout regime without a hitch.
When motivated by fear, sticking to a self-care schedule becomes incredibly easy. The problem comes when we don’t have that instant inspiration. When self-care offers purely emotional or spiritual benefits we’re much more likely to forgo the commitment altogether. Unless, I’ve discovered, the commitment centers around something fun.
Not long after the osteoporosis diagnosis I fell into a very deep depression. As a trauma survivor, years of trying to outrun the past finally caught up with me; I needed to do some intense emotional work. The arduous process left me feeling powerless and overwhelmed. I needed to commit to emotional self-care at a time I didn’t feel capable of committing to anything except the black hole in which I lived.
One day, as I was marveling at just how black the hole actually was, a thought occurred to me. What I really needed was to do something that would help me get in touch with the part of myself that could feel joy. What I really needed, I mused, was a way to feel something outside of the despair in which I lived. There was only one thing I thought might help me do that: dance. Throughout my life dance had always offered me a transcendent feeling of release. I decided to dance. A lot. I signed up for a dance class every single day of the week.
At first it was just sheer will that got me to class, but then a funny thing happened: After each class I felt so much better that I began looking forward to the classes. I began to look forward to the time I set aside for my self-care each day. Having fun elevated self-care from chore to respite.
The benefits were astounding. The more I danced the more I began to feel a sense of balance between the dark and light in my mind, the more I connected to the possibility of feeling better, the more I connected to myself during a time that it was much more comfortable to disconnect. Ultimately, that feeling of joy filled me with the courage I needed to do the post-trauma recovery work that had to be done.
That was all years ago. I finished the recovery work and brought myself to a place of freedom and peace. Al that dancing turned me into a really terrific dancer, too. Today, I still incorporate dance into my schedule 2-3 times a week as that connection to joy and fun fuels my creativity, bolsters my energy and connects me to a community I enjoy.
The biggest lesson I learned in all of this was how important the fun factor is in self-care. Now, any time I wish to develop some aspect of my self-care, I ask myself, “How can I make this fun?” By ensuring some form of enjoyment I strengthen my emotional buy-in to the commitment. You can do this, too. We don’t often think about how we can turn tasks into pleasurable experiences, but shifting our approach in this way can make all the difference between defaulting versus following through on a self-care regime.
Self-Care Tip – Use what you love to love yourself.
Question: How do you get the fun factor into being your own friend? When being friendly to yourself isn’t what feels like a good time, how do you use what you love to improve your experience? Please tell us your story.
Michele Rosenthal is a certified professional coach and the host of Your Life After Trauma on Seaview Radio. Her post-trauma recovery memoir, Before the World Intruded: Conquering the Past and Creating the Future, will be released in 2012. To connect with Michele, visit www.yourlifeaftertrauma.com.
- Joy is what I want! (joelhalldancecenter.wordpress.com)
- When Self-Care Gives Pleasure, You Will Be Friendlier To Yourself 2010/12/09
- Something Decadently Enticing 2010/09/07
- This is Me (passthedoucheys.com)
- Joy, Joy, Joy! (eliseonlife.wordpress.com)
- Let Go of the Emotions~ (beofgoodhealth.wordpress.com)
- A Season of Blessings (Not Stressing) (themogulmom.com)
Severe depression makes everything a chore. Even having fun let alone physical therapy that is also needed. If we can just get started we’ve got it 90% licked. Some of the therapies needed by friends I could never envision as fun. But getting the routine done at least validates and fortifies us by giving ourselves a sense of will. Not helpless. A defiance. But don’t get me wrong. I think what you share here is very valuable constructive advice. We must be proactive in designing a way to get through what we must do as you have done. Embracing the paradigm of self care is a beginning. Adding music can bring some fun in to it too. One friend does therapy workouts in a group when she can and they tease each other and joke and that makes her laugh and have fun.
defiance – yes! thx for the reflections carl
I agree, Carl, severe depression makes everything a chore. There were days I really did NOT want to dance, but I made myself go to class anyway and was always so glad I did. Beginnings always, er, begin with the smallest step: making the choice. Being proactive is the key!
Hi Michelle, Wonderful article. I too was diagnosed with a bone problem: Ospteopenia. I started taking D3 and within three years my bones became strong and healthy. I was also dealing with depression and like you I found that dancing lifted my spirit. So I joined a local Zumba class and boy what fun that is! Most of the ladies are above 40 and know how to laugh at themselves. It’s great fun and I’m making new friends. It’s so easy to love yourself when it’s fun.
hello elizabeth. i’ve heard great things about zumba. u r such a courageous woman. thank u for sharing this bit of your story w us. keep on.
Hi, Elizabeth! So glad your bones are strengthening — they do respond to treatment so they’re forgiving. Zumba is terrific fun, I love it, too. Mostly, I love the joy in everyone in a dance class so the feeling transcends my own internal space and engulfs the entire room to build a joyful community. Dance classes for everyone!
Thank you for sharing this, Michelle, keep on dancing 🙂
thx cin. we r blessed to share space w michelle.
Thanks, Cindy. I think when each of us finds something that makes us feel joyful it adds a life-affirming and powerful feeling to any moment.
I take care of myself by not overcommitting. I have been invited to be part of a church music group. As much as I love to sing, right now it is overwhelming to commit to a practice on a regular basis. Until my work environment become less stressful can I expand my extracurricular activities. I would really like to reduce my stress at work. it may happen in the next year and that would be fabulous. Otherwise, I am looking at trying to get out of my current job within the next four years, get the full benefits of the time I have put in and do something more creative/flexible. It also helps that I took this week off of work 🙂 Merry Christmas!
exciting patty. luv the peep hole. keep on.
Not overcommitting is soooo important, Patty! And it’s so easy NOT to do. Kudos to you for being so present to know to watch out for that and balance accordingly. Here’s to a balanced 2012!
It’s cheering to read this inspirational story of hope from self-help, Michele – I recently saw a doco on the dancing man of Byron Bay on how he has saved himself, in a different way, through dance as well
blue! luv hearing from u. thank u for being w us.
too cool re: byron. keep on.
I’ve never heard of Byron Bay, thanks for the reference, I’m going to look him up!
You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find
this topic to be actually something which I think I would never understand.
It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me.
I am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!
good to hear from you. thank you for commenting.
Pingback: Best Tweets in Mental Health (wk of 12/19/2011) - SocialWork.Career