Lyft rides are blowing my mind. They’re becoming the stage for some of the best dialogue of my day. Really cool people driving these rides. 

Today’s post is a bit of a hodgepodge, as conversations usually are.

My driver, call him Brandon, was a 20-something married man, who considers starting a family. We talked about using these days, before kids come to push push, to grow. Because life trajectory changes to a perpendicular when kids come and that life trajectory you are on for the many years before they come will be gone gone. Growing “now” is a privilege that changes shape after kids. 

Also start each day having a worship with your spouse before even getting out of bed. Make that a habit that will cross over, in part because it is routine. The behavior has pressed into your basal ganglia and is now automatic. Then it won’t take energy when energy has become such a guarded commodity. It can save your marriage. Parenting inevitably changes your togetherness-flow, your common ground. What was once likable about you from your “other life,” diminishes by the force of where all our energy bank ends up getting spent on. As we age out, we have to keep working on having shared experiences and interests. Kids are a distillation to what we have in common and hones our energies toward their needs. The interests of the partner can rank down. It’s not rejection. It’s accounting. Be proactive about maintaining intimacy and connection with your partner.

Brandon then shot in the dark with his next question; “What happens after you die”? This is such a wonderful topic. I go to the Bible. And without getting into a Bible-verse-battle, I’ll just give the big picture and we can do a study any time any of you like. It is a topic of huge hope and super calming. 

When we die, we sleep. Our spirit, or breath or soul as it is called, goes back to God who gave it to us and He holds it while we sleep. Then when Jesus returns, he wakes us up and everyone who is asleep in Him will greet him along with everyone who is still alive, together. There is nothing that we are doing in between death and God’s coming other than sleep. God’s character is so loving. If we were going straight to heaven, it’d be pretty tough watching the immense suffering of all our loved ones on earth that is still going on. That’d be a terrible burden. He spares us.

It’s important to note that the beliefs about the afterlife can vary widely among different religions and individuals. My beliefs are not meant to be a disregard of them. I don’t know everything! I really don’t even know a lot, when you look at this by volume. lol! And I know what I do see as truth will morph into a more complete view by God’s grace. There are so many dimensions and paradigms that my basic biology can’t grasp. And isn’t that wonderful. How boring otherwise! Eternity is a long “time” and who wants it if it is an eternity of what I see. Ultimately, beliefs about the afterlife are a deeply personal matter, and it’s up to each individual to explore and come to their own conclusions.

Brandon asked, are you a pastor or something? Laugh. Nope. I’m a psychiatrist. I just am a psychiatrist who reads the Bible. Whoever you are. The Bible helps us walk our walk, together with each other and with God. And the only thing that lasts is love. Nothing else we gather will survive us. But He/She who holds our spirit, holds our love too until we wake up again and we will recognize who we are in relation to each other and to Him/Her. 

Self care Tip: Set up patterns in life that connect you to each other and to God. Keep on!

Question: How do you connect with the people you love when the connection frays?