When we want to take what is good and leave the rest, to keep the best and let the otherwise character pathology pass us by, to make good memories with someone who torches the ground and air they breath, splits families and catastrophizes the little and ignores the big personal flaws – when we actually turn around and say with a fully informed consent, “I want us in each others lives,” make rules.
1. Take care of “Me” (bio-psycho-social)
2. Have walk-away power
3. Nothing violates what you say is impermeable; such as you and your spouse, your nuclear family, your home
4. Consistency combined with as blind a vision as you can bare
5. Take nothing personal
6. Pick your fights carefully
7. Let them save face
8. Set them up for success in your relationship
Each one of these generally takes hard work. Some of it will be natural and easy. A lot of it will be hard.
Setting boundaries for the other person helps them control their chaos and they’ll feel safer with themselves. The boundaries, when clear for a person with character pathology, helps them trust themselves more and subsequently us more.
Again, if these things seem exhausting and insurmountable efforts, it might mean that medically – emotionally and behaviorally …–> Go back to #1. Take care of “Me.”
Self-Care Tip – To connect because you want to even when you’d be advised otherwise, set your rules.
- Give Yourself Over to Connection In Your Good-Bye (friendtoyourself.com)
- Our Patient-Doctor Relationship Improved by Self-Care and Back At You! (friendtoyourself.com)