Self-Care Tip #162 – Know what you are fighting for. Be a friend to yourself.
Bridget told me,
I felt free to do something creative without having to feel guilty about it.
She had read the blog post, “Self-Care is Freedom, is Democracy, is Because We Are Accountable.” I was just starting to think about other good places to go with that but before I got too far she hit me with,
I just hate myself!
Hearing those words is like watching squishy and partly moldy tomatoes hit the wall. It’s messy. It’s dirty. No one’s excited about dealing with it. And, there is something negative that brought it on. Readers, you’ll remember this countertransference when you’re the counsellor in some other situation and think, “Darn that Quijada!”
My thoughts bumped and piled up. Stopped, until they started pulling themselves off of each other. I tried to put these disparate bits of Bridget’s narrative together. And I wasn’t alone.
I don’t get it! Why do I feel this way?
Who doesn’t have conflicting feelings about themselves? Bridget perceived and celebrated her freedom to self-care, yet was betrayed by her own, just when she was reaching for it. Is that ok?
What strikes me about Bridget is her journey. She has struggled with anxiety and depression for many years. I know with me, she’s been in treatment for five of them. During that time, she has been lovely although not perfect. She does her hair, glossy blond in large waves, trim body frame and polite like no one I’ve met. Many medications have failed her and she has taken those failures and claimed her future over again. The intense forward movement of her inner self has never been muted, even when she has had thoughts of wanting to die.
I have learned what she values, what she’s willing to let go of and what she isn’t. Her appearances matter. She is artsy and gets energy from being alone. She loves people. Her marriage is rocky. She struggles with parenting. She loves her husband and her children. Bridget’s journey is a journey of imperfection, beauty and courage.
And here she is again. Conflicted self, ill, hopeful and claiming her future. Bridget is right on her course. I wish I could help more. I wish she wasn’t still ill. But I can at least be as courageous as she is. I can hope with her. I can stand with her or walk. I know that put to the question, Bridget prefers this journey than losing the right, the privilege, to journey at all. Bridget is free. Many of us are not as free as she is, who knows what she is fighting for.
Question: What are you fighting for? If nothing were to ever change for the better in your life, what makes your journey worth it? Please tell me your story.
- Celebrate Your Imperfections (friendtoyourself.com)