Self-Care Tip #281 – Be aware of how your “Stop! Don’t stop!” behavior is interfacing with your agenda.
One of the challenges in practicing medicine is the inevitable “Stop! Don’t stop!” petitions.
Image by Joseph Robertson via Flickr
It’s similar in a few ways to being a shoe cobbler who receives clients that don’t want her to use leather. Ms. Cobbler spends 40-60% of her time with clients persuading them of her capacity to use leather, the objective and subjective evidence behind the use of leather and empowering her clients to wear their leather shoes despite public opinion.
This sounds silly and is not meant to be disrespectful to patients, including myself as a patient of physicians and my own difficulties being a patient. It is only to describe the forces we are all working with when we work together in medical care – physician and patient.
Quenn came in reminding me of this. Quenn was a 32 year-old married mother of three, who complained of trouble swallowing, sleeping and ability to feel pleasure over the past two months. She had struggled with this after her mother died nine years ago, but the problems went away over the following year. However nine years-ago, Quenn was not a mother. Nine years-ago, Quenn could shake, stay in the house with the shades down, silent or crying loudly, not eating lying in bed for days and if she wanted, nine years-ago no one would know. This time however, Quenn told me she was desperate.
I have to get better! This time, I’ll do anything! But please start with something natural. I don’t want to get addicted! I’m someone who never does meds.”
Quenn, why are you seeing me?
This is challenging for everyone. Together, the physician and the patient work with this influence on their agendas.
My brothers and I used to play a game on each other when we were kids. Maybe you did this too.
Stop! No don’t! Stop! No don’t! Stop! Don’t! Stop! Don’t! Stop! Don’t stop! Stop! Don’t! Don’t Stop! Don’t Stop!
And for some reason that was hilarious to us. I like to remember this when I’m in the office and smile despite being played by the “Stop! Don’t stop!” behaviors and emotions.
Questions: How about you? How are the “Stop! Don’t stop!” behaviors and emotions playing on your agendas? Please tell me your story.
Related articles
- Our Patient-Doctor Relationship Improved by Self-Care and Back At You! (friendtoyourself.com)
- Paul Krugman on How to Keep the Doctor-Patient Relationship Sacred: Less Commercialism, More Bureaucratic Oversight (reason.com)
- Re-Humanisation: The Doctor-Patient Relationship (2020health.wordpress.com)
- Prescription meds misuse rampant, deadly: report (cbsnews.com)
- Letters : The Special Doctor-Patient Relationship (nytimes.com)
- Interview of Dr. Dan Siegel about THE MINDFUL THERAPIST(westallen.typepad.com)
Friend to Yourself 
Seems like a balancing act. Key must be to judge the two options rationally, considering consequences and not act on impulse. Unless of course you feel a good hunch or had a dream about it. Either one negates rationality.
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teeter totter
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As kateshrewsday commented yesterday, it is harder exercising self care when you’re a parent. Even staying in bed when one has flu becomes a guilt trip. Best of luck to Quenn.
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monkey on our back
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I think it’s easier to take better care of yourself when you’re a mother. I take much better care of myself now that I’m a mother of two kids. I realized that being a mom is tough enough, why make it harder on yourself by denying yourself the care you need? I’m a much better mom when I can actually focus on moving forward.
I think it is more selfish to deny yourself the care you need because your children will suffer for it. When I decided to tell my 16 year old daughter for the first time that I am on meds, I was so afraid that she would look down on me… not that she ever gave me a reason to think that… but I guess it was my own insecurity. Anyway, she actually seemed to appreciate my efforts to stay balanced and she helps me by reminding me to take them when we travel.
I don’t know what people mean by “natural”, but not medication… so silly to worry about things that aren’t important. If it actually works, doesn’t hurt anyone and is legal, then please take it! lol
Hugs and Blessings! Jasmine Wilmany
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u r just so sweet jasmine. thank uf or your thought-and emotion aware comment
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Sometimes patients forget that doctors don’t have magic wands! We want quick fixes, our way…and then we must come back down to earth and see what is really possible!
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shazam!
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Because I am very sensitive to meds, I get involved in the meds I take. Unlike the average person, I tend to have some of the worse side effects to meds. Don’t take me wrong; I purposely avoid reading about the side effects to prevent feeling predispose to have those side effects. For me is a whole mess getting new meds.
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That must be really tough. 😦
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thank u jasmine for connecting w LV in the comments. that is huge.
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i’ve seen your type before! ;). hugs
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I remember playing that game with a lover, lol. Not the health care system, yet it’s true for so many. They want alternative medicine and I wish alternative medicine had the clinical trials AMA medicine does. It can be so dangerous and/or scammy.
It is a challenge to give good care. I see it when I give advice as a nurse.
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lol! tmi!
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This is new. I’m not sure whether to or how I log in. Guess I’ll just do this and see what happens.
Like “livingvictoriously” (and I love your name change, by the way!), I, too, am very sensitive to medications. I have fibromyalgia and have been told that may be one reason I react so badly. The result is that I second guess how I’m feeling and whether it’s the meds or just me and whether I need to stop or not stop. I think some of my decisions, one way or the other, have been good. Others, not so much. It’s frustrating and I sure know where you’re coming from! Too often I wish I could just quit everything but I have found out the hard way that that is NOT the answer. I am resigned to the fact that I will always need some medications. I just wish…..
Good luck to you.
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u did just fine, u probably realized already.
…i wish a lot of things too. keep on.
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I am new to this, meaning medications. I constantly second guess myself or try and be “strong” and tell myself I don’t need the medication. My biggest fear was not being ME anymore. So I suffered through the fear and anxiety until someone stretched out their hand and gave me the support and gentle push I needed.
I found out that I’m still ME. It’s stupid and I don’t know why it was/is so hard for me.
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catherine girl, welcome welcome!
thank u especially for highlighting that no one is out there to morph you into a paranormal.
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