Why, Is Just Not So Friendly To “Me” – Sabotaging Self-Care

I like it,

she says, as if that makes all the sense that she needs.

Does reason justify the action?  When action isn’t friendly to Me, do we really want to know the why?

Sometimes in clinic, I feel like a beast.  The other day, I did in fact.  Beautiful Harmony came in and she disclosed that she was drinking a couple of beers a night.  I thought she had stopped her alcohol.  She had told me that some time ago and I had forgotten to ask her about it in many months.

I asked her why, which was my mistake.  What ever her reason was, I already knew I wouldn’t think it made any sense.  I already knew I’d harangue her with teaching, coaching and cheerleading efforts to stop.  I knew when the words were coming out of her mouth that I was going to say things that she didn’t want to hear.  But, who wants a polite doctor?  What a watered down excuse for medical care.  The kind that says,

Oh Harmony, you are drinking.  You understand the risks and benefits and the benefits outweigh the risks for you.  Ok.  I’ll continue to treat you for all the disease processes that are secondary to alcohol, exacerbated by alcohol and I’ll continue to prescribe medications that won’t work while you’re still drinking.

I am not so polite.  Unlucky Harmony.

Harmony, the reasons that you drink alcohol do not do for you what you think they do.  The reasons are not your friend.

We all have a little “Harmony” in us, using reasons for our own sabotage.  As if we needed them.  As if they made sense.

I could die driving to work today.  Let me smoke.

I live with him because I’m lonely.  I know he…

We all battle for and against ourselves.  We are all hoping to do friendly things.  We all hope the unfriendly things will go away or get friendlier.  We have good intentions.  However, when we hear ourselves talking about them, we can get friendlier simply but not worrying about all the reasons that make doing what we want to do feel ok and just go straight to the point.

I like it…

Uh… Stop before getting started on the “why.”

Cathy, who writes The Reinvented Lass, described this so well.  She’s a funny writer and see’s the world with hope.  Check her out.

Questions:  Do you really want to know why?  Is your reason friendly to you?    How do you get past your reasons why?  Please tell us your story.

Self-Care Tip – Don’t be so polite with yourself.

10 thoughts on “Why, Is Just Not So Friendly To “Me” – Sabotaging Self-Care

  1. I am fortunate. I had a high bottom and was still functioning as an alcoholic. There is nothing you can do for Harmony until her life is in such disharmony and she realizes a “coupla” beers doesn’t work for her and she becomes sick and tired of being sick and tired. Working with people’s issues while in active addiction gets nowhere. I would spend my time with patients who want to get better. I have told some people from the rooms not to call me until they are 6 months sober. Oh yes, I hadda coupla every night for 35 years. My coupla was 32 oz of vodka per day minimum. Don’t tell me about a coupla….

  2. Asking “why” puts people on the defensive which means they rattle off excuses, justifications, rationalization and all that stuff that we know is cow pie!

    I put “why” on the shelf because the answer is seldom the truth.

    Harmony must not be finished teasing her disease.

Leave a Reply