Why Am I Worth Keeping Alive? A Tool To Fight Suicide.

Vulcan (Star Trek)

Lately I’ve enjoyed a variety of novels cast in some future in which the government uses statistics and the higher good of the masses to govern.  Each book maintains that catastrophes brought these supportive measures on, resources are few and self-accountability is through the roof.  We get to experience with the protagonist her blooming sense of self and human rights which fuel and protect her as she leads and achieves needed changes.

Some of the novels are better than others but I am finding they all have in common an expectation for their characters and readers.

We must know why we are worth preserving.

Why am I deserving of sharing space, air, water, life-sustaining resources and free-choice?  Why not keep those for my betters; for people with fewer diseases, more to offer and less to take.  Ouch.

In Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Spock famously poisons himself while saving his ship and friends.

Spock: Don’t grieve, Admiral. It is logical. The needs of the many outweigh…
Kirk: …the needs of the few…
Spock: …Or the one.

We can’t help but ask ourselves, “Why am I worth keeping alive?

Isn’t that question an interesting irony for those of us who suffer with morbid thoughts?  Those of us, who struggle with diseases that cause us to want death, might use this as a tool to hijack that suicidal thought into fighting to live because…

Even if we are not in that group of people who have or do or will fantasize about the “what ifs,” I can still think of a few good reasons to spend some time in the space of what is worth preserving about us.

Spock: I have been and always shall be your friend.

Question:  Why are you worth keeping alive?  Please tell us your story.

Self-Care Tip – Do not go gently into death.

Dylan Thomas wrote:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right, 
Because their words had forked no lightning they 
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright 
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, 
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, 
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, 
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight 
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, 
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

18 thoughts on “Why Am I Worth Keeping Alive? A Tool To Fight Suicide.

  1. That was great Sana! “Rage, Rage against the dying of the light, do not go gentle into that good night.” We need to rage against our anxiety, depression and illness because we are worth keeping!
    Thank you!

  2. Pingback: Why Am I Worth Keeping Alive? A Tool To Fight Suicide. | One child at a time | Scoop.it

  3. When I went through that period of my life, I fought to live because of my children. Even though I did not feel worthy or as if I had worth, I wanted them to have a mother. I knew I was ill, but I did not realize how ill until the thoughts of dying became overwhelming. Now, from a healthier view, I know that there are many in our lives that choice affects. There are always those that we did not even realize. One of my favorite Christmas movies ever is Jimmy Stewart in “It’s a Wonderful Life”. I have come to understand that it is true. None of us realize what an influence we have over others while we are here upon this earth. None of us see what might have been had we not been around to fix it. I have seen the horrible effects of suicide on my own Children. Their father committed suicide when the youngest was 18 years old. To this day it haunts them, hurts them, and makes them question. I can’t even imagine what their lives would have been like if I would have made the same choice when my own days were dark and black.
    I agree. We need to rage against our own darknesses. We need to strive and struggle to live and be. Life can be good.
    My favorite quote is simply this, “The Bible often says, it came to pass. It never says, it came to stay.” This is what I remember when I start feeling like life is overwhelming. This too shall pass.

  4. I’m in pain and tired and depressed (mostly for what my family is suffering, even though everything is minor, all things considered) but, as I have said many times here, I need to live, no matter how bad I feel in this moment, because, in taking my life, I would hurt my family (and friends) in too many ways to list and I would miss watching them grow through the good and the bad times of thier lives in a list just as long. I do “rage”, daily, for them and for me, but we are alive for one another and that will always, always trump the supposed comfort of “going gentle into that good night”.

      • Why do I deserve to live? I am, to quote my doctor when I saw him yesterday, “elderly” 🙂 and I figure that, if I’ve made it this far, I deserve to live to see what the rest of my life will offer. I am a mother of two, and I deserve to live to see where they go with their lives and to be proud of who they have become already. I am a grandmother, and I deserve to live to see my granddaughter blossom into a teenager – and young adulthood and beyond, if I’m lucky enough to live that long – and to give and receive the love that the two of us have shared since her birth. I am a friend to peers, and I deserve to live to share in the joys as well as the sadnesses of their lives as they have, over the years, shared in mine. I am a friend to those more “elderly” than I, and I deserve to live to see them through to the end of their lives and give them the support that I want to give them and they indicate they need from me as they live their last days, weeks, years. I am a wife, and I deserve to live to share, with my husband, the remainder of our lives enjoying our children and their families, enjoying our retirement, loving each other as we have for 46 years or more. I am God’s child, and I deserve to live because God created me, with all of the hurt and pain and sadness and love and joy and peace, and He saw, as in all that He created, that I was “good” and worthy and deserving of the life, and how can I fight that? Why do I deserve to live? Because, apparently, I’m worth it, no matter what.

  5. Sadly, I am among the population that has attempted suicide more than once. And thankfully, I have failed each time. When I awoke after my last attempt, I had resigned myself to the fact that I will go when it is my time to go. It is not up to me.

    Dorothy Parker said it best:

    “Razors pain you;
    Rivers are damp;
    Acids stain you;
    And drugs cause cramp.
    Guns aren’t lawful;
    Nooses give;
    Gas smells awful;
    You might as well live.”

    And as I resigned myself to life, I came to realize that life is a gift you cannot return or exchange. Every single person has been gifted with this life to lead. We do not know whether this will be the only life we will ever have. It is illogical to waste it. Even when standing amongst ruins and holding tatters of what was, there is still a wealth of what could be with what is.

    It’s not about individual worth. If we whittled it down to that, then lonely, isolated, unemployed people would be blinking out of existence by the dozens. It is about the fact that every life is interwoven with the lives of many others. Every life counts. Every minute of every person’s existence is important to the universe. Even the simple act of breathing can change things. And that means every single action or inaction affects things.

    Life is worth it. Life is worth living. We never know where we’re going to go. In the worst of times, I’ve always told myself to live in the day. Just in that day like it were my only day. No yesterday, no tomorrow. One day, one moment, one breath at a time. Because it is worth it. The experience is worth it. The human experience has to be the most thrilling rollercoaster ride this universe has to offer. It’s hard, but if it were easy, would it be worth it? No. That’s why it’s snagged by design.

    My consciousness, your consciousness – a gift. To lead all at once, or a second at a time.

    • Beautifully said, Luna. I love how you write – and that you lived so that you are able to share words like this with those of us who need to hear them. Thank you.

      • Please, feel free to call me Lulu! And I want to thank you so much for your sincere compliment. I have been on the other side where I have watched others suffer the losses of loved ones to suicide. I see what it does, and have felt the effects as far as being a fourth party. It hurts. I know that of those people could have had one more moment and a little more help, they’d still be alive, spreading their love and joy to their families and friends.

    • i read all of d. parker’s works in early college i think. i had forgotten her so thx for bringing her here. i really luv’d her mind and skill. she was influential in my sense of empowerment. i remember her also being funny.
      i like your dive into connectedness here. thx lulu. keep on.

Leave a Reply