Cherry Benton, a 48-year-old mother of four righteously beautiful children was doing so much better. Her medication, like its own kind of knight on a white horse, had given her a rapid response within weeks for her depression, recently a sagging putrefied vegetable that metaphorically stunk her up. No one had wanted to be around her, not even her own cherubs and it broke her heart.

One can be broken hearted and not depressed. They are not synonymous, just neighbors, even if they become housemates again – like when patients self d/c their meds. But that’s another blog post.

In Cherry’s case, her kids had started to avoid her a while ago she now realized. It was like she was coming out of a heavy smog and haze filled space and now looking around, was able to see where she had journeyed. Where had the time gone? She could hardly even remember details but over the past approximate eighteen months she had indeed travelled far. Her kids, from 7 to 13 years old, now looked to Nana for their needs. Nana came when Cherry’s husband, a UPS delivery man, died when a glioblastoma killed him 3 weeks after being diagnosed.

Grief is not the same as depression, even when they become housemates. Depression is multifactorial, with genetic and environmental contributions. And when those environmental factors come together with genetic loading, it can be super hard. Cherry’s father had suicided after the stock market crash in 2008, and she had several family members with a history of severe depression. A cousin hung himself, and an aunt had been on meds for years. Nana was terrified that Cherry’s depression would kill her too. But thankfully Cherry had begun to respond to medication. And it didn’t take long for Cherry to want her kids back! But it’s complicated for kids and mommas. And the days, then weeks, then months, then year(s) when their mom acted like she didn’t care about them, isolated in her room, seemed to cry over the sound of their own tears and didn’t hear them, these add up in the minds of children. “How do I fix this?!” Cherry asked.

You may be wondering when I’m going to get to the 5-steps to healthy relationships, and I will, but first I want to remind you about Elijah… who I’m going to tell you about tomorrow!

For today, self-care tip is going to be about the good old, “you can’t give what you don’t have.” Get well biologically, like getting money in the bank, in order to give to others. You Got this! Keep on!

Question: Has medication helped you or someone you love? How did your relationship survive before meds kicked in? Or did it survive at all? Please tell us your story.