Self-Care Tip #96 – Choose well, what you will live for.
Yesterday we discussed finding our reference point for why we do what we do. All day today I found my thoughts returning there and had to spend another blog-post-opportunity on it’s “friendliness.” I was happy to find that I was not the only one when I got a reader‘s response:
I’m still coming out of the fog of doing anything for survival-as-a-habit. As in, being in panicked survival mode even when all is calm and safe–that is no way to live, any dog knows better than to live like that.
I contrast her response with my colleague’s:
The intentions of any life is self-serving. Altruism doesn’t exist except in God, (which I accede not to understand), and people can’t rise above their own genetics.
Now this man is the kindest, sweetest, most generous man you’d ever meet and he doesn’t say these things with any meanness, anger towards a past offense, or to turn people from God.
However, contrast his take on our reference point in life with the reader’s above. She talks about her choice. Can a choice transcend our genetics?
You may remember some of a previous post mentioning the work of MIT neuroscientist, Sebastian Seung. His research tells us that memories are stored in our neurons and not in our genes. Eg. Habits are memories and not genetic therefore not permanent.
There is an interplay between choice and genetics. YES!!@!! We aren’t robots! 😉 Nor are we a picture without a frame. We so often don’t think about all the good that our genetics do for our lives. There’s just so much talk about how we fight our genetics. We have been given both a design and free choice. Of course we can’t change our design, but as our reader later said so well:
For some people it is a process just to ask “why am I doing this?” … AND actually ask that question to themselves. (man-o-man the times I have asked everyone else why I was doing something) Maybe it will take sometime for an answer to come, but asking means we are on our way!
Choice is the gift from God that the apple and the serpent and thousands, or billions of years (what ever is true) can’t take away from us. Only you can.
Be a friend to yourself.
Question: Where are you in process between your choice and your design? Is the interplay one that is smooth or rocky for you? Please tell me your story
Can a choice transcend our genetics?
I truly believe we can become more than our “programming”!
For 52 years I was a daughter, a daughter-in-law, a wife, a mother, a committee chair, a choir member, a club president, a scout leader, a PTA member, etc. etc….and then, one day, someone asked, “Who is Nancy?” and I disolved. Eighteen years and a lot of therapy later, I’m loving being a grandmother, but I still don’t know who Nancy is. My choice would be to be the artist I am certain God designed me to be, but I was “programed” to be everything to everyone else, first and foremos, and it is still impossible for me to “transcend my genetics”. I would give anything to know how, because being a Friend to Myself was definitely NOT part of my programming!
Hi Nancy! Thank you for reading and commenting. You are an important voice that many people can relate to. You are not alone. You’ve been through a lot of therapy you say. Have you looked at the possibility that you might be going through something organic/medical? Anyhow, your journey is important. Keep on!
Sana,
If I reply to one of your responses to my comments about your blog, does it just go to you or does it become public? I’d like to answer your question but don’t think I’ comfortable making it a part of the blog dialogue.
Nancy
Thank you for pursuing this. That says a lot. And yes. This is a public site. I remember in chatting with you, you said you have family near my town that you visit a few times a year. We could see each other in clinic if you like when you are out. Call any time. It would be a pleasure. 951-514-1234. Keep on!
This really hit home with me today Dr. Q. Thanks:)) I miss your smiling face:)
hey stranger!!!!! many many thanks for reading and commenting jodie. what a treat to know u r still connected. warms me up.