Victim to Emotions Versus The Friendliness In Accountability

Thin layer chromatography is used to separate ...

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It’s just hard!

It is hard.  Do you feel like a victim?

Yes I do?  It’s hard when they are making you feel this way and no one gets it unless they are here fighting against both sides like I have to.

Juanita’s self-perception and emotions; suffering is special and specific to Me, I am chosen to suffer, I am alone in my suffering and I am helpless, were carried by the air particles through our room.

In 1910, Russian botanist Mikhail Tsvet used water to do this to plant dyes.   The water in the plant dyes carried the pigment, separating them for his needs.  This is now called chromatography and we use it to determine what makes up a particular flavor or scent, to analyze pollutants, to find traces of drugs in urine, and to separate blood proteins.  You might remember doing this yourself as a child in the simple science experiment with a marker, a couple drops of water and a coffee filter.

Juanita’s son also knew about chromatography, I could tell.  He may not have called it that with words, but he did call it out with his body, his eyes and the muscles around his lips told me as I watched that the emotions had made their way over to him and that he was bringing them inside.

Some people call emotions contagious and others may describe them as spreading.  No one thinks they don’t travel.  No one thinks they remain stationary.  In fact, if we were to reduce everything in the known world, living and nonliving matter, and expand our thoughts into a large large amount of time, we’d agree that nothing is stationary.  Furthermore, everything is changed by the influencers in its universe.

Juanita’s son knew this even if he didn’t cognitively piece it together.  He was taking in his mom’s emotions and they were making their changes on him.

What I asked Juanita was if it mattered in the end.  She’s still left with herself, regardless of where things came from.  We’d like to think others should take care of us, at least not do damage to us, but if they don’t or if they do, in the end, we are left with ourselves.  All these perceived degrees of abuse she suffered – what now?

Saying we are left with ourselves, accountable to ourselves and should take care of ourselves is not making any statement about the condition of our connections with the world around us.  It’s just talking about Me.  Sometimes we perceive how others take care of us, sometimes we don’t.  The same goes with feeling alone and so forth.  But that isn’t about accountability to ourselves.

I would have liked to have said the same thing to Juanita’s son but couldn’t.  I hope he learns it from watching his mother.  If he or mom gain insight into this and can act on that insight, wonderful.  If they cannot do one or the other though, I’d bet there’s something biological going on and need to take care of themselves by looking for medical help.

Question:  How do you perceive accountability to yourself being different from where the problems drift towards you from?  Or from how you have been changed by problems?  Please tell me your story.

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8 thoughts on “Victim to Emotions Versus The Friendliness In Accountability

  1. My family has either refused to understand why I had a breakdown or actually simply has not understood…period. Whatever the case, their perception of my illness has always ended up hurting me…I thought. I was being victimized constantly by the comments being made by them or the actions being taken by them…I thought.

    Two years ago my sisters and I got together on what had become an annual reunion, of sorts – a weekend together. It was supposed to be fun but I was always on edge because I knew that one of them, in particular, could not understand where I was coming from (and refused to accept what I knew were the reasons for my breakdown) and the other was just sad about it. At our last “reunion”, I allowed myself to be pushed to discuss with them much more than I wanted to – and, as it turned out, much more than I was capable of. The result was what I called a “mini” breakdown. My doctors and therapist said it was much more than that.

    I ran away to California last year to avoid another reunion. Everyone knew that I couldn’t handle another. I knew it, too. However, while in California, I was introduced to and, over the last year, I have come to know that I am not the victim. I never was. I just had never tried to be accountable to me. After over 16 years of medication and therapy, I still had no idea how to care for myself – to be responsible for myself.

    This fall I will attend our reunion again. Many of my friends here think I’m crazy or just wrong. My husband and my children don’t. I don’t. We know that I am different now. Perhaps my sisters are, too, but that doesn’t matter to me. What matters is that I know how to care for myself and I know that I am fully capable of understanding where they are coming from and what I need to do to be accountable for my safety and my mental health. I love where we go on our reunion. I love my sisters. I will not allow my feeling like a victim to ever stop me again from doing what I love or being with those I love. I will never run away again. I don’t need to because for the first time in maybe forever I know that I am with Me, and knowing that makes me strong enough to just BE wherever I am and with whomever I am with.


  2. That is interesting to compare emotions with chromatography, but I guess they are similar. We can easily be affected by others’ emotions. Someone cheery might make us happy, while a grump makes us grumpy, as well. But, while we can be influenced by others, it is our responsibilty to be happy or not. I can choose to let the angry person bring me down, or I can choose to get over what they did and be happy anyway. Sometimes someone’s bad attitude gave me a bad attitude, but then I realized it wasn’t fair to spread that bad attitude to others when they did nothing to me, so I tried to get in a better mood.


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