In becoming a friend to yourself, we all use tools; a hoe, a shovel, a bottle of medications, friends and lots of floss. Not all in the same moment or we might get hurt. None of the tools we use are meant to been seen, when looked at, alone as a weapon to box us up. They are each in turn just a tool to be used to improve our ability to be friendly with ourselves. Don’t get paranoid.
This is important to remember, the more effective the tool becomes. We build suspicions when things work that well, like ladders in case we need them. But if we find ourselves miming walls that no one else can see, it really is just about Me. The walls, the box, the perception of being defined too easily are coming from Me.
If you’ve ever heard about the biopsychosocial model, you may have experienced this sensation. Each paradigm introduced looks more and more like brick and mortar, and you find yourself acting out the runaway-bride gig. You are not that special, nor Me. We are a construction of unique complexity, each of us individual and undefinable. However, none of us are so special that we can’t use the tools. None of us are so special that we can be captured; an exotic bird never before seen. We are in fact too commonplace in our inability to be boxed, shut up and drawn in. Let that twist your thoughts.
In the biopsychosocial model we use the paradigms as given to us through biology, psychology and sociology to improve our insight and what ever we hope to accomplish thereafter. It’s a collection of tools.
When a patient comes to see me, looking for help, sometimes they apperceive the tools. They become distorted towering constructs. The biopsychosocial model looks like mechanisms designed to take away freedom rather than improve access to freedom. It is a lot of unknown to be dosed with and it is a natural response. But the biopsychosocial model is rather a collection of highly effective, (even suspiciously effective,) ways to improve brain disease.
Self-Care Tip: Remember, you are free, even when you accept help.
Questions: When have you perceived that you were being boxed in by the “help” coming your way? How did you reclaim your sense freedom? How did you manage to still get help? Please tell us your story.
Related articles
- Holistic Care In Psychiatry (3precocious3lotus3.wordpress.com)
- Emotion is a biopsychosocial phenomenon (eitheory.com)
- Choice and Biology – Where Emotions and Behaviors Come From 2011/06/09
- Finalé – Me Again. Everything Starts and Ends With Me – Even Emotions and Behaviors. 2011/05/26
- Me! Where Emotions and Behaviors Come From 2011/05/25
- The Biopsychosocial Model for Where Emotions and Behaviors Come From 2011/05/24
- Get Your Butter Knife Out and Spread Your Biopsychosocial Self Together 2011/03/18
- EITheory: A Biopsychosocial Intervention Model (eitheory.com)
Friend to Yourself 
Realizing the positives of accepting help re mental and emotional issues is a freedom. We are enslaved if we see getting help as some sort of deficit in our character which immobilizes us because of shame.
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getting help as a deficit of character – yes. i know of that belief. hard one to be up against. thanks for speaking carl.
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When help is unsolicited, I feel boxed in. I consider myself an independent person and I don’t appreciate the feeling of being manipulated or controlled. Ironically, I have struggled throughout much of my life, spending enormous physical and psychological energy, in an attempt to single-handedly control my own world. It has taken one extremely hard landing to accept the fact that trying to control my world is exhausting, depressing, immobilizing and even impossible. I now focus on surrendering what is outside of my control. In this way, I am more willing to seek help and accept imperfection. So, you might say that surrender is my new tool. For me, it has proven to be very useful. It replaces worry–the old worn-out tool I used to grab.
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unsolicited help -> feeling boxed. yes. i’d say that says it right. thank u beth for putting it so well. i like your story too. inspiring to me and i’m sure others. keep talking.
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Fear, lack of trust, bad experiences, failure. They all are a part of at least my feeling of being boxed in more than occasionally over the years. Terror ( a fear beyond fear) that “This is happening again!!!!” turns me around and sends me running back into the arms of those professionals, family, and friends who (most of them) have been there all along. Handling my mental health issues has always been a roller coaster thing – and I HATE roller coasters!!!
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i can just see u on montezuma’s revenge, mouth wide, silent screaming
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i have been talking about being a friend to oneself for years! i emphasize having a daily dialogue with oneself. i had to read your first sentence a couple of times before i could really believe someone else was saying it. i have an articulated thought paradigm that i endorse and wrote about in Think Twice. i am really happy to see that you are doing this too! Cheers!
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great to meet u dr. cornwall! i’m laughing a little because i feel the same way sometimes when i hear resonance, even though w every comment that comes it is there. it still surprises me. it’s almost like hearing “you’re pretty” – we never believe it :). thank u so much for joining us. it is huge for us and i am eager to hear your voice. keep on.
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Each time I accept help I have to be dependent in a small way. But I don’t mind the teacher-mentor thing if it makes me happier.
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The first word in all 12 Step recovery programs is “we”
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carl, i rely on u for so much. please don’t stop teaching us about the 12-steps. we need them. thank u for the “we” part of what u do. keep on.
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this is humility. beautiful and something with energy, movement and hope. keep on.
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I feel boxed in when people try to push things on me, even if it’s best for me. I don’t like being pushed, even if I might have done what they were pushing me to do anyway. Once I get people to give me some space and some control over my own decisions, I feel better. I’m more likely to do something if people give me the freedom to choose it. If it’s pushed on me, I’ll fight it.
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I agree completely. I try to also remember this when I have a desire to influence other people. I try to avoid being pushy which usually doesn’t solicit the response I’m looking for anyway. Rather, pushiness tends to solicit rebellion, don’t you think?
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yes. it’s fighting the genes though sometimes which can b done but aint simple
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me too.
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Reblogged this on Greatpoetrymhf’s Weblog and commented:
A great life lesson in learning to ask for help….
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this brought me all kinds of warmth. especially at this point as i sit w a bunch of people in this room i’m in who just don’t get the incredible healing that comes from being accountable to Me. They don’t get that there is no threat there to God’s supremacy as they see it. That loving Me is no threat, no act of foul play and no encroachment on depending on God entirely. this is of course only familiar to those who struggle w these concepts, but i am sitting here, reading your voice of connection to a stream of friendly fresh air and I thank u. timing :). keep on.
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