Own It. Our Life’s Work.

We can control what others do about as much as we can control the Democratic government.

My patient asked me if her medications were changing who she was.  After asking her more about where that came from, she disclosed that her husband was blaming her medications for the emotional distance between.  He was not blaming his daily alcohol intake nor that he see’s her as “The Patient” and not himself.  This is after she has spent years investing in herself through medications, some counseling, and regular exercise.  This woman had courage.  Yet she still bought into what her husband was telling her.

We personalize things that have very little to do with us.  Sometimes we know we’re doing it, but more often we don’t.  In this woman’s case, I had to think, how much of this was about her versus the accuser, i.e. husband.  We came to understand together that either way, true or not, the only person in her relationship she could better, is that same person she’s been attending to so well for so long.  In the end we were talking about going to CoDA, Al-Anon, or local support groups through NAMI.  She focussed on herself, excited about her opportunities to grow some more.  She wasn’t thinking so much about her husband getting passed up by his own opportunities.  Nor about the accusations.

Talking to a friend who recently shed 15 unwanted pounds, we did a celebration whoop!  She wasn’t perseverating on her husband who was smoking again. She was hurt by it, but used the energy in that emotion to motivate change in her own life.  Who knows.  Maybe her husband will grow from wanting what he see’s in her.  Courage, self-respect, inner congruence, hope, and so many more great things that come when you fight hard for your precious self.

Not taking things personally though can be much easier said than done.  If you try over and over but see that it continues to get the best of you, consider getting an opinion from someone you trust.  Get a “third-party” opinion to bounce your perspectives from.  Maybe this is something biological and medical as well. Personalization is a familiar problem in medical illnesses such as Affective Spectrum Disorders or Anxiety Spectrum Disorders.

Self Care Tip #35 – Own it.  Be a friend to yourself.

Question:  What do you think?  Please tell me your story.

15 thoughts on “Own It. Our Life’s Work.

  1. thank you for this
    very encouraging.
    i am into a journey
    of befriending myself
    which i have long ago forgotten.
    i revived the relationship
    with myself just 2 months ago.
    i am excited to catch up
    with that awesome being
    🙂

  2. this has been churning in my head since last night…I think I take so much more personally than I ever realized. todays goal, to stop!

  3. More wonderful information and tips, what more should I expect? I loved this piece, I think it speaks to so many people out in the world and makes them realize they are not alone. It enables them to feel the hope, courage and strength of the woman from your blog.

  4. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    I have been looking for resource such as this one for some time. Then yesterday, in my morning Bible study, God dealt with me about taking better care of myself (all aspects.)

    So I immediately revived my HEAL THY SELF NATURALLY blog http://healthyselfnaturally.blogspot.com/

    Then, today morning I find thysleroux had commented on my other blog CHRISTIAN STRESS MANAGEMENT
    http://almasimanagingstress.blogspot.com/
    and so I went to his blog to check it out and check out a comment I had left there sometime back. For some reason, I was draw to your profile and clicked and here I am loving every minute of it.

    What is surprising is that you had commented before me but that day, I did’t even notice the other comments. But everything happens at God’s perfect timing.

    Thank you for your healing blog.
    Thank you for sharing.
    And Thank You Jesus .

  5. hi sana,
    al-anon, a great program. i really feel blessed to have found a 12 step program that is so gentle yet so encouraging with wonderful results for me personally. it has taught me how to quiet my mind, live in the monent, live and let live, and let go and let God. all principles i apply daily and the pleasure i get from living this way has enhanced all aspects of my life. this program is not only for the loved ones of alcoholics but for anyone who has a family member suffering from addiction or if you were raised in a home with perfectionistic standards. these standards stunt emotional growth and the results emotionally are no diff. than growing up in a home with addiction. from the outside the perfectionistic home may look functional whereas the alcoholics home looks chaotic, but the emotional impact is the same. growing up this way may result in other acceptable addictions like workaholic, churchaholic, perfectionism, eating disorders etc… anyway, i’m sure you know all this stuff so i’ll stop here. thanks for the post. it got me thinking about how thankful i am for al-anon. have a great day, hugs!

  6. Pingback: Yell and Someone Will Hear « A Friend to Yourself

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