Katalyn was forever bewildered by the contrast between the success of what she called her life and the failure of her relationships. As the assistant to the director of Polk Hill’s only advertising firm, she knew everyone. She was a blooming flower, her petals unfurled and her ability to know just where to turn the pitch was like opening to the sun. She had talent. But more than that, Katalyn was a darn good worker.
Sitting across from me in the couch chair, her long and graceful fingers tapped the chair arm as if they were used to keeping time with her moving thoughts. “Here it comes,” I said to myself, and tried to relax into the complexity of her story.
“Why am I alone? Why aren’t I in a relationship?”
Katalyn chewed her lip and blinked a little faster. “I will not cry!” I could almost hear her mind say.
Time cracked open there into reflection.
We all have this dissonance in our life story. We make our choices with where we put our hard work. But we leave our fantasies disconnected from this investment of ourselves. We think that fantasies, (fantasy as in: contemporary, epic and/or paranormal – not necessarily fish-net hose,)… We think that fantasies should materialize via magical forces rather than deliberate efforts. Irony, again. Qualifying accessibility to our fantasies, (or we could say, wants,) this way verses to what we think is real is our own doing.
Reminds me that we treat our loved ones worse than any stranger. Put our best years and best hours of the day into impersonal labor, we give this way. We think the least of our own beauty, success and intrigue, and the most in those we know little about. Then we wonder about the disconnect.
There is something raw and vulnerable about showing our wanting to ourselves. It is one thing about our wanting in privacy, a place of personal ridicule and shame, and it is another to want in public life-process.
Imagine if Katalyn deliberately allowed herself to relax into her wanting at work as well as in privacy. What would happen? How would she do that? What is the worst that could happen?
Imagine Katalyn as a woman who fantasized as she worked hard. Would her work experience be different? What would happen to her quality of life? What would happen to her perception of reality?
Self-Care Tip: Let your wanting, (or we could say, fantasies,) out into public.
Questions: What would be different in your quality of life experience if you deliberately included your wanting into what you perceived was your reality? What would happen if you worked hard to bring those together? Have you seen this at work in your life? Please tell us your story.
- Why You’d Love to get Fired (benfanning.com)
- Reality (unknownwhispers.wordpress.com)
- The Reality of a Fantasy (jtvenz72.wordpress.com)
Age is the greatest manipulator … it creates reality from fantasy.
blessings ~ maxi
Oh you wise woman, thank you for sharing this part of yourself!
how has age done this for u, maxi?
Thank you so much for the insightful, intuitive piece. I love to hear your thoughts.
We so much disconnect from that part of ourselves of joy, fulfillment personally and wonder.
Totally. Thank u for speaking out. What is connecting w that part of joy doing?
Hi Sana, This triggers for me how easy it is to blindly limit yourself. I thought for years that life and work had to be hard and living in an inspired and passionate way was just a fantasy.
The first step for me was to get down and dirty on challenging these limitations to the next level.
So good. Working w as much fueled force toward bringing wanting into where we already r productive is where this is at! Please tell us what is happening w your new position?
Seems first is to realize we all have some degree of empowerment. Then I suppose it takes some determination, stubbornness, dissatisfaction with status quo and a touch of adventure then build a cottage factory and start manufacturing.
Cottage factory! Live it.
I woke up this morning thinking about exactly something along these lines. While I made tea etc. and the house was quiet. Thinking about why I couldn’t seem to materialize for myself what I can seem to materialize for my participants etc. Why could I help them to move their bodies and create health etc. WHY CAN’T I BE SLIM NOT MATTER WHAT I DO OR DON’T DO?!
Anyways . . . pity party later I turn on my computer and in my in box is your message. Of course! Did God want me to have this or did I create/manifest/reflect it with my smoky mirror (A Course in Miracles). And here your question is about perception/reality etc.
Katalyn’s question posed to me: “Why am I fat? Why am I not in a relationship . . . WITH MY SELF?!”
Why am I disconnected?! I posed this very question in my course this week. What do I want?
I WANT TO BE CONNECTED!!!!!!! I keep getting in my own way with my own ego from being connected. Ego can be so strong and so wily and I want to be connected not to ego but to God to the Source. To not be in my own head and to be connected to The Holy Spirit. To lay down all my old stories and allow Grace to flow through me and create me as whole. Not my image of who but the image I am meant to be. Does that mean I can’t fantasize and wonder?! Nope because the Spirit wants me to be happy. To be whole here in this perceived world so I can become closer to whats real, Love, Love is eternal, not beginning, no end, while here on earth we are impermanent. However . . . while we are here it feels pretty darn permanent and I want to be slim and healthy and physically sound while I am here. Okay Spirit, I am holding onto my socks. Bring it on!
Love you Sana
I can relate to that seemingly obvious wanting although it is more obscure than that. I know many of us can. I want, and here u n many others also saying that they want to use their wanting to b better connect w themselves. Let us know please more as u continue in process.
I have always been told that work came first and then play. My house needed to be clean before I took time with my kids. My teaching and paper-grading had to be done before I could enjoy an evening with my husband when we became empty nesters. Even my volunteer work, mostly at church, took massive amounts of time away from my family. And then I had a nervous breakdown and I had all the time in the world for family but was so sick and then so involved in trying everything (well, not ECT, but…:-) )to get well that family again took a back seat. Now, at 72, when I look back, I am so very sorry that the important things were so very important when the most important things were the fantasy I always needed…the reality that would have made my life more sane more quickly. But lunch with my family celebrating Mother’s Day today made me know that, no matter how much I beat myself up for not being there for them, they have always hung in with me and always will. Somehow, apparently, my love for them won out even when I was the busiest or the sickest because here they were today pouring out their love and thanking me for loving them.
If I had it to do over, would I do the same things? Probably, because my mother is still, ten years after her death, telling me to do important things first…clean, work, volunteer…and then do what you want to do IF you have time. It hurts that I listened – and still do, believe it or not – but, like Col, I believe that the Holy Spirit lives within us all and that, for me and my family, my love of God showed my family my love for them even when I didn’t know it. But that’s how the Holy Spirit works, isn’t it, Col.
I’m not sure I have interpreted what you asked correctly, Sana, but I know that not being deliberate hurt me more than it did my family but hurting me hurt them in a different way. Love is so complicated. And I’m tired just thinking about it and being sad. It’s time to be deliberate, even at my age.
U amaze me. Thank u for telling us nance. Please let us how what being deliberate continues to be in re: friendship to your life.