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Self-Care Tip #198 – Being a friend to yourself might be saying,
No.
Our culture is brimming. Brimming with…, well take your pick; walking the dogs, turning in a take-home test, watching The King’s Speech, writing a journal entry, making pancakes or reading Savvy – we have options.
However, today and often, options are stalkers we think difficult to restrain. …More difficult, say than filing a restraining order against your husband.
Walter filed for divorce with his unhappy wife. Vengefully, his wife turned around and filed a restraining order on him and just like that, he was unable to see his kid for over two months. That was easy. All she had to do was file it.
And when we have these many options, all we need to do is say, “Yes,” to one and to the rest,
No.
I love it when my four year-old son is rocking carelessly on my outstretched legs, flopping about, a happy-drunk bird-on-a-wire, and predictably although unintentionally falls. Crumpled on the floor, he flicks his bangs back and says rather coolly,
I was okay, Mommy. I was okaaaay.
I had tried to rest on the couch and type, doing my self-care thing after doing Mommy-stuff with the kids for a large chunk of the day. But telling him to stop doing that really cute thing he does was not so easy.
According to The Economic and Social Research Council,
Having older siblings is not related to children’s happiness with their family, but having younger siblings in the household is associated with lower levels of satisfaction and this effect is greater the more younger siblings present in the household.
It turns out that children feel more happiness in their homes when there are fewer younger children. They perceive that there is less energy available for them from their parents with each born child. And I’m here to say, there is. With my son on the floor, flicking his hair and going,
I was okaaay…,
my middle daughter kissing my shoulder and burrowing into my arm like an ear-wig, my eldest daughter came back to ask for the sixth time if I would play jump rope with her – I remembered this study. So true. I don’t need more options, i.e. more children who ask and I say,
No.
With these many wonderful options, choosing Me, is not always easy. (See post, “‘You’ Are the Best Gift.”)
Now throw in a little inappropriate guilt, some ruminating thoughts, self-loathing, bad sleep, some low motivation and energy and choosing Me becomes the hardest thing anyone has come up against.
Questions: How do you choose you when you could pick so many other great options? How has this helped quality of life for you and others in your life? Please tell me your story.