Self-Care Tip #130 – Ask for help. Be a friend to yourself.
The last two days we’ve talked about self-care,
1. Bringing pleasure to be sticky
2. Starting and ending with “Me.”
The natural progression is to now discuss,
3. Taking care of ourself when we cannot. When we Cannot take care of “Me.”
Still responsible for the single person that God gave us to take care of, “Me,” we lie down unable to move. Unmotivated, maybe too scared to do what we need to do, emotions awry, other medical problems chorusing in with pain, stomach upset, even infertility – our own brain betrays us in our need.
When we cannot trust our own brain, our own selves, whom can we trust?
Some of us have found our answers to that. Our lives starting and ending with God, we go where He is. But the brain is ill and, sometimes, suspicious of the rest of us around without a visible halo. When people point at me, and say, “God can heal me. Do not you believe that?!” I say, “Yes. God is the Great Psychiatrist. I love that we are in the same line of work.” And I do.
I do my best to help tell, educate, and offer opportunities that lead to healing for ill people to choose. It is their choice. Self-care in the context of illness, of losing the ability to care for yourself, is a place of vulnerability. We show our jelly sides, the places without defense and we ask for help. Taking care of our selves includes asking for help. Scary, undefined, entrusting yourself with outside sources takes the courage that only those with mental illness could know.
Asking for help does not mean that the thread of self-care has left you. It cannot really. You being its source. Do not be confused by the obvious. Outside help does not mean you are not doing self-care.
When we cannot do our own self-care, we ask for help. Asking for help is self-care.
(In reality, everyone doing self-care needs to know when to ask. Healthy or ill, we cannot be good at it all. We are creatures who need each other.)
When we cannot trust our brain, find someone(s) else we are willing to invite to join our self-care efforts. Ask for help.
Question: How has asking for help been for you? Please tell me your story.
- Doctor Patient (distractible.org)
- You: Giving voice to coping with mental illness – Tidewater News (news.google.com)
I’m not sure that I’d be able to ask for help.
but my friend, u do all the time w your books, recipes, blogs, relationships… and so on. u r connected in some of the loveliest ways. keep doing what u r great at.
asking for help is sometimes quite hard especialy with me i useually do and and then ask for help but now i have to think stop ask for help like a big red stop sign it is working it has took some time to reprogram my head being impulsive a bit like when i go shopping i have to question every product do i need it will it help me
Thanks for reading and commenting Kevin. I like those check points you are describing. I’ve found my own to be helpful. http://wp.me/p10lj3-M
It does take time. I’ve heard it is no rush though and that the journey counts more than the ending. hugs along the way to you!
The tricky thing about asking for help when you are suffering from mental illness is knowing WHO to ask. The fear of mental illness suddenly makes friends, most family members, church members or others either unwilling to commit or only willing to listen for a short while before running away. Even professionals can sometimes hurt you terribly if you haven’t checked them out carefully…and who, in the condition you’re in when you are emotionally demolished, is capable of looking into the background of professionals? After finally knowing what happened to cause my breakdown and working with a therapist for a year or so, I needed more of God in my life. So,I aked for help from a pastoral counselor who guided me wonderfully through reading, writing, talking about and praying to God and then very suddenly, and without explaination to me, refused to see me when I admitted that I had become co-dependent. She told my therapist she was stopping work with me, but never talked with me about it. It took years more of therapy just to get over the damage done by a pastoral counselor!!
Now I’m afraid to ask. I’m afraid to even talk about my last 16 years. I’m pretty certain that I have unresolved issues, but I’d rather live with them than risk the hurt. This blog and how I “found” it has become my only hope, and even this scares me.
What if someone I know reads it? What if I’m writing too much? What if I sound too needy? I lead a normal life now, but what if……?
Asking is terrifying!!!!!
Ah Nancy. u r sweet. i luv how u found the blog too! it reminds me that i don’t have to understand magic.
thank you for telling us some more of your story, woman of courage. even though it has painful content. keep on.
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Hi Sana, I feel quite honored that you chose one of my little drawings to illustrate your post!
You’re always welcome! 😀
I don’t like asking for help unless the person I’m asking will feel good about themselves for helping me… so choosing a person to ask can be a very strategic decision!
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