The How to: “Have It Out” With Others.

049. Mommies Face Off

049. Mommies Face Off (Photo credit: annagarcia)

1.  Speak in the “Me” tense.  (Read this post for more information.)

2.  If complaints toward others must be said, give stage.  Then “place” them in a bin so everyone knows that they are there, acknowledged, important and not ignored, even though everyone is talking about “Me” from here on.  Even though the complaints about others are not being talked about doesn’t disqualify them or minimize them.  They are just “binned” for now.

3.  Everyone is going toward their power, freedom and nidus of control – Me.    (Read this post for more information.)

4.  Pick one topic.  (Read this post for more information.)

Today I can’t count.  I believe that’s four self-care tips?

Questions:  What happens when you keep things about Me in the context of arguments?  How does this affect your connection with others?  How is this friendly to you?  Please tell us your story.

15 thoughts on “The How to: “Have It Out” With Others.

  1. Identifying our own self-care need is critical, especially when you are a care-giver. Hard to be present to others when you cannot identify and acknowledge your own needs. Without constant communication and honest dialogue, it usually takes a fit of anger for someone to express their true wants and needs.

    While this type of communication usually gets all the needs (issues) out in the open, the collateral damage done to the relationship needs to be repaired.

    Constant, open dialogue where boundaries, along with wants and needs are clearly expressed, usually helps avoid misunderstanding.

  2. I had it out with someone late last night who was badgering me about a tiff my sister started with me. I had told her once already that I had taken the high road by continuing to be cordial to her. I told her I didn’t want to discuss it further because she doesn’t understand my family dynamics. After she brought it up again I told her she was inebriated and she needed to drop it. I’m not sure why she felt the need to fix my problem but sharing my woes didn’t give her license to badger me.

    • our brain is so fragile, vulnerable and yet we don’t see that. we think we can “handle” being cavalier w it, “handle” the unknowns in how our genes will respond to what we do, – it’s marvelous that we are as resilient as we r to the gamble of etoh on our brain as we are. i’m sorry u went through this but i agree, it didn’t have much to do w u. keep on.

  3. Thanks for the reminder. I’ll let you know how it goes, if we can ever get all of the necessary parties together in order to begin the process. Hopeful, but not holding my breath.

  4. Good advice. I may want to go after someone if they seem like they’ve wronged me, but that will just make them less likely to listen. If we want to get anything resolved, we have to be civil. I’ve tried that before, and it helps.

  5. After further info has been revealed to me regarding this person with whom I have a huge conflict, not sure I can “bin” things and just leave them there. Partner’s hubby died last June and this person snooped through my meds and has decided that I had some sort of mental episode and killed the hubby. Coroner declared heart attack. Only thing I want to stuff into a bin is her!

  6. I was willing to use this method and play by these rules, until, I just heard about this wild and crazy accusation this other party has made against me. Now, the gloves are off and someone else will have to pick up her pieces figuatively speaking. The situation can’t possibly get worse and it’s about time someone stands up to her and tells her the truth, whether she believes it or not! Sorry, but tired of playing nice.

  7. I guess being true to ourself is being honest with ourselves when we feel something someone did is not right. I felt the need to ask questions of how something was handled in a ministry for children I help out in. There was a misuse of power and I asked questions. The response I got from these “Godly women” hurt me to the core. All I did was ask questions and wanted them to answer. It’s hard being true to yourself but I knew I needed to stand up for what I felt was right. I hate conflicts, mostly when other people won’t be adults about it. Sometimes is easier to not get involved, I have always stayed quiet because I have felt my feelings are not important. But this time I didn’t stay quiet and a very small part of me is glad that I said it. The other part wants to hide!

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