Have you ever noticed that hating the person who hurt you is never enough? The damage does not respond. The edges do not come back together. Hating them harder, hating them more effectively, with your voice, with your body, committing your talents toward their detriment, recruiting forces, community – this is not enough. Finally, you grow plans from dragon teeth. You wish them death and an after-life of repeating hateful deaths. It is still not enough. You are left with you.
When the extreme, when the hate that is to say, is not enough something is wrong. But it’s not what you think. The thing that is wrong is not that.
We could say you are a sinner. We could say pray more. We could say exercise, destress, do yoga, karate, eat less sugar and drink grass juice. We could and perhaps we do. But this time, please put that aside. It is not disqualified. It’s just not the bit we are going to talk about. Don’t be mad at me.
The hate is in the brain. The brain picked this to perseverate on and return to like the tongue over a canker. Lick. Ouch. We don’t ask for these emotions. We don’t ask for these behaviors. They come, symptomatically telling us a story about our condition. Hear the story?
It goes something like this. We are persons who know enough to know that this is a feeling stronger than deserved. This is a response not entirely rational. This is a behavior that we would choose not to do otherwise and nor would a friend of ours support. Our mother would tell us, “No.” We experience a whole body response that surprises some level of our awareness and that part stands by uncertainly with her fingers picking at her lip.
The story tells about the other times when we endured worse and responded without as much personalizing. We remember that someone else we knew acted like this and we didn’t think much of it. We thought they were “off.” We realize that what we are experiencing might not have as much to do with the crime as we thought. It might just be that we are not feeling and behaving well. It might be our brain.
That darn double-crossing organ! How is anyone supposed to trust themselves? It’s tough but we have each other and we have our story and we have grass juice. We have God. We have medication. We have ECT (electroconvulsive therapy.) We have acupuncture, our support groups and DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy.)
Considering where emotions and behaviors come from is the bit that gives us a chance to find and be found by help. Hate is a very strong emotion from the brain and it isn’t so friendly to Me. If we can’t put it aside, consider the brain.
Self-Care Tip: When emotions and behaviors come that you don’t want, and won’t go away even when you say, “Please,” consider your brain health.
Question: What has helped you disentangle the effect from a cause that wasn’t really the cause?
How do you allow for the biology of brain health when it comes to feelings so personal?
How is considering the brain a friendly thing to Me? Please tell us your story.
- More Brain Blog Blah (laurieannwojo.wordpress.com)
- Electroconvulsive therapy effectively treats severe depression: How? (cbsnews.com)
- How We Decide – Understanding the Brain (enhancethehumanexperience.wordpress.com)
- Validating Your Brain (Part 1) (connectionscounseling.wordpress.com)