Things Will Always Be About “Me”

Common Clownfish (Amphiprion ocellaris) in the...

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Self-Care Tip #138 – Stay aware of “Me” to be more present with them.

The second thing I learned from Toastmasters is that no matter how good I get at doing the 1st lesson, in my eyes, things will always be about “Me.”  No matter how skilled or self-aware or Mother-Theresa I become, “Me” won’t disappear.

Mother Theresa, by the way, did exactly what was congruent with her temperament.  Doing what she did for others tied her in more closely than ever with them …her.  Doing what she did naturally only made her more present with herself, her own journey, her own awareness of self and at some point with others.  There is a symbiotic relationship so to speak.  Remember Nemo and his home in the sea anemone?

Doing well for myself and for others is not a problem of effort towards altruism or other saintly motives.  It’s a matter of biology.  More than ever, I believe in hard-wiring.  Acting like it isn’t about “Me” is boring and even irritating at times for others to watch.  Even when we are trained actors or Toastmasters in this case.

When we say that the acts of heroism someone did was temperamentally congruent, it takes a little shine off.  Would you still call Mother Theresa a saint if you knew this?  How about “Me?”  That shouldn’t make it any less wonderful, what we do in life when we do it this way.  Yet the sense of enchantment gets a little fainter.  It’s a shame because who we were made to be is magical.   Doing what we do best by design is what our personal angels might have a hand in, I think.

If we can’t keep sight of ourselves, of “Me” while still seeing who’s around, there might be something medical going on.  No one wants you to disappear.

Question:  How do you keep it about you even while remembering that it isn’t?  How do you live symbiotically?  Please tell me your story.

9 thoughts on “Things Will Always Be About “Me”

  1. I think you’re saying we all come hardwired to do something – and that something is just part of who we are, even if it seems extraordinary to others. I think I’d have to agree. It’s taken me a long while to realise that things I find simple, and assumed everyone could just do, are not simple for everyone.

  2. I’m a worrier. I check in with friends and, most especially, family regularly to make sure that they are well, safe, happy, whatever. People say I’m a very caring person. Well, I guess. I love these people and I do care deeply and I do, often, go out of my way to help in any way I can, but, you’re right -when I stop and think about what I’m doing, it IS all about me. People being unwell or in danger or unhappy make me uncomfortable and, especially in the case of my family, scared.

    For weeks now I have worried myself into sleeplessness and stomach problems because my son-on-law is working half-way across the country and, of course, we all want to have him home for Christmas. I worry about how he or my daughter or my granddaughter would handle it if he didn’t make it home bacause of snow or whatever. (And, please understand, we are so blessed that he has a job and, also, that it’s a safe job, unlike those of our military in faraway places.) However, when I think about it, as I did today reading your blog, I know that I couldn’t endure watching the pain my children and granddaughter would have to go through if he didn’t get home; I can’t stand to see people suffer; I can’t stand to hurt for others. It’s all about me.

    You’re right also, about Mother Theresa. She questioned herself and her motives all the time and she searched for answers for why she was questioning. Maybe it is how God made us, but in many ways, I’m grateful for His gift of creating me – and others – to love too much.

    • Nancy, i was happy reading this! so glad because this is useful to you.
      the perfect close to your comment was also “I’m grateful for His gift of creating me – and others – to love too much.”
      i’m grateful for you. keep on!

  3. I have actually done the opposite and have only been thinking of me.. a counselor friend has told me it’s not “me” that I am thinking of it’s just that I don’t want my issues to get lost until I have dealt with them…? I am not sure about this.

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