Self-Care Tip #229 – See yourself as a friend by including biology in your self-perception.
In clinic, out of the clinic, here, there, if I were to pick one barrier to treatment anywhere, I’d pick the misunderstanding that behaviors and emotions come from somewhere other than the brain, and then from there, the outcropping of understanding why.
I don’t think most of us say it in so many words, but it’s intuitive. Maybe when pressed we’d say, “Where else do they (behaviors and emotions) come from?!” And then agree, the brain. But the connection that allows for self-care is missed. The connection that allows us to choose the freedom to feel good and behave well for our own sakes is lost in the shame of failing to do those very things. The stance of courage it takes to be our own friend when we don’t even want to be in our own company, takes a lot to maintain.
The marvelous @MarjieKnudsen, tweeted a reference to a wonderful post by Sarah Boesveld, How ‘self-compassion’ trumps ‘self-esteem’. I enjoyed reading it very much as I felt it spoke to me and my generation with great perception… except! that it was without mention of biology, the brain; i.e. where behaviors and emotions come from.
In clinic, Naomi told me about her “failure” when ever she felt anxiety come on.
Why do I feel depressed when I feel the anxiety come?
I’m wondering what you think, reader, about this simply related story and the question.
I mirrored Naomi’s question,
Why do you think you feel depressed when that happens?
Today (similar to Naomi,) girl-crush, alias Rachelle Gardner, Literary Agent, wrote about feeling like a failure as well. She asked at the end of her post the pithy questions,
What about you? How have you failed? What kind of wisdom has helped you deal with it (i.e. sense of failure)?
And I thought, how to answer? Here I am again “in the presence” of someone wonderful who in her post didn’t make it apparent that she was considering that this emotion might be a symptom of something biological. We are willing to look under every rock, be in the space of our emotion and ponder reasons why. We have the courage not to “run” even when we don’t like ourselves, but haven’t said it out loud to ourselves yet,
I might feel this way because my brain is dishing it out. I might otherwise have not done anything to set this emotion or these behaviors in motion, other than being alive.
Girl-crush remains despite response. So readers, don’t be scared to answer what you think. If you even care, I’ll still admire the socks off you! – even if you think you are hyper every day since conception because you ate too much sugar.
Questions (In case you want me to write them again, which I’m really happy to do – anything you want so I can hear your responses): Where do you think your behaviors and emotions come from? …such as a sense of failure and/or a depressed mood? What has helped you deal with it? Please tell me your story.
- Guilt Furiously Chasing You Is Commonly Experienced In Illnesses Of The Brain (friendtoyourself.com)
- Shame: A Concealed, Contagious, and Dangerous Emotion (psychologytoday.com)
- Getting to the Roots of Anxiety (everydayhealth.com)