Yesterdays blog-post brought a few neighborly questions for us to follow-up with.
One is regarding emotions from bluebee. Is jealousy medical? Followed by, What part of emotion is under our control? Indeed.
Second, Sarah quietly slipped the question under our door of how to respond to emotions and behaviors that come from brain illness. How? Indeed.
Third, Carl banged a little louder when asking, what keeps him in a relationship with someone who is maltreating him verses leaving? Indeed.
There is a nice flow to these. They are leading into the next and circle back. Emotions and behaviors come from the brain, much which is out of our control and some of which is. The choice to engage in the life of the ill is like any other choice. Our own. If it matters to us if the way the brain is working in the “other” is in their control or not, we can spend more time trying to sus that out. I’m not sure myself when I get it good from someone mean, but it has become easier to take care of my junk rather than there’s. For that, I will say a million thanks. If I’m getting yelled at, I do the checks on myself – anxiety? fear? anger? fatigue? shaking? dizzy? tone of my voice? do I know what this person is yelling about? (most often it has nothing to do with Me), empathy? empowerment? You’ve told me that you are growing in similar refreshing ways.
Image by NCM3 via Flickr
I’ve seen this play out a little in my children. My daughters and son are supposed to do the laundry every morning before they play. I don’t know how many years now, but their arguments haven’t changed.
I’m doing this all by myself. No one is helping me!
Mom! He’s just laying on top of the clothes!
These questions above…;
- where emotions and behaviors come from,
- control over biological symptoms,
- do I respond to others with brain illness
- or do I walk away
These questions don’t mean much if we don’t find where our empowerment comes from. Me. Everything starts and ends with Me.
I’m ill for reasons I have nothing to do with, yet I will be accountable for myself and how I affect others.
I feel emotions I didn’t ask for, behaving ways that I am a spectator to rather than a whole person, yet I will do what I can to gain health. In that, I have control.
I surrender what I don’t control to my Higher Power. I take medication. I exercise, guard my sleep hygiene and get regular sleep, eat responsibly, gather and engage community, attend therapy groups and/or individual, I try while at the same time I let go, I love my flaws as I love my perfections, I try to develop my natural genius, try as often as I can to pour any energies I have in that direction as I know I will heal faster, enjoy life more and be more successful at all my efforts when I do.
It reminds me of that saying, that if I have success, it is from standing on the shoulders of giant midgets. We are all flawed. We are all wonderful. We are supported by others who also are full of flawed perfections.
Do I have control? You bet. …And no way. Always, there are both.
Do I talk when someone is mistreating me? or mistreating themselves by neglecting their own self-care? by letting their illnesses shape their lives? Do I walk away as that may be what my self-care demands.
Everything starts and ends with me. There are a lot of stops along the way with other forces, but empowerment is mine. Indeed. That’s what I hope my kids will learn when doing the laundry.