thankful for collisions

together

together (Photo credit: jungmoon)

I want to meet you on a narrow path.  A trail that only we can fit so we bump into each other often.  We apologize in turns until finally the collisions become familiar to us both and we accept that you and I are not alone.  Less space so we bang along, is just what I am and was hoping for.

 

Happy Thanks-Giving my friend.  I am thankful for you.

Self-care tip – allow the space to bring you into company and connection.  You are not alone.

 

Steve Jobs Died and I Had Dinner With Lisa Fields – Just some news from me.

Steve Jobs shows off iPhone 4 at the 2010 Worl...

Image via Wikipedia

Sad Steve Jobs died.  We were blessed by his life and will continue to be.

Met with girlfriend Lisa Fields who is an expert at connecting ideas in a way that no one else has thought of.  Lisa, in essence, connects people to the product or market they are looking for.  If you remember when we spoke about grazers and barn people, Lisa is a wonder-grazer in the best way intended.  Any topic, any interest, any picture, product, person or punch-line, Lisa can make it bigger, more connected and better.  She turns it in more angles of view than eyes on a spider.  Thank you Lisa for tonight.

Anyhow, with Lisa tonight, turning and connecting ideas together, we caught the news.  Steve Jobs died.

Mourning his loss with you my friends.  Keep on.

Lisa Fields

I am Liebster’d and It’s Grand

The last award I received was the Stylish Blogger award.  It’s only happened a couple of times but it has always been a fun surprise.

Our friend, Carl D’Agostino, awarded FriendtoYourself.com the Liebster Blog Award.  Why?  He says it’s to bring additional recognition to this site.  I now understand that FriendtoYourself.com qualifies because it has less than 200 followers.  This is the one time I am glad to have less than 200 followers because being honored by Carl is huge for me.  If you check out his comments here at FriendtoYourself.com, his cartoons and comics on his own blog, i know i made you smile, and start interacting with him through his comment section, it won’t take you long to understand why.

Carl has over the past year+ become my friend and mentor.  He never asked for it.  You know that in the presence of a generous spirit, we naturally give without expecting more in return than that person is who they are.  His intuition and sometimes edge, inspire and instruct.  I’d be a fool not to listen.  He doesn’t ask for it.  But you know how it goes.  In the presence of a generous spirit….  (Liebster means ‘beloved’ in German.  Is that right Thysleroux?  I think it’s real sweet.  Thanks Carl.)

The rules roll that if you receive the award, not only do you have the, “less than 200 followers,” but you should have more.  Those are the rules :).  That, and, you should link back to the blogger that nominated you (yours truly) and nominate five more blogs.  Let them know that you nominated them, or it may be that your tree grows in a forest of Internet Web and jungle but never seen.

Here are five blogs I am honored to share space with…. Five out of almost a google more out there that I admire – all for their own reasons.  (You know who you are.)  People doing what they love to do and working hard at it are a delight in life.  Keep on.

1.  Absurd Old Bird ~ aka Val Erde… who plays with words and images.

2.  The Duck of Indeed The Duck of Indeed  Art, writing, and one person’s journey to do it all, – with, well… Duck.

3.  KANSAS MEDIOCRITY, – with Tracy Phillips.

4.  ocdbloggergirl.com LIVING WITH OCD…WITH HUMOR, – with Lisa

5.  Living Victoriously Hope, Life, Inspiration, and Realities, – with Marie.

Emotions – One Part of The Multi-Paradigm Weave That Makes Us Who We Are

Immanuel Kant developed his own version of the...

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Yesterday we spoke about the emotion, happiness, as it connects to and does not connect to spirituality.  Traditional western religions squirm  or  more, disagree when they hear this.  Everything is spiritual in their school of thought.  However, as our understanding of where emotions and behaviors come from, we have happily disentangled ourselves from the stigma and judgment that comes from the way many people have (mostly unwittingly and often without intended malice) abused us with mental illness.

I know that I have also been in this crowd of prejudiced.  Coming out of that has been fun.  There is still so much that I think I see clearly but don’t, as it is for us all.  The growth we’re talking about is part of the high adventure that brings pleasure to life.

To say it plainly:

  1. Emotions come from the brain.
  2. Emotions are not always directly chosen as we can’t directly choose the way our brain works.
  3. Emotions are what we use to interpret the world around us.
  4. Emotions don’t have intrinsic moral value.  Morality is bigger than the way we feel.
  5. Emotions are not constant between us.
  6. Emotions are a sense.  We’ve called them the Sixth Sense.  Senses are subjective and not objective.

How does this fit into your biopsychosocial model of how you see yourself?

Biology.  Psychology.  Socially.

How does it influence the way you befriend yourself?

How might this influence stigma surrounding emotional illness?

Emotions are just one of the many things that make us who we are.  Many many things.  As we tease these bits of ourselves apart, it is not the same as denying the multi-paradigm weave that makes us who we are.

Self-Care Tip – Enjoy your emotions but don’t put your life on them.

She Is Worth It, But Maybe Not Because Of What You Think

Woman in satin dress holding mirror

Image by George Eastman House via Flickr

She is worth it!

Have you said that? Half crazed from this-way-that-way behaviors, your battered psyche crawls out of the smoking heap from your most recent relationship collision. There are times when this is absurd to continue. But have you ever seen those people who crawl out smiling? Sure their eyes are rolling around on their face but they are smiling. That might be you too. And there’s a reason for it. However the reason may not be what you think.

She is worth it!

I’m not disputing “her” value in this admirable exchange that takes all your energy. But what I do dust off from the good “encounter” we just spoke of is that although she may be worth it, I propose that isn’t the reason you think it is. The reason is you.
You find pleasure in it because of what it does for you. You think you are worth it, and you are.

Even the Bible says,

We love because He loved me first. 1 John 4: 19

We love because of what it does for Me. God isn’t surprised by that or looking down His nose at our motivation. It sounds like He is actually embracing it – fully consented.
Remember when we talked about inevitable selfish motives, secondary gain and the absence of altruism in us? Is that an ugly thing about us? I don’t think so. It is what it is.

Now this does not evaporate the connection, the realness of the exchange between two, the value of the bond or its quality. See blog-post, Things Will Always Be About “Me.” It does nothing else but discuss the motivation. I believe understanding our motivation to remain in a relationship is important not to devalue it or value it differently, but to help us take care of our own selves.
She is worth it. That isn’t the question.

What can go wrong in our self-friendship when we think we are motivated by reasons outside of what is in it for Me? What do you think? I think it distracts us. It’s wasted energy and we don’t have enough to waste. Getting it right, puts energy into us. Getting it wrong, takes energy away.

Yesterday we talked about wanting to connect with someone who has character pathology. Any of us can say that this is hugely energy depleting at times. If we think we are doing this for any other reason than for ourselves, we will get “burned” much more often than we might if we understand that we choose, consented, freely and for ourselves. We will wear the victim-crown and die the death of worn out do-gooders who lived to do nothing really but bemoan their special suffering existence. See blog-post, Please Don’t Say “But.”

Self-Care Tip – Do things for yourself with self-knowledge.

Soaking him in

Evening friends. Or morning. Spent the day today and will tomorrow being present with the father of my children. Can’t give what we don’t have and I’m thankful, humbly, to say that I have love for him. That’s currency of sorts I suppose. There have been sad times for us when I didn’t have bank.
What has being a friend to yourself invested in you? Do you find love there? You were made for it. Blessings! 🙂
Self-Care Tip # I can’t remember! – Give to yourself love and friendship and you will find love and friendship where it dwells.

Summarizing What You Say About Friendship With Yourself

Friendship

Image by Rickydavid via Flickr

In Summary:

Q1:  What does being “a friend to yourself” mean?

  • self-awareness
  • Acting on that self-awareness
  • Grieving who I wished I was
  • Valuing Me

Q2:  What helps?

  • Knowing where emotions and behaviors come from
  • No self-injury or aggression to others
  • Knowing God
  • Gratitude/self-inventory
  • Support from outside of Me
  • Personal check-points in place to offensively guard again self-sabotage

Q3:  What doesn’t help?

  • Perfectionism
  • Ingratitude
  • Untreated or treatment resistant brain illness
  • Stigma
  • misdirected efforts to feel empowered (such as, preoccupied thoughts = control)
  • isolation
  • habit

Q4:  What helps despite this?

  • Self-forgiveness
  • Realism/Without catastrophizing
  • Tenacity
  • Remembering what your self-care has done
  • Presence

Q5:  What is the relationship between biology and choice when it comes to understanding where emotions and behaviors come from?

  • Biological template determines function
  • Choice is there for using that template