Image by Rickydavid via Flickr
In Summary:
Q1: What does being “a friend to yourself” mean?
- self-awareness
- Acting on that self-awareness
- Grieving who I wished I was
- Valuing Me
Q2: What helps?
- Knowing where emotions and behaviors come from
- No self-injury or aggression to others
- Knowing God
- Gratitude/self-inventory
- Support from outside of Me
- Personal check-points in place to offensively guard again self-sabotage
Q3: What doesn’t help?
- Perfectionism
- Ingratitude
- Untreated or treatment resistant brain illness
- Stigma
- misdirected efforts to feel empowered (such as, preoccupied thoughts = control)
- isolation
- habit
Q4: What helps despite this?
- Self-forgiveness
- Realism/Without catastrophizing
- Tenacity
- Remembering what your self-care has done
- Presence
Q5: What is the relationship between biology and choice when it comes to understanding where emotions and behaviors come from?
- Biological template determines function
- Choice is there for using that template
Related articles
- Finding What Perfectionism Can Offer Our Self-Care – In Summary (friendtoyourself.com)
- Loving Me without ambivalence – Perfectionism v. Passive Surrender (friendtoyourself.com)
- Focusing on relationships (boston.com)
- Forgiveness (fellowshipofthehigherpower.wordpress.com)
- Are Your Emotions Contagious? (psychologytoday.com)
Friend to Yourself 
Very much liked the summary. I plan to print it and use it as an index to review your past blogs. Dr. Q this would be really useful in book form. Will you sign my copy?
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yay! thanks M. smile
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Q5 is over my head, but all the rest make perfect sense. I’m not saying that Q5 does not, only that I am at a loss to understand. I probably missed the training part of it. Thank you for sharing such good advice in an organized sequence. Blessings to you, Sana…
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candid carol, Q is over my head too apparently. i’ve always known that a good teacher is one who makes things (complicated or basic things) seem easy. thank u for reading and helping me grow! hugs
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You’re an excellent teacher. I should have done my homework. 🙂 This was a summary. Blessings…
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Who say digging for compliments won’t land me some gold? Thk u friend.
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Good summary, Sana, I may use it as the comment above states, copy it into word and refer back to it. Thank you for this post.
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thank u clar for bringing me into your home 🙂
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This has been a good exercise, and I have enjoyed watching it unfold, learning from responses. In the beginning of the school year, I would collaborate with my AP students to write mission statements for our classroom (academic, social, and individual/personal—they could express goals beyond our walls, as well). I would hang them up as a border all around the upper edge of the wall. We’d reference them through the year. I think the lists you have generated so far would be a beautiful entry point into writing mission statements/vision statements about self-care.
For example, using material from above, we could articulate:
“We will work on obtaining self-awareness through a thankful presence, by completing a gratitude journal/self-inventory and letting go of ingratitude.”
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so cool! i luv this sarah. i luv watching u do your brilliant thing! i really like the next step you took this too. i was thinking similar brilliance this morning in the shower but not as well articulated
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In relations to this summary, this is great! I find myself thinking on my new journey into self-care, and as I am, I see God moving in situations on my behalf that I’ve been trying to control. When I have let go and began to focus on controlling me, I see God moving and opening new doors and closing others that are not healthy. It’s almost as if He’s saying, “Aha, my child. Now that you’ve stop focusing on controlling the world and just taking care of yourself, I can do my job.” I feel that now I’m getting control back of myself and my life. Wow! What a liberating feeling. I do have a ways to go, especially in my thinking. I can go into my own world, even now I’m with my family playing Wii, and deciding to be there with them in mind and spirit, and not isolation. Thanks, Sana for your endeavors to help people with self-care!
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endeavoring – i like that :). in the efforts, i am included. hugs
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I think I’ll print it out and share it with my DBT group tomorrow. It is clear and concise.
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LS, that is an honor
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Great post! Many of my patients with anxiety and depression are great friends to others but do not know how to be a friend to themselves. They judge themselves much more harshly than they would judge a friend with the same difficulties.
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thank u so much Dr. Becker. i hear u! i do it too and who doesn’t. keep on!
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