You might recognize these five questions from yesterday’s blog-post. Thank you for your testimonies. Is there anything more powerful than hearing someone’s personal story? I think not! Here is what Bipoblogger has to say.
Q1: What does being a friend to yourself mean to you in real-time life practice?
A1: That’s easy, but not so easy, LOL! Being “a friend to yourself” means that I acknowledge I need to respect myself, just like I do other people. It means not sabotaging my self, plans, job, relationships, etc. I love myself enough to not kick myself when I am down.
Being bipolar can be so detrimental to my being, but just like normal people, I still have the need to …allow for room and time to grieve about whatever horrible circumstances (were) caused (by) the bipolar disorder.
…Stop every once in a while to acknowledge my accomplishments and own that.
Q2: What helps you do this one time vs. another?
A2: Yes, I have found that BPD is in part an anger disorder and knowing the true source of the anger can help me go forward.
I have chosen to no longer hurt myself cause when I do, and anyone else, I build up layers of hurt and it hurts to start to take the layers off when I’m ready, so why even do it? …
Also it helped me so much to learn that God doesn’t deal with me the way I deal with myself or another. I’m not a fanatic, but I just believe in what makes sense.
Q3: What still hinders your efforts?
A3: Wanting to be better than I already am. Not accepting that the balance I have is better than having less or no balance at all, …(which means various kinds of) risky behavior.
Q4: What has pushed you past those barriers?
A4: Really just forgiving myself for how I was affected by BPD and remembering that I am breakable and valid as a human, just like all of us. If I keep practicing a constructive way of life, I will be okay, and that has been true for the last 3 years.
Q5: How do you understand the interplay between biology and choice in being “a friend to yourself?”
A5: I was created with the choice to choose how I live my life and I do, BPD or none. Natural inclination is to do the wrong thing because I am imperfect. I seek power, fame, notoriety and in someway someone, including myself is gonna get hurt in the process. …People without mental deficiencies don’t experience or don’t carry out to this degree. So in short, biologically the deficient brain makes more extreme choices, overly withdrawn or overly outward and destructive.
Whoa, I smell smoke. I never think that hard. LOL.
Questions for you:
- Anything you’d like to share with Bipo Blogger?
- If you had a blank page for this, what would your own questions be? What would you answer?
These answers are great. Something to display in a place where we are able to see it and refer to it daily. I don’t have BPD but yesterday was an especially bad day for me ending with a bout of anger that came out of nowhere for virtually no reason and absolutely terrified me because I couldn’t control it. It was like I was watching someone else make a complete fool out of themselves. All of the above answers – respect, grief, hurt, forgiveness, practice, choice – helped me tremendously this morning as I tried to rectify in my mind (and with God) my actions last night. It’s good to have direction, especially from one who understands the suffering of those who are “broken”. Today, for me, is a day of grief and forgiveness rather than a day of guilt and self-loathing. Thank you. (Isn’t it amazing how exhausting it is to be us sometimes!!??)
p.s. My blank page would have been covered with “Why???” until recently. Now it would be covered with “How?” but I know that every day of self-care answers that question and will slowly fill the page….and then I’d start a new one: “Now what?”
really well said nancy. yes it is tiring sometimes but where else to spend the energy if not starting w Me? hugs
If we could change ourselves, we would make ourselve (and others) perfect. But we have to make the changes within our capacities. It’s good to ask how cause that’s a recovery word, a door-opener word, that can set in motion positivity, something we all need everyday. Way to go in recognizing what you need and the will to go after it constructively.
How is Bipolar disorder an anger disorder? I have a sibling and nephew with BP and my mother had it so this is a learning experience.
clar, getting to know u is a great gift. keep on
It’s not solely an anger disorder, anger is one of the most prevalent characteristics of depression, which is displayed through manic or bipolar episodes or cycling. It’s good to read the medical terms about bipolar disorder because each experience is unique to the person suffering from the disorder. You can generalize but the medical forum can give you clear cut descriptions/symptoms that won’t confuse you.
I prefer bipoblogger answers over my own any day of the week. They put my answers to shame; but that is not the point. She has clarity, and better definition to each questions, more in a way that I need them. So thank you Bipoblogger for your answers. They make me see my life from a more different, and clearer perspective. Hugs. Marie.
dear Marie, how r u seeing your life differently?
It took me a long time to come up with a decent answer…
I spend a great deal of time feeling sorry for myself. I always think about what I no longer have, the things I can not longer do… Unlike Bipoblogger, I haven’t respected myself in a long time. I pretend I do, but I actually don’t care much anymore. I have learned to be a good actress playing the role of some one who have her life figured out. I can not even remember the last time I felt good about myself, without being manic. I wish those answers were mine, but that will never happen. Just wishful thinking.
Dear LV, woman actor extraordinaire, I am so often wowed by the way fantasies can construct our reality. I hv belief that u r on to something worth pursuing here. Your methodology is the rave in my circle of friends. Keep me posted.
Hi LV, my answers are only unique to my own experience. The clarity comes with age and experience and you too will have clarity for yourself. My answers are never better at anytime. Don’t be afraid to give yourself credit for what you understand your way. We are all in this together and one hand should always wash the other. I appreciate your support in this also, thank you. 🙂