I ask five Questions 1.2.3.4.5. Will you give your testimony?
Q1: What does being “a friend to yourself” mean to you in real-time life practice?
A1:
Q2: What helps you do this at one time vs. another?
A2:
Q3: What still hinders your efforts?
A3:
Q4: What has pushed you past those barriers?
A4:
Lastly.
Q5: How do you understand the interplay between biology and choice in being “a friend to yourself?”
A5:
P.S. – I had a hard time finding a picture for this! I have no idea about who’s who and it took forever to find something that I think won’t trigger any political uprising amongst you fine readers… But… if I didn’t, please don’t take me to the stand! (Bad humor wink.)
Friend to Yourself 
What does Otto Ohlendorfer have to do with self-care and self-love? He was a mass murderer, for God’s sake!
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Oh, I say … it’s just a picture to illustrate the concept of what the Doc is saying? Chill already!
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smile.
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1. Knowing that doing the best I can is the best I can do. 2. Take a daily inventory in the evening and upon awakening set tasks and follow through. 3. Sometimes depression and despair immobilizes and then leads to more disappointment and the cycle repeats in a downward spiral. 4. Things don’t magically happen. I must be in the driver’s seat and participate in my recovery. 5.My biology determines function. My choice is in what direction it goes.
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thank u dear carl. “in what direction it goes” he says.
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Thank you, Carl. So much more simple and, yet, so much more to the point than I seem to be able to do today. I really appreciate your comments…always.
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I was a strong woman. I was a leader in school and in church. I brought up two kids. I directed Girl Scout summer camps. I volunteered everywhere, it seems, and took care of my mother-in-law. I had my own business until we had to put the kids through college and then I taught school while keeping up all of my volunteer activities. And then, at age 53, I had a complete emotional breakdown and, a few years into that, was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. On a huge amount of medication, I was essentially in a coma for fifteen years. I did nothing and was waited on hand and foot. Last October this blog found me. This winter I met a doctor who changed my medications and, espeically, helped me to sleep. I feel good and I feel strong again…but my family can’t forget what I was like for all those years and the can’t remember what I was like before all those years. I can’t begin to tell you how frustrating it is to come back into my life and feel useless and disrespected. It’s not their fault but it’s not mine, either, and I don’t know how to fix it. Your poem, Sana, probably says it better and more positively but I haven’t gotten there, yet.
All that being said, the best thing that I have found is self-care – being a friend to myself. 1. I try to remember how important being Me is and how important it is to take the time every day to work on that friendship with Me. 2. I find that a blog a day keeps me on track and that keeping what I’ve learned from those blogs in my mind as I go through the day enriches my friendship with Me. 3. Frustration with my own physical pain and with lack of understanding by my family and friends often hinders my efforts toward self-care but 4. seeing how much my life has changed through self-care in the last seven months helps me to push through those barriers. Finally, 5. I understand that biology effects my physical, and, sometimes, my emotional abilites to care for myself but I control the choices I make in making every effort I can to be a progressively better friend to myself.
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I get it finally I think! You’re increasing awareness of public adjustment issues to our own healing process! Thk u sweet Nancy. We don’t place our thoughts on that often but u said it well. Thk u for the luv too. U r gentle n generous. Keep on.
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No. Today I’m neither gentle nor generous. I’m just frustrated and hurting and screaming about it, but if it helps anyone in the process then that’s a good thing. I wish more people would “put their thoughts on”. Some of us would sure like to feel less alone.
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Some days or hours or just moments, we say, “that’s just how it goes” n know it will pass, friend. Standing w u n thk u for sharing this struggle as many of us also feel alone n self-lOathing to a degree. Big hug!
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And you’re right. Time has passed. The ruffled feathers are smoothed out. Understanding appreciated and hugs gratefully accepted. Thanks, as always, for being there.
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Thanks for letting us know nancy!
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1. Being a friend to myself means taking care of myself. Trying to relax and not stress over things. Or be grumpy, either. And not being too hard on myself when I make mistakes. Those kinds of things.
2. What helps me do the first things is knowing stress and such aren’t good for me and certainly doesn’t help my situation. For the last thing, I just have to remember that I’m not perfect, so I can’t expect myself to not make mistakes.
3. I’m a perfectionist, so I can be hard on myself. Plus, stressing over things somehow makes me feel like I have some control over the situation, even though I don’t. Being a hardcore worrier certainly hinders me.
4. The desire to be better has helped, and trust in God has helped, too. He always takes care of things, so I don’t know why I think I have to try and control things when I can’t.
5. Methinks biologically, I have a tendency to worry. But, I know I have a choice to stop it, too. I can somewhat control the things I do naturally if I try. I just can’t let my worrying or whatever take over.
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“stressing over things somehow makes me feel like I have some control” – awesomeness!!! I so hv experienced that. Thk u for all your comment. God is btw me n thee
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Oh no, a test on the weekend!?! Can I be excused please? !
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Laughing
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1. Being a friend to myself means there is no need to apologize for who I am–I am who I am and that’s more than ok.
2. What helps is telling myself the truth about myself and not believing the lies that sometimes creep in.
3. What will hinder me is spending too much time alone and replaying the ugly parts of the past, that cannot be changed, over and over again.
4.What helps is telling myself the truth. I made lots of mistakes, one big one that changed my lif. That’s a fact of life I cannot change. But I am no longer that woman, I am who I am today. I am not stupid or worthless. I have matured and grown in wisdom and I have something to offer, I have purpose.
5. I understand I cannot ignore biology without consequence. I, therefore, make the choice to be aware of the biology so I can fully (and joyfully) participate in life.
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Dear Patricia! Thank you for your testimony. i think many of us are thirsty for that full and joyful participation in life. we grieve w u your “one big mistake” and agree that you have much to offer. keep on!
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1. Taking care of myself, body and mind;
2. Sometimes I am stronger than others; I practice DBT coping skills to help me reach the higher points.
3. Old habits die hard.
4. Practice DBT Mindfulness: living in the moment with full awareness.
5. Biology plays some part of my life; however, I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul.
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thank you marie! i luv DBT too. u have an offensive approach which is empowering i’d think. keep on.
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Did you really mean to say “offensive approach”? 😦
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laughing. i’m not sure? i meant, “offense” as in football…? offense-ive? how do i write that!?
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aaahhh! much better. Maybe using defensive approach instead…? Marie.
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defensive. ah yes. u.
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