Did you have a plan in mind on how you would kill yourself?
There was a black pause and then,
I’m not sure I want to tell you that.
I could understand your reluctance Trisha but telling me is a good thing. It helps the ideas lose some of their power. It’s no longer as much of an option when you tell someone than it would be if you kept it a secret, I said.
Another black pause and then,
I wanted to use a chain saw.
When it comes to ways of suicide, this one sounded pretty painful.
Ouch! I said to Trisha.
Her response, well, I didn’t expect it.
I hadn’t thought about that! The pain from that would have been nothing compared to the pain I was going through!
Trisha’s words schooled me. I don’t care how many times we talk about the darkness, the hopeless horror and the suffering of some brain illnesses, somehow, I know that I really don’t want to have full knowledge. When having your neck sawed off by your own hands with a chain saw seems like it would feel better than the full body despair, not many others will understand. Trisha wasn’t processing well, true. But the point isn’t her poverty of suicide options. What is the point here. Well, there is one major point to take home and there is a minor. Starting with the minor point – We can’t presume much about others. Moving on…. Major point – Tell people when having thoughts about wanting to die and what those thoughts are. Why? Because it’s friendly to Me. Telling someone isn’t as much about what they’ll do for Me, although once in a while someone may do something right on our behalf. Rather, telling someone is about what the telling process and knowledge of the telling does for Me. It lets us know that we are not alone. We lose some of the magical quality to the suicide plan. It dilutes our conviction to self-harm as a solution.
Question: What else do you think telling someone about thoughts of suicide does for Me? Please tell us your story.
Self-Care Tip: If you have thoughts of wanting to die, tell others.
Self-care is about improving life, not harm. Even though it includes doing things we don’t enjoy and sometimes hurt, it doesn’t harm us.
That’s a useful meter-stick when we wonder about something in our life. Is this harming us? Including people. Do I feel better about myself when I’m with them? Do they help me become a better person? A better friend to myself? Or, do they turn me toward things that harm me?
When thinking about our days activities, our choice of employment, things we put in our body, put them by this “No-Harm Meter-Stick” and see how they measure.
A deliberate check-point in my life is consistent with a deliberate goal. …”I want to be healthy. Is this improving my health?” “I want to have good self-esteem. Does this improve my self-esteem?” And the journey is consistent with the beginning and the end. If the goals for the moment isn’t consistent with our big picture goals than they might not be the goals we want. Like putting substances in our body that feel good for the moment but harm our life. There are innumerable examples of this but you get the picture.
Questions: What checks you when you need it? What has been useful to remind you in this area or that to be friendly to yourself? Please tell us your story.
Self-Care Tip – Deliberately set up feedback in your life to let you know that you are a friend to yourself.
I ask five Questions 126.96.36.199.5. Will you give your testimony?
Q1: What does being “a friend to yourself” mean to you in real-time life practice?
Q2: What helps you do this at one time vs. another?
Q3: What still hinders your efforts?
Q4: What has pushed you past those barriers?
Q5: How do you understand the interplay between biology and choice in being “a friend to yourself?”
P.S. – I had a hard time finding a picture for this! I have no idea about who’s who and it took forever to find something that I think won’t trigger any political uprising amongst you fine readers… But… if I didn’t, please don’t take me to the stand! (Bad humor wink.)
Self-Care Tip #105 – Grow up, think on your own, and stay connected. Be a friend to yourself.
Staying connected doesn’t mean loosing your freedom. Staying connected doesn’t mean immaturity. And independent thought doesn’t mean disconnecting from others or your foundation in life.
When we move into adulthood, we move into roles requiring responsibility, autonomous decision-making, teaching like parents. This is confusing don’t you think when we were designed to be connected? Well when something feels so wrong inside, listen to it. There is a incongruence with what you intuitive know. Independence includes dependence
Adulthood means learning to have creative thought while being willing to learn. It means disconnecting while remaining connected. It’s not all-or-none. It’s seeing the strength in vulnerability. Part of taking care of “Me” includes choosing dependence.
Dependence never takes away freedom. Sometimes when I listen to people telling me how I should feel or think, I feel caged and start doing things to make me feel less caged. Unfortunately sometimes that isn’t a healthy thing, like eating chocolate or… well it’s often eating for some reason. Other people do this too. They may cut on themselves or bang their head. Unnecessary, because we are free no matter. Drugs. Whatever it is that in the moment somehow springs you from the phantom cage only to put you in another.
Question: How do you live free yet connected? How do you deal with feelings of infancy, immaturity, loosing freedom when it comes? Please tell me Your story.