Deliberately Setting Myself Up To Improve


Image by samuelalove via Flickr

Self-care is about improving life, not harm.  Even though it includes doing things we don’t enjoy and sometimes hurt, it doesn’t harm us.

That’s a useful meter-stick when we wonder about something in our life.  Is this harming us?  Including people.  Do I feel better about myself when I’m with them?  Do they help me become a better person?  A better friend to myself?  Or, do they turn me toward things that harm me?

When thinking about our days activities, our choice of employment, things we put in our body, put them by this “No-Harm Meter-Stick” and see how they measure.

A deliberate check-point in my life is consistent with a deliberate goal.  …”I want to be  healthy.  Is this improving my health?”  “I want to have good self-esteem.  Does this improve my self-esteem?”  And the journey is consistent with the beginning and the end.  If the goals for the moment isn’t consistent with our big picture goals than they might not be the goals we want.  Like putting substances in our body that feel good for the moment but harm our life.  There are innumerable examples of this but you get the picture.

Questions:  What checks you when you need it?  What has been useful to remind you in this area or that to be friendly to yourself?  Please tell us your story.

Self-Care Tip – Deliberately set up feedback in your life to let you know that you are a friend to yourself.

See blog-Post:  “You” Are The Best Gift

21 thoughts on “Deliberately Setting Myself Up To Improve

        • Total abstinence from alcohol, coke or uppers has decreased smoking by 50%. In sobriety I deal with ALL tasks, responsibilities and problems promptly. The resolution of such matters drops the anxiety levels and smoking reduced another 50%. With insurmountable problems I do EVERYTHING I can leaving nothing to chance. After that, what will happen will happen and I have to accept the circumstances. I will survive despite the misfortune. That attitude frees and fortifies.So the psychological addiction is ameliorated. The physiological addiction/dependency to the nicotine remains, however, but I find the less you smoke , the less nicotine is needed or desired. Attention to nutrition and exercise imprint a health consciousness that helps prolong the time between lighting up. Fortunately, I do not inhale the smoke like pot so my lungs are clean so nicotine absorbed in mouth and throat. Even more fortunately there is little genetic propensity for cancer from either parental blood line.

  1. As an example , the 12 Steps of AA make no judgment on sex except to have one’s self ask “Is this harmful to me or to the other person?” If the answer is “yes’ the behavior must be deleted. Another guide of the 12 Steps is to consider our motives and not employ behavior that is selfish or harmful to the other person wherein we profit at their expense. (I do not claim to be a spokesman or representative for AA and the opinions expressed are solely my own).

  2. my mom, friends online and off and my ideal self check me, but i definitely have problems with my ideal self too. great post!

  3. I have good intentions but no follow through. I want to be healthy but I don’t make the time to exercise. I want to excel in my job but instead I do the minimum and read blogs. Basically it is just that I am not disciplined enough I think.

    • dear cathy, this sounds like a case of the temperament and not a slovenly character. i’d guess that in contexts u didn’t mention, this temperament is your strength, beauty and a bit brilliant. of course w all can trip on our brilliant skirts if we don’t exercise the “weaker” languages of our temperament. u r not unique in that. let me know if this makes sense. keep on.

  4. What’s been helpful to me in the last years has been looking at how I feel about other people and forcing myself to apply the same standards to myself as I would to someone else. If I’m going to be supportive and forgiving of someone else, why not also accept that I’ll make mistakes I’ll need to learn from along the way, versus seeing them as indicators I’m fundamentally flawed in ways both irremediable and worse/different than other people?

    It’s been several years since I did the bulk of this “work,” so some of the details have faded. This was far and away what I had to most frequently remind myself as I strove to push further away from despair and toward hope I needn’t be defined by my origins or individual failures.

    • i could call u deborah or i could call u closet monster. hm. so much fun! thank u for coming by. it’s awesome to “see” a new face and hear new thoughts. i luv what u said. our beginnings do not have to define our journey or our ending. keep on.

  5. I like to eat sweets a lot. My dinner last night was marshmallows (for the 1st time in years). Anyhow, I love sweets even though it is not always good for me. But I allow myself to enjoy my sweets with moderation. This is my self-care tip. Enjoy your favorite foods with moderation

    • my kids would fall over w pleasure if they had a dinner of marshmallows. i do that for them on rare occasions and we have a lot of fun too. unfortunately, like me, moderation in sweets is not their forte. i like your tip and might have to steel it. 😉

  6. Such sound advice, Sana, but now I’m distracted by those marshmallow comments – fresh fruit dipped in chocolate sauce made with Lindt dark chocolate, cream and marshmallows melted together – mmm, know what I’m making for dessert tonight

  7. I know I want to do something, like eat cookies or something, but then I think of the consequences. It’ll be fun now, but then I’ll feel guilty and worry about my health. It doesn’t always work, but sometimes it does. Sugar may make me happy now or not exercising, but avoiding the sugar or making myself exercise will help me in the long run. I’m doing pretty good with the sugar, but I should exercise more. I know it will be worth it, but I’ve been lazy.

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